Awards are fun to get, but the subjectivity of the world ultimately renders them meaningless. And people doing what they love shouldn't give arbitrary awards much thought. That's why the self-importance of the Oscars is so unbearable, and it's also why it's great to see Conan O'Brien goofing off while accepting his Irish Spirit Award. Well done, laddie.
After the jump, Conan during his acceptance speech, doing what looks to be an imitation of a drunk chugging a beer.
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We show you a picture of an event and you guess where it’s taking place: New York, LA or London. Simple, right? No peeking.
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In New York, we get used to seeing junkies of all physicalities and addictions, so Amy Winehouse's turbulent movements at last night's Brit awards aren't unusual to us. We just hope all the violent, seemingly unconscious wiggling means she's kicking heroin and not high on crack, because sometimes they look the same.
Perez Hilton must have stolen Paris' invitation to the Brit Awards red carpet and then asked a blind person to choose an outfit for him based on what felt "pretty." Oh, and then he smothered his face in a giant powdered doughnut.
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Ryan Gosling received the Santa Barbara Film Festival's inaugural Independent Award, an honor established to recognize actors who have made "a significant and unique contribution to independent film." Presumably the festival committee was most impressed by Gosling's breakthrough work in Young Hercules.
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HATERS We said it weeks ago. Twice. Others are starting to catch up: "…frankly, I don’t want to see Juno within a thousand feet of the Kodak Theater. I want her and her twee champions stopped at the metal detector. I want her turned away for being underdressed. I want her Toyota Previa to run out of gas on the 405. I want Blood’s Daniel Plainview to barge into Ellen Page’s pre-Oscar interview with Barbara Walters and bellow: 'I drink your Sunny D! I drink it up! Slurrrrrrrrrp!'…'If There Will Be Blood and No Country for Old Men split the smart-person vote, and Juno actually wins, I will understand, even better than I do now, how the Unabomber felt in his cabin all those years.'"
The Screen Actors Guild Awards, which this year replaced the Golden Globes and might also serve instead of the Oscars, were today described by the New York Times as "dignified." Is that to say that, in years past, the SAG Awards had been undignified? Perhaps.
The show, which was allowed by the Writers Guild, went on without a preening master of ceremonies or any long production numbers. No winners felt the need to weep about their mothers or their political opinions. Even the salutes to the guild’s 75-year history were for the most part brisk and entertaining.
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The evening was so speedy that viewers were not given a chance to linger over movie stars decked out in designer finery…
The Times concludes that "when it comes to award-show writing, less is more." We completely agree, and, prompted by the tepid viewer response, posit this: maybe nothing is best.
Also at the Screen Actors Guild Awards this year was the fiery Josh Brolin, who took the stage with the rest of the No Country for Old Men cast when they won for best ensemble. Brolin, who saw his career revitalized in 2007 with roles in Old Men and American Gangster, seemed to feel personally responsible for the award, telling co-star Woody Harrelson to "back off" when Harrelson suggested he thank the movie's directors, the Coen brothers, and asserting "this is my fricking moment." Good for him.
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We never thought we'd say this, but we missed Ryan Seacrest last night during E!'s red carpet coverage of the Screen Actors Guild awards (he called in sick). Between Giuliana Rancic and Debbie Matenopoulos, we were contemplating gouging our eyes out 20 minutes into the hooplah due to the extreme level of awkwardness these ladies achieved. Debbie forced poor Debra Messing to listen to her discuss her hair straightening regimen for what seemed like hours (Debra had an appropriate "What the hell?" look on her face the entire time), and then Giuliana treated us to a rant in which she criticized the media for making a circus out of Heath Ledger's death. Which is appropriate, since she works for one of those media outlets and all.
But our favorite moments had to be when Giuliana and Debbie would butcher the celebrities' names, often during an interview with said celebrity. Above, we present Julia Fischer, Jennifer Ferrera, and America's favorite couple: Brad and Angela.
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This year, the Screen Actors Guild honored Daniel Day-Lewis with the award for best actor for his powerful turn in the unusual There Will Be Blood. Day-Lewis then honored his colleague Heath Ledger, dedicating his victory to the recently deceased young man. His speech was very kind and intense, if not a little meandering.
One really can buy one's way into Harvard!
…the folks at Harvard University's Harvard Lampoon magazine have chosen none other than Paris Hilton to be honored as their Woman of the Year.
[Hilton], who received a GED in spite of having attended some of the country's finest schools, is expected to give an acceptance speech at the ceremony in Harvard Square on Feb. 6.
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We're sure you've heard: Thanks to the WGA strike, the Golden Globes were canceled, and it is completely plausible that the Oscars might also be canned. Huzzah! Use the hours that would have been spent gown-spotting in front of the television to play with your kids. Or, spend some time making kids (which we hear is all the rage).
Of course, not everyone shares our delight with the abandonment of the masturbatory ceremonies. Prone as they are to worship false Gods, Hollywood heavies are bemoaning the quashing of the golden statues.
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Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie arrived late to the Critic's Choice Awards last evening in Santa Monica, despite the fact that Jolie was an acting nominee for A Mighty Heart. The show's production staff shuffled the couple in at the first commercial break, and then Jolie lost.
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SELF-COITUS INTERRUPTUS "…NBC will not be broadcasting a big Golden Globes show as planned for January 13th. Nor will a much ballyhooed unbroadcasted event be held, either. Instead, a stripped down announcements telecast will be aired by NBC News."
Madonna's going to Cleveland and coming back a certified legend.
The ageless Queen of Pop was today announced as a Rock and Roll Hall of Fame inductee, as were John "Cougar" Mellencamp, Leonard Cohen, The Ventures and The Dave Clark Five. Nobody really cares about the last two.
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Here is Tyra Banks, in her own words, looking "White House-ey" at last night's CNN Heroes Tribute, an event held to recognize "ordinary people" from around the globe who strive to make the world better for their fellow man.
Banks is nothing out of the ordinary, but let's hope she was not honored.
After a fun-filled evening spent swirling around London's SoHo district and spitting on photographers – "a mystery white powder smeared across her nostrils" and her beehive perched ever precariously – the tireless Amy Winehouse awoke today to discover she was the recipient of six Grammy nominations.
This year's Grammy ceremony will mark the 50th anniversary of the awards and the 25th anniversary of the awards being political instead of meritorious. That in mind, we think the infamous Winehouse's chances of winning are slimmer than her.
A shame, because a Grammy award could easily become two eight balls at the right pawn shop.
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