SHE NEEDS TO GO AWAY “Sienna Miller is suing two media organizations over the topless photos of her vacationing with new beau Balthazar Getty. According to London’s The Guardian, she claims photo agency Big Pictures and British tabloids News of the World and the Sun violated her privacy by publishing photos and stories about her new romance.”

BLIND ITEMING “Which reality TV has-been can’t even go to paid appearances anymore? His manager is too worried about how trashed he gets when he’s on the payroll.”

THIS CAN ONLY END BADLY “[OK! magazine] can exclusively confirm that Justin Timberlake is recording a duet with Britney for her upcoming studio album.”

WE FORGOT SHE WAS IN REHAB“After successfully completing four weeks of treatment for anxiety and depression, Heather Locklear is back home. ‘Heather’s feeling really great,’ says a close friend. ‘And she looks beautiful, just radiant.’”

MILEY CAN’T QUIT WHILE SHE’S AHEAD “[Miley] Cyrus is rumored to be interested in the lead role in Undiscovered Gyrl … which would be that of ‘a lovable, lost suburban girl who descends into a life of reckless partying and promiscuity.’ The source says if Cyrus did take the part, you’d be seeing a lot more of Cyrus than what appeared in the Vanity Fair photos. ‘There would definitely be nude scenes,’ says the source.”

PHEW “Christian Bale has just been released from a London pokey. … Scotland Yard tells TMZ Bale has been ordered to make an appearance back at the cop shop in September.”

GOOD FRIENDS “Two practical jokers are behind bars for setting their passed-out drinking buddy’s crotch ablaze while boozing in Grover Beach. … Elliot Tuleja was passed out when the men poured cologne on the man’s groin and set him on fire on Jan. 18. Tuleja had second-degree burns on his testicles.”

A DATE HAS BEEN SET “Conan O’Brien will take over the Tonight show next June — and what happens to deposed host Jay Leno after that is anybody’s guess. Leno’s last show will be Friday, May 29, and O’Brien will start the following Monday, June 1, NBC executives told a Television Critics Association meeting Monday.”

LOWERING THE BAR “Tori Spelling is writing a book tentatively titled Mommywood, a followup to her best-selling memoir sTori Telling. … Mommywood will focus on her life as mom to one-year-old son Liam and newborn daughter Stella with husband Dean McDermott.”

IS THIS SOME SORT OF RECORD? “DMX was [arrested] for allegedly giving a false name and Social Security number to Scottsdale’s Mayo Clinic in April. Simmons supposedly used the name ‘Troy Jones’ to weasel out of paying for $7,500 in medical expenses. … DMX was also arrested on July 2, June 27, June 23, May 9 and May 7 of this year.”

LET THE PAPARAZZI STALKING BEGIN “Angelina Jolie and her twins, Knox and Vivienne, have left the hospital. According to a statement released by the Fondation Lenval — the Nice, France, clinic where Jolie, 33, delivered the babies by Cesarian section last Saturday — the three left before dawn Saturday.”

LET THE RECORD-BREAKING BEGIN “Buoyed by excellent reviews and exceptional word of mouth, the Batman adventure The Dark Knight has set a box office record for any midnight debut. … The movie made $18.5 million on Friday from its showings in 3,040 theaters, topping the $16.9 million made by the debut of 2005’s Star Wars Episode III: The Revenge of the Sith.”

LET’S MAKE A DEAL “Accused con artist Raffaello Follieri could be getting ready to cut his losses and make a deal with prosecutors. … Assistant US Attorney Reed Brodsky has estimated Follieri would likely spend up to nine years behind bars if a jury convicts him of wire fraud and money laundering. A deal to plead guilty could land him a reduced sentencing range of five to six and a half years.”

ALL IN THE NAME OF PUBLICITY “A year ago, he was throwing down gay-hate; now Isaiah Washington is ponying up for them? So it appears, according to Outsports, which says that the gay f-bomb-dropper has given some serious cash to a fund that’s working to stop the anti-gay-marriage amendment in California.”

AMERICAN PRICK SELLS GAUDY MONSTROSITY TO RUSSIAN PRICK “Real estate mogul Donald Trump closed the sale of a Palm Beach mansion to a Russian billionaire Tuesday for the blockbuster price of $95 million. ‘I love breaking records,’ Trump said Wednesday, ‘and this is a record.’ It’s believed to be the most expensive single-family home ever sold in the United States.”

ALL BABIES ALL THE TIME! “Jennifer Garner and husband Ben Affleck are expecting another baby, Garner’s former Alias co-star Victor Garber confirms to Usmagazine.com. ‘Yes, she is,’ Garber, who currently stars on ABC’s Eli Stone, told Us when asked if recent speculation was true that the couple is expecting. (Garber officiated the couple’s 2005 wedding.) A source adds, ‘She is five months pregnant. They are very happy.’”

WHAT COULD BE WORSE THAN REALITY TV CAMERAS? “Denise Richards went to court this morning, asking the custody judge for an emergency order restricting Charlie [Sheen]’s access to their kids. … We’re told they told the judge there’s a serious issue in Charlie’s home that could have an adverse impact on the kids.”

WHAT’S WORSE THAN A DOWNGRADE? “Miranda Kerr’s romance with Orlando Bloom is over, says an insider who adds that she has rebounded into the arms of her former flame, oil heir Brandon Davis.”