9 partners? Puleeze! That's the number women tend to tell their man. Ask a group of women when they've had a few drinks and you'll get real numbers. Does 9 partners include oral sex? Somehow I doubt that…

Ask a group of younger girls (20's and younger) about SATC & they'll tell you watching that behavior encouraged them to go out and score. I teach, and SATC is treated like a sex manual for high school girls.

Ultimately what one does is their business, and no one should judge anyone else's actions. I wish 9 partners was accurate, it's not where I live.

Bullshit!! 9 partners?! I'm fucking 20 and I've had close to 30! But then again, I'm horny as hell, and love the cock. SATC, however, did not "teach" me how to go out there and score, nor did I treat it like a sex manual. I had already slept with half the people I had slept with by the time I started watching at 17/18. All the shit on the show was old news to me. I was a haggard old hussie by then. I kid! Sort of.

9 is just ridiculous.

horney as hell= low self esteem? Just putting it out there. While I do think 9 over a lifetime does seem a little low 15 or so before 17 is a slut in my book. Guess I am a prude.

right, and i suppose guys that sleep around all suffer from low self-esteem too. i don't really care about "satc:tm" except that is brings up this same old tired argument that women have to defend liking sex. "be in control of your own sexuality, ladies. but if you look like you're enjoying too much, then you're a washed-up slut."
hadley poots, you're alright. go enjoy that cock. but be safe.

I don't believe in the word slut.

Screw whomever you want, do it safely (both physically & emotionally), have fun, and best of luck finding love if you want it.

And 9? Please.

Ok I must be wrong. You would want your 16 year old daughter to have 15 different sex partners? Are you fucking kidding me?! Enjoying sex is completely different than sleeping around at a young age. I would say the same thing if it was a guy saying he had 15 partners before 17…. except I would probably call his bluff.

I was being preachy about sexual ethics the hags. And here I go again.
I don't hold promiscuity against anyone, but I would like to give my perspective. Many who have indiscriminate sex claim that love and sex is completely separate. They say sex is merely a "physical act." And there is no point to denying immediate pleasure. If sex and love are in completely different categories, why are many of these people hurt by the idea of their boyfriend having sex with someone else? If you love your girlfriend, and sex and love are totally different, how is it wrong to have a "physical act" with someone else but have strong feelings for your girlfriend only? There is a connection. It's the most intimate thing you can do with anybody. I think sex should be a tangible way of showing your love. One-night-stands are dangerous. Condoms are not always enough protection. Also, going to a stranger's house and removing your clothes makes you incredibly vulnerable to attack. Many also claim that it is not undignified because you are "not giving any of yourself away." Then why is it that so many refuse to have sex with someone they loathe? Giving someone your body is rewarding them. My brother claims to think that sex is "not giving yourself away," too. But sometimes, when he sees a hot girl that he slept with, he'll say he "had her." He feels that in a way he owned her. This is because she gave him something so personal. I get frustrated when people make fun of people they dated or had sex with. When you have sex with somebody, you are equalizing yourself with them. If you are convinced you are so much greater than them, you should not have had intercourse with them. Putting down someone you had sex with is putting yourself down. Now… I understand you cannot always be familiar with their entire character… but I'm referring to when we are aware of somebody's ridiculousness, but we have sex with them anyway. Putting down a past lover is like spitting straight up in the air. It falls back on your face. And because I believe in all of this, I think there is nothing more romantic that having saved yourself for a good person. And I think it is just as undignified to be sexually unrestrained when you are a male. I'm not against multiple partners AT ALL, but I think sleeping around a lot with people you don't know well and don't feel you can love is cheap and grotesque.

Although I think judging how slutty someone is by their number of partners is stupid (maybe they did really love 19 different people), but 9 is a lot. I just wanted to point out that the estimate probably isn't innacurate. Even my promiscuous peers (I'm 17) would agree.

I DO NOT SEE ANYONE GOING ON ABOUT HOW MANY PARTNERS ANY MAN HAS HAD IN A SHOW_ LIKE NIP TUCK!!!! HELLO- ANYONE SEE THE PROBLEM HERE???
Idiots.

