I always thought there was something strange looking about this kids eyes. I could definately see a bit of a wonky-eye in the making. It's sad too, but hopefully it's one of those cross-eye conditions that can be corrected with glasses. I think Demi Moore had to wear special glasses for a few years as a child to correct her cross eyes.

It can just be a weak muscle. I wouldn't go straight to surgery either.

I'd be AMAZED if that child came out completely unscathed, though.

Ha aha ha haaaa!

My son had something like that too but it was easily fixed, like Demi. My son is just like Demi more. I hope he doesn't have potato head kids. I don't know if I could love a potato head.

juju - at least you have Demi and not Rumer. Bright side babe, look at the bright side.

oh wait, I read that wrong. nevermind.

I think as long as he doesn't have a love child with Bruce Willis things should be ok.

She's not cross-eyed, by the way. That's when both eye muscles are weak. She has only one eye that turns in.

I don't know how you can inject yourself with horse tranquilizers and all the meds she was on and expect your kid to NOT have any issues. If this is it then that child hit the genetic "dodge a bullet" lottery.

Obviously nobody should have a love child with Bruce.

My apologies. Your link in the original post defined it differently.

Oops, no it didn't. I read the first paragraph's definition and blanked on the second reference.

Sorry about that.

Is this the same as "lazy eye"? I'm too lazy to look it up myself.

What's the matter Trixie, you don't know what palpebral fissures, telecanthus, epicanthus, blepharoptosis, microphthalmos, and strabismus mean?

Seriously, a first grader knows that shit. Duhhhh. I'm about to go and perform some lasik right now.

Really, Trixie. What kind of idiot would get that kind of thing wrong??

You're right, I should totally know better. I dissected a sheep's eye in 7th grade. Ms. Patrick would be so disappointed.

Then again, some of us are just unlucky. My mother is extremely anti-drug and anti-alcohol, yet I was born with a lazy left eye. Surgery corrected it, and there were no complications. In fact, I'd been wearing glasses starting at age 4, and when the surgery was done at age 6 I didn't have to wear them again for another year. I remember that day very clearly. I was told to count down from 10, and my next memory is waking up in a hospital room. I think I went home the same day, and there was never any pain or any visible sign whatsoever that I'd even had surgery besides the IV stuck in my arm. That was 23 years ago. Hopefully if it turns out she really needs the surgery he'll be able to trust her opthamologist enough to allow them to operate.

Whatever. Lazy eyes are the new DUI.

What the fuck is up with Cord recently. First no "Best, Cord" and now no "@ Offender who disagreeed with me"! For shame!

I'm guessing that, unless this kid is already sipping the Methadone, the operation would work out just fine. Blah's right- it did wonders for Demi Moore's career. That kid was a cross-eyed ug in a trailer park before she rose to fame for her stunning performances on soap operas and cinematic masterpieces like The Butcher's Wife.

There's simply no sport in it anymore, Lisa. Alas, the fun, it is gone.

Be nice, Lisa. Cord is depressed. He's really sad that Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place got cancelled. All those jokes, all the good times, gone… poof! It's like losing a best friend, and a lover, all at once.

Stay strong, Cord.

I dont know, I'm thinking Cord is starting to have feelings for the hags. He cares.

REYNOLDS!!

Like at first I thought it was like, "you guys are so stoopid. I hate you. Ha ha ha." Now I am begining to think it is all, "no, you are a fucking moron. I wish you were sterile."

I may have to start a boycott at Wal-mart or something.

I think I see what's happening. He's not spending as much time with us as he used to and now it's like his grades are slipping. These are the first signs of trouble.

He's drinking the nyquil and he thinks Ben Stiller movies are funny. It's time for an intervention.

yeah, there has to be something seriously wrong to think the heartbreak kid is funny. do you need a hug cord? i'll hug you and we can talk about our problems over some ben and jerry's.

I've been reading the comments for a long time and was too scared to actually participate. Somehow, when I had finally managed to get over my debilitating fear, my very first comment got a response from Cord. Thank Xenu, no Best, or I would have been scarred for life and never returned.

there's nothing better than a best. i've never gotten a best but i imagine it's very rewarding.

Oh, deimos, then what you're saying is I have failed and there are no halfsies? Does this mean I have to try harder? I really hate making an effort at anything as I'm just a fat, lazy housewife who does nothing all day but spend my husband's money. And beat my children.

Esquared, you'll know you've arrived when you are passed over for a Commie.

Speaking of…
What do you think the chances are? I think it is part of Cord's nefarious plan to take away everything we love (about this site).

yeah, being passed over for a commie means you are an offical hag. i haven't gotten a commie in months, i trying to take away kitchy's former title of longest streak without a commie. speaking of commies it is monday…

if he wanted to take away everything we love about this site he would have to start being really nice to us all the time for no reason, we hags love our grumpy cord.

Hmm, that means I actually have to try to come up with clever and witty things so that I won't win any Commies. Or, I can just type 15 paragraphs of nonsense because I've noticed those usually win. I'm off to plagiarize from Perez Hilton.

I've gotten 3 so far. He gives you a bone every once in awhile to keep you excited. But then witholds the love. I got a spanking with no best.

Given her mother, I believe the term most applicable here is "cock-eyed".

Someone had to say it.

Was it good for you juju?

you can do it EM, i believe in you.

I think of it daily. that means I need to get out more. But I like to roll like Esquared.

jujubees, well, if you're a fat housewife like me, then "roll" is how you get around.

