Look! It's me, Cord, with Trent from Pink Is the New Blog. (Search Mollygood on Wikipedia and it takes you to his entry. Weird, but I'm too indifferent to change it.) Where did this meeting of the typists occur? At In Touch magazine's fifth anniversary party. There was much to behold, and we beheld all of it. Boy did I dance badly, but to what I can't remember on account of being slightly tipsy. Drinking is an absolute necessity when swimming with the heeled and hatted sharks that attend these things. After the jump, the stories!
I ran into Daily Newser Ben Widdicombe, whom, someone told me, was surprised to find out I am a straight man. (I thought it a bold assumption until I turned around and saw Nigel Barker with his hands all over a woman.) As he is the king of the blind items – I very regularly steal his work in that category – I asked Widdicombe if he knew who our coprophagist is. He had no idea, though I'm not sure he didn't twice pretend to not hear the question, forcing me to sheepishly yell, "Eating poop!" in a club crowded with semi-important people in media.
I spilled a drink! Its owner was not pleased and I made my way to a different section of the churning fray. "Kanye doesn't want to take any fucking pictures when he comes in," a painted publicisomething warned a shorter, chubbier friend, "so if you want one you have to come now!" The two scurried off. "Janet Jackson just squelched some girl's weave after it caught on fire," I was told, and I've not ever been angrier about missing something. Looking at her, it was easy to see that Jackson had the cool-headedness needed when conflagrations and the like break out. She looked so relaxed and bored that I was worried her heart might stop. She never removed her jacket nor her scarf, and it was hot in there. "I do believe she's over this," I told the Jossip Initiatives adman. "I love you, Janet," he howled animatedly enough for her to notice. She did not smile.
White women and black men went absolutely crazy when Kanye West performed. And, like a filthy, traitorous hypocrite, I rapped along to "Can't Tell Me Nothing." ("Wait 'til I get my money right"? I don't have any money to get right.) More drinks. A man in a striped shirt in the bathroom remarked to another man that he was a "pimp." Richie Rich backed into me on accident while preening for a camera. He's definitely gay.
After walking a woman to a cab, I attempted to return to the party, but a bouncer shoved me. "Party's over," he said, before clipping up a velvet rope at thigh height. "But all my friends and credit card are in there," I told him. His reply: "You got too much estrogen on you, bitch." I was not shocked. "I think you're a jerk," a girl next to me said to him. "Well, I think you got an ugly dress on," he then said. I left for the subway.
The gift bag contained, among other things, an ostensibly expensive pencil and a tube of Shockers Squeez Sour Candy. I went to bed drunk, feeling completely out of touch.
[Source]
Editor
i love that blog!!!!
cord, you are so cute… maybe ill take the fred durst pic out of my wallet and start carrying yours.
Which one is you?
I kid. I kid because I love.
How did you not know that Nigel Barker is not gay? He's practically a classified sexual predator.
You wear hot pink without irony, Cord - be still my beating heart.
Love you Cord, keep up the great work!
And the heart necklace… let's not overlook the heart necklace…
I bet that Perez is the picture in his heart locket.
Cord looks eerily identical to my boyfriend…
I wonder if that's why he came home covered in pencil lead and stinking of Squeeze Sour Candy last night.
HOW YOU STAY FAITHFUL IN A ROOM FULLA HOESSS
Cord was getting jealous because we weren't paying him any attention. Hot Pink!
I am truly powerless against those pillowy lips.
Is it just me or does it look like Cord was smoking the marijuana cigarettes before this photo?
Nigel and his wife were on Top model last night. I though he was straight…
He does have that red-in-the-eye with a permagrin thing going on.
So you gotta problem with that?
cord has the stoner look in the eye for sure and it only makes me love him more. hydroponics are fun, right cord?
Glad you had a good time Cord. You should invite some of the hags to join you sometime!
juju… evil… you guys up for a Cord party too?
Hydroponics are fun.
Seeing Janet Jackson set a weave on fire is fun, but seeing it while you're stoned is epic.
I noticed that too…. but they're almost too wide. Was Cord rolling?!?
Who IS that woman that Nigel Barker is pawing? And more importantly…can I be next?
Nigel Barker can sexually predate (i realize that is not a word, i don't care. eff webster…) me any time as long as it's only for one night AND if Cord offers to do me that night, Nigel has to reschedule. Those are my conditions, dont judge me.
That is telling, adad. I would make Cord reschedule, just because he'd be angry and therefore hotter.
More info on the gift bag bro! Was it a canvas tote or plastic, anything that a guy like you won't need (make-up)??
p.s. Fierce D-backs cap!
cord needs to stop posting pics of his fine ass, it makes it hard to focus on work.
cord is beautiful, but i think he needs a nap
I think all he needs is a shawarma and a sofa. That's usually what I need when I'm high.
haha, true evil. very true. that's a hot mental picture…
Oh I didn't notice the D-back hat… totally blows my whole image of Cord. He'll definately need to lose that before the hag party.
So I go off and do actual work for one day and I miss this. It has been said many times over but I will say it again. Dude, you are hot. Like seriously. Wooot. *pours cup of water over herself*
Cord, is that shirt fuschia in honor of the Jossip staff?
aw…i hope that douche bag bouncer was referring to the fact that you had too many women hanging off of you and not anything about a pink shirt or a heart shaped necklace.
anyways, the bitch is just a hater - you're totally cute.
Re: Noted Photographer Nigel Barker. He was revealed as MARRIED on last night's ANTM. His wife looks suspiciously unlike the woman in the photo.
His wife is gorgeous though. I am going to choose to believe it's just Nigel looking fierce for a faux-toe.
OMG, I am going to his blogspot right now–I am certain that he will have this photo up, Cord as you are wearing his FAV. color, PINK!
Straight?…
Oh, be still my quivering heart.
Cord is soooo CUTE!what a hottie!
omg you look just like my friend justin (the guy who has no problem calling himself a half-rican…)
You are so hot cord! If you ever come to detroit let me know!
candice
Why is Janet Jackson still hiding in the closet? Hollywood knows she is gay.
funny Janet was mentioned as a lesbian. I knew that since way back.