OK 9 just seems ridiculous to me. And I know I'm on the higher end of the scale (between 50 and 60 partners and I'm only 25) but there is no way that 9 is the average for women. I was in a serious relationship with the boy I lost my virginity to at age 16. We were together all throughout high school and college. Then I found out he was cheating on me. I was so hurt that I went out and racked up as many as I could between then and when I met my fiance. There were a few realationships after that but nothing too serious. And I was out having fun. There's nothing wrong with being promiscuous as long as you are careful. And to be honest, most of the guys I was with I knew from high school or thereafter. So I knew them on a personal level. I understand that it's a personal preference as to whether or not you sleep around, but my feeling is that the older you get and the more mature you get (of course bar hopping plays a major role in this as well) the less you tend to think about whether or not people are going to consider you slutty for your actions. ilnazhad, you are still young (and I'm not belittling you at all for this) and as you get older I'm sure your opinion on this matter will change greatly. I know when I was your age (God I sound like my mother) I had the same view as you but when you get older it just doesn't matter anymore. You get drunk, you get horny and you make mistakes (and lots of them were huge mistakes). But I would never take any of them back because I feel like it made me who I am today and because of all that heartbreak and experience I am a better, wiser woman for it.
In no way am I saying that every woman should sleep around to make themselves wiser. But I think a lot of times it has to do with insecurities as well. If a woman isn't comfortable with herself then she will tend to keep looking to the opposite sex to help make herself feel more desirable. I think that was part of my problem. And I think it's more common than one would think.

"I was so hurt that I went out and racked up as many as I could between then and when I met my fiance."
You just admitted to trying to fill a void through loveless sex.

And most of my friends are older than me. Most of them have a few partners only. I'm not saying my friends and I represent the whole, but you all are trying to prove the estimate of 9 false based on your sexual history only. Your choices do not represent the choices of all American women. I'm trying to say that your "evidence" is moot. If you want to argue that the average American female had more than 9 partners, find flaws in the study that came up with the number 9 or find research that supports your guess. Don't reinforce the stereotype that women with plenty of sexual partners are stupid.

9 isn't really all that ridiculous… I'm 24, I work in a bar, I go out a lot, I lost my virginity at 15, and I've just hit 9 now. It's all about how many serious relationships you have along the way. Nothing like a couple of 3 or 4 year gaps here and there to keep your numbers down.

Also, this is an average of all women… maybe if it were women 25 and under, 9 would be ridiculously low, but values have changed a lot over the past 60 years. I doubt our grandmas were plowing 40 or 50 guys by the time they were 25.

I can't believe I just said that. I have to go barf now.

9!?!?!

Without getting into a debate about sluts v. gigolos, promiscuity v. prudishness,

NINE IS UNREALISTIC AND DUMB.

Let's say you don't get married until, say 35, and you start having sex at 18. Even if you let only one guy a year stab you with his sword (and i think we can probably all agree that one guy a year is not much), that's still… let's see…um… divide by two, carry the one…

MORE THAN NINE!!!

my personal philosophy? sleep with peeps you've already slept with before, i.e., free refills.

ilnaz, what about putting down someone with whom you haven't had sex, but with whom you've been naked? is that also putting down yourself?

i'm really interested to know whether for you, it's the actual act of sex that is elevated in importance, or just intimacy/naky time in general.

i guess that raises the question: what is sex? especially when it comes to same sex sex.

i used to ask my gay friends, especially my lesbian friends, what constitutes sex for them. and i know that in the mormon community, a lot of teenagers have anal sex because they're not allowed to have pen/vag sex until marriage.

For me, its does not have to be intercourse. I mean when you are completely nude and touching each other. It's not like a handjob is any less intimate than intercourse.

And having anal sex does count as.. DUH.. sex. They know it does. It's just that they want to appear to be a virgin. Nobody can prove that you have been penetrated from behind.

The point is they're saying the "average" American woman has 9 partners. So that just means that all the sluts commenting on here about having 50 partners aren't very average :) So consider yourself above average.

A handjob is as intimate as intercourse? What kind of effed up handjobs are you giving? ;)

i would agree that sex encompasses almost all naked time, although i don't agree that a handjob is as intimate as intercourse. at least for women, we're getting penetrated, which seems more intimate that wrapping your hand around a wang.

but then what about anal sex.

the buttsecks alway throws a wrench into the works.

interesting topic. for sure.

well, handjobs between two men who don't enjoy the buttsecks is as intimate as hetero sex, i would reckon.