I exercise a lot so I'm on the thin side, or I'd have to take the adderall But the rest of it is pretty much the same.

Anyone seen ET? Good thing she left before she saw the decline of our civilization:
1) No Recent Comments
2) No Bestings
3) No Commies?
Oh the humanity!

EsquaredMom, you can't be both lazy AND beat your kids. Beating people requires initiative and energy.

my life would be empty if he took commies away, i would have to go to new york and give him a drive by assing.

Well, I was joking about the fat thing, too. Not that I'm skinny but I definitely don't roll around. Yet. But the rest I meant, especially the beating of my children. At least twice a day, and once on Sundays, since it's the Lord's Day and all and I need the rest.

I exercise and only breathe diet air that I buy from Janice.

Lily the Pink, thank you for spoiling my fun. How about I'm lazy EXCEPT when my children require beating? See above.

I'm too lazy to have my own kids to beat. But when I am feeling extra sprightly - say after my 4th fappakeeno - I beat other people's kids. I bet I could slap Dannilynn's eye straight.

EsquaredMom, the Bible says "He that spareth his rod hateth his son." It's not nice to hate your kids on the Lord's day. You should at least smack them on the back of the head a couple times. Otherwise you'll ruin their self-esteem.

Lily - the cock-eyed comment is Commie gold. I've stayed home all day in anticipation of reading them (not really, I just had a "fuck work" day). Instead I stayed home, made home made ice cream and watched Golden Girls. It's been more rewarding than you know.

i'm awarding you with a commie for that one lisa, that was great.

Lisa, do you rent yourself out? Come on over, I've got a couple of kids that you can take out your frustrations on.

Lily, thanks, I'll remember that. I'll have to make an extra effort so they feel loved and embraced, no matter what day of the week it is.

EM: Imagine how loved they will feel knowing you hired someone to beat them. I work pretty cheap - $25 a beating. I am like a domanatrix, but less fun!

when i want to punish my step brother i just chase him around with a picture of pete dorety. true story.

And maybe I can hire you to beat my husband, too, Lisa? He likes dominatrices but I'm so tired after beating my kids I don't have the energy for him. Hey, that's probably why my boobs don't help tone my abs- clearly more is required than just lying there and asking: "Are you done yet?"

Beating your kids is hard work, but you have responsibilities to own up to. It's not like they don't deserve it. Spice it up, get a hangar, a wooden spoon, an asp. Keep it interesting.

I like to make my kids hitchhike up to starbucks to get me my damn frapps. Until they deliver, it's my only option. I also like to hire the Burger King to babysit them. They have many "issues".

Well, my 8 year old is supposed to be in school most of the day, and the 2 year old gets lost on the way to Tim Hortons (I'm Canadian), so sending them out for my Iced Cappuccinos usually results in a call from the school or from the police.

I don't have kids, but I rent them out from the nannies around here. All the kids parents are wealthy and it's not like the nannies speak English or anything. I take the kiddo's down to Taco Bell to show them the rough side of town.

17th bitches!

I dont have little skillets either but I'm willing to beat other peoples children free of charge. I can shake a baby like no one else.

I hate when they rat you out to the cps. Snitches! Wahhh, my mom makes me cook dinner. Being 3 is not a good excuse.

My Mollygood reverie was just broken by two co-workers talking outside my office door. All I heard was "…my cow getting attacked by a tiger and man, he had fire balls, like real fire balls…" and I thought that was an extremely odd conversation, then I realized I had just been contemplating how one would beat their kid with an asp, or if you were meant to get it to bite your kids, and if Lisa could create a sliding scale based on the size of the person she beats.

Exactly, juju! Who cares about the burns? Suck it up, Princess.

Lily, I too was wondering how you would use an asp to beat someone. Am I missing something? Other than my bottle of wine. I sent that kid to the liquor store an hour ago, dammit!

commies are up!

Re asp: I think either you whip them with it OR (and this is my personal fave) put the asp and the child on a sumo mat, but surround the area with precariously perched instruments of doom and harm - so as they jump away from the asp when it strikes(an asp is a type of cobra right? because for this to work the asp needs to strike) they bump into pointy objects and a stack of chipped plates falls on their heads.

Asp beating sounds hardcore. I think those are poisonous.

An asp is like a police baton only worse. It even sounds mean doenst it? Asp…(shiver)

I will be your ass with an asp. I someone said that to me while I was holding an asp, I wouldn't be sure what the hell was going to happen.

Sounds very "Pulp Fiction" me juju. I'd be wary of gimp mask.

I would hope Bruce Willis would show up and save my ass. But I hope I wouldn't be so grateful I'd have an ugly love child with him.

Amatuers, I got my kids to beat themselves, back in the day. And they became better people because of it. We all did it that way.

Flagellators during the black plague had nothing,
NOTHING on us.

I drank beer in my spare time.

Kids today are so spoiled and pampered.

Nothing worst than a wonk!!

I love a good drunken late night post. I need to sleep less so I can be here with the Queen is.

I am almost in disbelief that Larry Birkhead would sell a story about his own daughter's disability to Entertainment Tonight. Is nothing sacred anymore? I'm not sure who is more irresponsible here, him or ET. When Dannielynn is older does anyone think she is going to appreciate this having been broadcast on national television?

i was born crossed eyed and ive had glasses for my whole life..and 2 weeks before my 16th birthday i had surgery bc i was haing a sweet sixteen and i didnt want my eye crossing with my contacts in the pics everything came out good thank god<3