MONEY FOR NOTHING Hey, starving Americans, wanna be millionaires? Become famous failed hookers! "She had nixed a previous offer to do a Tila Tequila-style contest show for MTV, but Eliot Spitzer's tattooed honey [Ashley Dupre] was offered a new deal by LA reality-show producer David Krieff. Krieff approached Dupre two weeks ago after getting a letter of commitment from an entertainment network and a major studio, he told The Post. … 'It's a seven-figure deal,' said Krieff, the reality veteran who brought together Amy Fisher and the Buttafuocos for a TV special and did a similar pairing of rival ice queens Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding."

Ashley Alexandra Dupré, aka Ashley Youmans, the ambitious young escort who became an instant celebrity after getting caught servicing ex-governor Eliot Spitzer, is being offered $1 million to drop a $10 million lawsuit she's brought against Girls Gone Wild. Dupré is suing the bastards for allegedly plying her with alcohol, "tricking" her into getting naked on camera and then — without her consent — using that footage in a video.

Joe Francis, head asshole at Girls Gone Wild, says Dupré has "zero chance" of winning the lawsuit, as he has "videotape of her giving consent, while showing her identification." Francis recommends Dupré take the million and walk: "She should keep in mind, it's considerably more than the Governor of New York paid her, and our activities aren't illegal," he told the New York Daily News. Oh, man, we hate that guy.

More than ever before, we are hoping and wishing for a hell in which guys like Joe Francis get the shit beaten from them hour after hour by Amazonian superbitches with real boobs and big fists.

GIRLS GONE LITIGIOUS "The call girl linked to the downfall of former New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer sued the founder of the 'Girls Gone Wild' series on Monday for $10 million, claiming he exploited her image and name to advertise the racy videos. Ashley Alexandra Dupre, 22, contended in the lawsuit that she was only 17 — too young to sign legally binding contracts — and drunk on spring break in 2003 when she agreed to be filmed for 'Girls Gone Wild' in Miami Beach."

MONEY FOR NOTHING, CHICKS FOR FREE " … 'Girls Gone Wild' founder Joe Francis was prepared to pay [Ashley Youmans, Eliot Spitzer's prostitute] $1 million to appear in the company's new magazine, but then rescinded the offer when it was discovered she was already in one of the company's videotapes from 2003. Even the Orlando Sentinel discovered it had a topless image of her from a story that year on the 'Girls Gone Wild' series."

• Some things don't ever need to "git dun." [BWE]

• The New York Times is now sparking gay rumors. Give it two more years before Family Circus is next to Maureen Dowd. [DListed]

• This just keeps getting better: Eliot Spitzer's number one lady was once the star of a Girls Gone Wild scene. [HT]

• It's NYC graffiti, son! Co-opt that shit. [CityRag]

• Carrie Bradshaw says she's angry about Maxim naming her the least sexy woman in the world, and that it made her husband, Matthew Broderick, question his taste in women. Understandable, but they should both realize they're getting mad at Maxim, laugh and then use that paper erection as kindling. [Yeeeah]

• Candy Spelling gets blog space on the Huffington Post? Really? Oh, cruel media. [ICYDK]

• Ashley Tisdale is a Muppet, right? [INO]

Ashley Youmans, the Jersey prostitute so enticing she made Eliot Spitzer forget he could maybe one day be President, was once also a plaything of famed whoremonger Charlie Sheen, according to a report out of the UK.

Pimp Jason Itzler, 41, claims he sent [Youmans] under the name of Victoria and another girl, Cheryl, to Sheen more than two years ago …

He claims Sheen paid $20,000 for a threesome with the girls dressed up as cheerleaders.

"Sheen got the girls to dress up as cheerleaders and chant his name while performing sex acts. They loved Charlie. They said he was a great guy. A great lover. One time he had them dressed up like cheerleaders, chanting 'Charlie! Charlie! He's our man. If he can't do it, nobody can!'"

Sheen's publicist says that even if the "alleged cheerleader incident" did happen, it happened 15 years ago. Translation: "The cheerleader incident did happen, just not with Youmans."

WHO SAYS THE TIMES IS TOO POMPOUS? From an article entitled "Emperor’s Club Sold an Oxymoron: High-Class Prostitution": "Here’s the fantasy that the prostitution ring, the Emperor’s Club V.I.P., was selling Governor Spitzer about a young woman it called Kristen, who calls herself Ashley Alexandra Dupré: that she was a successful swimsuit model who’d traveled the world (as opposed to a singer getting nowhere with a boyfriend who’d paid her rent, as The Times reported yesterday); that she enjoyed civilized pursuits like dining at exclusive restaurants (actually, she’s been hoping for work at a friend’s restaurant); and that she liked sampling fine wines (no mention of the drug abuse she’d reported on her MySpace page). The site also described her as 24 (in fact, she’s 22, an age that might have sounded dangerously collegiate to an affluent clientele)."

Ashley Youmans, aka Ashley Alexandra Dupré the fledgling chanteuse, aka Kristen of the Emperor's Club prostitution ring, aka the worst decision Eliot Spitzer ever made, is not a foolish call girl. She knows you gotta strike while the iron's hot, so that's why, yesterday, she debuted a new song on the Internets, despite currently being involved in one of the biggest scandals in the nation. (Nevermind that everyone's calling her a whore, maybe those puritans like to dance!)

Kristen's latest track is called "Move Ya Body," and, for just 98 cents, it can be yours—totally worth it as far as ironic downloads go. A sampling of the lyrics: "If you wanna take me out after the club/ You gotta do it right, baby, show me some love/ Sex, money, drugs is what I'm all about…" Good for her. Two out of three ain't bad, Eliot.