I didn't reinforce any sort of stereotype. Every single man that I slept with I had feelings on some level for. Yeah, so maybe I wasn't in love with them. That doesn't mean that I didn't love them as friends or even as more than that. It just means that they weren't relationship material.
You just took it to a personal level there ilnazhad. I didn't personally attack you and I would appreciate it if you didn't refer to me as "stupid" because I've had several partners. I was stating my personal opinion and personal experiences only to help you understand where I (and a lot of other women) are coming from. You don't know me, and you don't know what I've been through. So before you start judging me and the way I live my life, how about you make sure your own hands are clean. You're only 17, and although you seem to think you've got it all figured out, it takes a helluva lot longer than 17 years to figure it out. I'm 25 and I still have a lot to learn. So get off your high horse and stop snubbing people because you think your smarter and better.
*End Rant*

What I meant by a handjob being as "intimate" as intercourse, is that it would be arbitrary to refuse to have intercourse for ethical reasons but stimulate someone's genitals with your hands instead.
And I think anal sex is absolutely as intimate and vaginal sex. There are biological factors that make the recipient of anal sex feel pleasure, as well. (Some even recommend inserting your finger up your STRAIGHT boyfriend's ass.) And do gay people never have sex, then?
Oral sex, anal sex, vaginal sex… all different types of sex.

"And I know I’m on the higher end of the scale (between 50 and 60 partners and I’m only 25) but there is no way that 9 is the average for women."
You provided no evidence, yet you stated firmly that
the research is erroneous.
And nobody can prove any sexual lifestyle better than any other. There is no scientific proof that being promiscuous is undignified. And people who have meaningless sex are not necessarily stupid. That's a stereotype. I just meant that you cannot refute a study because you alone behaved differently that the "average American woman." That was stupid.
Nobody can prove that your sexual lifestyle is wrong, though. We all have freewill!

And who is the one on a high horse??
"you are still young (and I’m not belittling you at all for this) and as you get older I’m sure your opinion on this matter will change greatly. I know when I was your age (God I sound like my mother) I had the same view as you but when you get older it just doesn’t matter anymore."
I think it is pretentious to claim you can predict someone's future.

That's a lie, the average American woman lies about how many partner she has, so if the "average is 9", let's just say that it really is 18 therefore making the SATC numbers pretty accuarate, except for that slut Samantha of course!

I wasn't claiming to predict your future. That wasn't the case at all. I was simply stating a fact that opinions change as you get older. Don't get your feathers all in a ruffle because someone called you out on the fact that you are young. Face it honey, you ARE young. Get over it.
I love how it's alright for you to state your opinions on any matter but when someone else does it we're all of a sudden wrong.
My original message was to help you try and understand where other people are coming from. But you don't seem to care, so why even bother? It's all about you. I made it a point to tell you I wasn't belittling you and you made me out to be some sort of bitch who gets off on making fun of little girls. That is not the case at all. I was once your age too so I see where you're coming from. All I'm asking is that you accept the fact that some day you maybe, just maybe will see where I'm coming from. Accept the fact that you're young and move on.

Gee, glad I checked back on this one.
Silentnoodles: Really? You assume having a high sex drive equals low self esteem? So, with that train of thought, all women who embrace their sex drives must hate themselves and be miserable sluts, right? In my case, some of the men I slept with was to fill a void. I am not going to get into what void that was now. But on the flip side, some of the men I slept with I just slept with because I was horny, and they had a penis. Not to fill any sort of void. I now only have sex with men that I am in a committed relationship with. And I'm not judging anyone who chooses to do otherwise; because it's just that: a choice. If you choose not to sleep around, good for you. If you choose to, good for you as well. Both goes for same parties: Be safe. So silentnoodles, please keep your judgments and assumptions to yourself unless you speak with every sexually active woman out there. And halfsmoke, thanks for the awesome comment. It's like women in particular completely forget the sexual revolution. Women have sex drives. It's natural. Embrace it if you want to. If you don't, don't shove your "traditional values" down other peoples throats and think that we'll be happier your way. And also know that stifling any urges that you may have might cause some serious repercussions in the future. Also: I was really kidding about the washed up had thing. I was 18 for Pete's Sake!

"Don’t get your feathers all in a ruffle because someone called you out on the fact that you are young. Face it honey, you ARE young. Get over it."
I'm totally fine with being young. In fact, if I was old and only had this much brainpower, I would be upset.

"I love how it’s alright for you to state your opinions on any matter but when someone else does it we’re all of a sudden wrong."
You are not wrong. There is no way to prove whether saving yourself for "the right guy" is better or enjoying the pleasure of sex with anyone.
I never said that I think you should change your sexual ethics. I stated mine and I stated that you cannot disprove the study based solely on your sexual past.

Oh come off it! The sexual revolution and enjoying sex have absolutly nothing to do with my comment. You are obviously starved for attention and I never tried to shove any "traditional values" at you. You can have sex with whomever you want, just don't get offended when you put your business out there and someone calls you out.

Also it is ridiculous to assume one is stifling their urges by not sleeping with countless numbers of men. Can a person not have a lot of sex with one person?

