All Five Of You
Prepare to disinfect your television sets: Paris Hilton is returning to the small screen with a new reality series. The premise is groundbreaking:
The show is going to be about her searching for a new best friend. Paris is tired of the haters and she's looking for someone new. She's looking for someone new and cool who she can trust.
We know you're all wondering what network will be lucky enough to score the show, and the answer is MTV or VH1. Because they'll show anything.
But more importantly: Why does her mouthpiece insist on talking like a 13-year-old?
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she talks like a 13 year old because she so used to explaining things to paris. you have to dumb yourself down ALOT to talk to that bitch. slut.
she's*
Further evidence as to why MTV sucks.
how cute.
she finds a best friend, and then they
meet at the monkey bars after lunch.
That fucking cunt is smart as hell regardless of her acting and talking like a 12 year old. She was actually starting to fall off the map and it looked like she might disappear soon but she's going to do a TV show to keep herself in the public. Cant stand her but she isnt stupid.
Yes she is.
Lets go ahead and add her to the list of people that get smacked! Who's with me?
I'm so with you, I'm holding the banner.
just a smack?
Oooh the lengths I would go to…I must be on this show. Not because I love Paris, but quite the opposite. It seems like a good opportunity to show the world what a dumb slut she is while still getting picked to be her new bff!
I guess "'whom' she can trust" would be out of the question.
I am going to apply for a job as a writer on the show. Here are some of the BFF challenges I have drummed up in a span of 3 seconds:
**Teach Paris to say the ABCs without incorporating the song
**Apply soothing medication to her alleged herpes sores in the shortest amount of time
**Identify the one boy out of 50 whose penis she has not come into contact with. (Hint: It's the black guy.)
I think that Paris, Tyra and Beyonce should become the best of friends. They'd either go into a frenzy to see who becomes the "leader," or they'd simply implode. Either way, it would rid us of these self-absorbed, vapid metards once and for all.
Teach Paris how to put down the Blackberry.