"So silentnoodles, please keep your judgments and assumptions to yourself unless you speak with every sexually active woman out there."
Excuse me? All she did was state her sexual ethics. She did not claim to know the true feelings of every sexually active woman out there, so why are you telling her to go speak to all of them?
"It’s like women in particular completely forget the sexual revolution. Women have sex drives. It’s natural. Embrace it if you want to. If you don’t, don’t shove your “traditional values” down other peoples throats and think that we’ll be happier your way."
None of use here were forcing our opinions on you.
We only stated how our opinions differ from yours.

"Also it is ridiculous to assume one is stifling their urges by not sleeping with countless numbers of men. Can a person not have a lot of sex with one person?"
Agreed! We never said anything against masturbation or experimenting with your lover! I just think that it is more romantic and dignified to not have sex with just anybody.
And they did just throw the "sexual revolution" out there. We appreciate the sexual revolution. It allowed women to start using birth control! And talk about how they enjoy sex, too. Why are you claiming we don't understand the importance of these issues? And we are glad that you are allowed to make your own decisions to have loveless sex. Freewill, anyone?

My number's lower than 9. So I round some slut down. Ha ha.

p.s. Ilz, number 23 comment- there are drunken encounters when it's easier to jack a guy off than to have him do it next to you, 'cause there's no way you're gonna sleep with his sweaty ass. True story; not mine, but true.

i don't understand why people are fighting about this. the number of sexual partners for women vary based on their upbringing, sex drive and religious beliefs among other things. what is right for one person may not be right for another. averages are based on what the person doing the poll is told, wether or not the imformation is factual is debatable. the number of partners a woman has had is nobody's business but the woman's and and her future sexual partners. make love not war people.

Wow.
My 20s were made up of fun times, lots of sex, and lots of alcohol. Unfortunately, (or fortunately actually) when I get drunk I get HORNY, so therefore I am above average too. I must say though, it all evens out. My 30s have been made up of having babies and no (minimal) alcohol = not much sex.
I miss my 20s. I know my husband does too… :)

Oy vey. Yeah, I got defensive. And apparently, so are a lot of other people. It a typo on my part to say that everyone may be stifling their urges, because everyone has different urges. Some people I know, due to their up bringing be it religious or not, have stifled their sexual urges because of it. My point with that was if you've got it, embrace it! And if you don't, you may have some issues in the future. See how I said you MAY have some? Your probably, will, but whatevs.
Ilnazhad: Actually, she did. She said "horney as hell= low self esteem?" She was assuming I was a certain way, because I enjoy sex. You speak of free will, but then you undermine it by saying you think it's more romantic and dignified to not have sex with just anyone. Well, obviously when you're on the hunt for a one night stand you're not looking for romance. Dignity? That's depends. Bottom line: If women want to be promiscuous, leave 'em alone! Don't tell them what they are or aren't, because chances are, they probably already know.
Silent Noodles: Oh dear. I am not "starved for attention". At one point, I was. Why do you think I slept with so many guys? Ooh! And when I am in a relationship, I have more sex than I can usually handle. Because like I said before: I am horny as hell. But wait! That has nothing to do with self esteem, now does it? It just has to do with me wanting to get laid. And I wasn't referring to you when I brought up the sexual revolution. I guess I was speaking to no one in general.
And the whole traditional woman thing stems from something entirely different and unrelated to any of this, so for that, I apologize.
Mmkay? Wonderful. I'm not checking back on this thread. I'm tired.

"And if you don’t, you may have some issues in the future. See how I said you MAY have some? Your probably, will, but whatevs."
See? You just accused me of living in way that will end up with me having issues. I never said that about your choices.
"Ilnazhad: Actually, she did. She said “horney as hell= low self esteem?”"
The equation is not that simple, not all promiscuous women have low self-esteem and who said that those who aren't promiscuous are not horny? We just control our desire for sex. But I do think that not having sex with people you don't love is a way of respecting yourself. So, yeah, I agree with Silent Noodles. I'm not saying you have low self-esteem, but I think that meaningless sex undermines the importance of love and self-respect. Obviously, if we did not feel this way, we would engage in random sex, as well. It's a THEORY. You have your own.

I LOVE it when everyone gets all worked up and passionate like this.

Whew.

I need a cigarette.

I was thinking the same thing qc, but I might just need to get laid before I have that ciggy.

:)

cooter, you go on ahead, girlfriend.

I am going to sit back, reread this post while listening to The Great Marvin Gaye singing: "Let's Get It On."

I'll be sipping a smooth, smokey scotch. (Laphroaig, you are always there for me)

Oh Yes, yes, YES, I'll eventually smoke that cigarette. I'll inhale slow, deep drags, and then watch the smoke slowly waft skyward, as it makes those lazy circles.

I'll smile and remember the good times.

Then I'll put on some Barry White. LOOK OUT!
:-)

sluts v. prudes! No, just kidding. But seriously, I guess I must be the latter because I'm about to be 23 and I've only had sex with 2 men. I was a pretty boring teenager though, I almst never drank, which probably has something to do with it.

I don't know if it is the Marvin Gaye, or Barry White songs that I am listening to, or is it the Laphroiag that I am sipping?

I do know this: Sex between to consenting adults can be one of the most beautiful things on this earth. Like sunsets, and other natural phenomenon. Surreal, relaxing, fun and exciting.

I have so many happy, great memories. I am retired from all that now. Since 2001. Don't worry, it is not a dry spell, it is a lifestyle choice.

I see it like this: It's like arguing over your favorite color.

Say your favorite color is red. There is some people that just HATE red.

And lets say the red haters even come up with a word for people who love red. But they know that people who like red are good people. Some of the red haters are really just red scared. I can relate to that.

Just because we all have different favorite colors, doesn't mean some of us are better, or some of us are not as good.

You like what you like.

Now I will listen to some Burt Bacharach. Marvin Gaye and Barry White are getting me too excited.

"Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head." God Bless Burt Bacharach. :-)

"Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head." God Bless Burt Bacharach. :-)

"Raindrops Keep Falling On My Head." God Bless Burt Bacharach. :-)

I guess I am a little excited.

"And lets say the red haters even come up with a word for people who love red. But they know that people who like red are good people. Some of the red haters are really just red scared. I can relate to that."

Hahahahha. The Red Scare.

"I’ve only had sex with 2 men. I was a pretty boring teenager though, I almst never drank, which probably has something to do with it."

Drinking under age does not make you interesting. Drinking underage is now typical and to be interesting you have to be unique. And being interesting is not always better. Robert Picton is interesting. So, I disagree, you weren't boring because you didn't sleep around or drink. You were one of my few high school crushes.

I am 36… I stopped counting my number. I think it is somewhere near 40 (maybe north). Most were short lived hookups or one night stands. I was a virgin until age 20, fyi.

I never kiss and tell.

Ok, in the interest of honesty:

I only kiss and tell if I can make it into an amusing anecdote.

But I never name names.

I will always protect the identity of the participants, the way that Law and Order does.

Remember, kids! With a vast imagination, comes a grasp of masturbation!

Me too, QC! I made love to Cord Jefferson but I would never tell anybody. Who's business is that?

Yes. You nailed it ilnazhad.

(I am in a karaoke mood.)

Here is my thought via the song by George Benson also released by Whitney Houston:
(Cue the instrumentals:)

Learing to love yourself is the safest sex of all.

All kidding aside:

We humans were blessed with our 5 senses.

Taste, touch, hearing, and sight and smell.

With these 5 senses we can enjoy so many pleasures.

We are also blessed with our own intellect.

We also have our own individual sense of propriety.

So individually, we allow ourselves to feel pleasure and explore our senses and induldge our pleasures as we feel comfortable.

We all have our limits, and our heights.
We may be born to a certain type of belief system. We may have parents that instill their beliefs onto us.

But sooner or later, we all realise that we alone live our life.

That is part of this incredible journey that we are all on. This is what makes us who we are.

four for me. and that includes myself.

At my age, I think that makes me a prude.

Women with only a few partners call themselves prudes, but women with plenty don't call themselves sluts. Why do we feel the need to put ourselves down? I'm proud of my strict sexual ethics.

ilnazhad, who said being a prude was a bad thing? I totally embrace it. It's not so much strict sexual ethics as it is a debilitating fear of STIs. Also, sexual ethics seem to be based on what everyone else is doing, what's "normal," whether it's healthy or not. Seriously, who came up with the 3 date rule? There are many who don't even question it. You're just supposed to. If my serial monogamist friends are any indication, condoms are seldom involved even though they all know better.

I had lots and lots and lots of sex with lots and lots of people before I got married–and it was great. Ok, those are my thoughts on the issue :) Have fun self-obsessing, girls!

ilnazhad - you are super awesome.

The number is probably not terribly accurate because any statistic based off of what people say they do is never accurate. I'm thinking about some study that said that people who were overweight tended to underestimate how much they ate where people who were not overestimated how much they ate. Somehow I think there are a large number of women not being honest about the number or straight up not even remembering/guessing correctly.

Average means little when you have people at the extremes. Mean would be a much more interesting number.

To each his/her own.

This little sentence comes in handy, the older I get, and the more of life I see.