For the last few idiots left who look to Lynne Spears for parenting advice, consider this: The woman just leaked some of the "shocking" revelations from her new tell-all disguised as a celebrity parenting how-to in an effort to garner some publicity. The revelations include stories about Britney's sex life and drug and alcohol abuse, which would be surprising if the wise Road Kill Willie hadn't already spilled the beans.
Apparently Lynne claims that Britney began drinking alcohol at the age of 13, when she joined the Mickey Mouse Club. By 14, she had lost her virginity to an 18-year-old football player from her hometown, and by 15 she was taking drugs. Lynne details "the horror when Britney, just 16, was caught with cocaine and cannabis on a private jet." While Brit was the same age, Lynne allowed her to sleep with then-boyfriend Justin Timberlake because "Lynne thought Britney was in love and Justin was good for her."
So lessons learned? Lynne says she "regrets handing over control of Britney’s career to managers and allowing her daughter to be promoted as a sex object in raunchy videos at such a young age," which is basically saying, "I'm sorry those other people screwed up." Sounds like Mother of the Year to us.
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Lindsay Lohan's freak-sistah (not Ali) is getting a chance to tell her possibly-insightful story of growing up a real-life Tenenbaum. Samantha Ronson is in talks to pen a memoir about her life, and while everyone is freaking out that Samantha is using her relationship with LiLo to garner interest (she is), the DJ/club owner/child-of-a-socialite probably has some juicy niblets from her own life that don't involve Fire Crotch. Is Ronson a legitimate celebrity without Lindsay? No. But that's not usually a criteria for authors.
Best part of the whole book lead up?
PHELPS, GHOSTWRITER IN THE MONEY "Michael Phelps, winner of eight gold medals in Beijing and the man being hailed as the greatest Olympian of all time, … snagged an estimated $1.6 million advance from the Free Press imprint of Simon & Schuster for his latest book, to be called 'Built to Succeed.' Waxman Literary Agency, working with Phelps' long-time talent manager Peter Carlisle of Octagon, brokered the deal, which had a $1 million floor price just to get into the hunt."
Sean Connery's new autobiography, Being a Scot, was released today in the UK. The book finds the first and most famous Bond musing on "many aspects of Scottish culture and life, including sport, architecture, and of course the gothic tendency in Scots literature," while also offering enlightening anecdotes from his 78 years as a Scotsman. No word yet on whether Connery has used any part of Being a Scot to discuss under what circumstances a man can smack his lippy wife. In case he hasn't, we've got a brief video lesson after the jump.
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IMBECILES PROTEST CHARACTERS USING MEAN WORD "Several dozen disability advocates converged in front of Monday night's Westwood premiere of 'Tropic Thunder' to protest the comedic use of the word retard. Chanting 'Ban the movie, ban the word,' marchers carried signs with such slogans as 'R-word = hate speech' and passed out flyers urging a boycott of the comedy. The DreamWorks film, which features Ben Stiller playing an actor best known for his role as a mentally challenged man in the ficticious drama 'Simple Jack,' has garnered a wave of criticism in recent weeks culminating with Monday's protest." Ban the word? Smells like fascism! Quick, everyone fire your commie friends' copies of Huckleberry Finn and To Kill a Mockingbird.
Five days, people, and the long-awaited, understandably mocked Lynne Spears memoir, Through the Storm, will be upon us.
The cover photo finds Spears, deliverer of Britney and Jamie Lynn, staring pensively out of a window, thinking on some unknown turbulence, surely considering how her daughters' money will help her carry on. And the tome's content is just as ridiculous.
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IT RUNS IN THE FAMILY "Candy Spelling tells ET exclusively she's writing a book! 'It's true,' she says. 'I am close to signing a deal to write a book. But everyone should hold on. I have lots of stories I've never told, and they will all be in my book!'"
MALE-CENTRIC BOOK MOCKING FEMALE-CENTRIC BOOK TO MAKE MILLIONS "Warner Bros. has acquired rights to the book 'Drink, Play, F@#K,' the provocatively titled comedic male retort to the femme-centric best-seller 'Eat, Pray, Love.' The soon-to-be-published 'Play,' by comedy writer Andrew Gottlieb, tells the fictional story of Bob Sullivan, a man who, seeking solace after his wife leaves him, goes on a bender in Ireland, takes a gambling jaunt to Las Vegas and a embarks on a sex-tourism trip to Thailand."
Behold the official cover of Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen's new book, Influence. It's about as creative as the book title, but at least we can't see what burlap sacks they're wearing. And we're not even going to attempt to figure out which twin is which.
Still following Madonna brother Chris Ciccone’s lengthy press tour? Well, we are, so suffer with us, will you?
After hitting up Good Morning America and Chelsea Lately to promote a tell-all about his singer sister, Ciccone now sits down — or, rather, has sat down — with the barely-there Page Six Magazine.
If you’re like us, you want to go straight to the end, so here it is, as told by a press release:
[Ciccone] knows the book won’t bring them closer together, and she’ll probably be furious. Christopher, however, is optimistic. 'Look, I don’t think the book is going to make us closer at this point,' he says. 'But when she reads it and finds out what I was going through and who I am as a person… well, I just don’t think anything bad can come of that.'
“When she reads it?” Oh, you dear, dear boy…
You probably don't want to revisit this, but remember when Dustin Diamond tried to get the public to help pay his mortgage by purchasing autographed T-shirts online? And then when that didn't work, he attempted to profit from starring in a sex tape? That was naturally followed by two stints on Celebrity Fit Club, and yet he still hasn't had enough public exposure.
So he's finally come up with a genius idea: a Saved by the Bell tell-all, appropriately titled Behind the Bell. Screech promises "sexual escapades among cast members, drug use, and hardcore partying." We'll be the first to admit it: We're going to purchase this book the day it's released.
We love watching Chelsea Handler conduct interviews because she always asks the questions that are on everyone else's minds and other reporters are afraid to ask. She invited Madonna's "short and paunchy" brother, Chris Ciccone, onto her show last night and immediately started the interview by asking, "Why did you throw your sister under a bus?" He proceeds to be as annoying as ever, but we actually sat through the entire segment, which is more than we can say about his stint on Good Morning America.
LOWERING THE BAR "Tori Spelling is writing a book tentatively titled Mommywood, a followup to her best-selling memoir sTori Telling. … Mommywood will focus on her life as mom to one-year-old son Liam and newborn daughter Stella with husband Dean McDermott."
Chris Ciccone wrapped up his two-part interview today on Good Morning America with a smile on his face and a new batch of insults for his sister Madonna. For someone who claims to love his sibling, he sure has an interesting way of showing it. And as for hope that the two will reconcile, Chris says that depends on whether Guy Ritchie cleans up his act. Because this rift between Chris and Madonna has nothing to do with this stupid tell-all book that he admits is all about the money.
Famous LA intersection namesake and increasingly bad interviewer Larry King, 74, has revealed that he's misguidedly titling his new memoirs What Am I Doing Here? The hunched CNN staple said he also considered Did I Order Soup?, Where Are You Taking Me? and C'mere and Smell This, Wouldja?
This here’s the cover art for Christopher Ciccone’s tell-all, Life With My Sister Madonna. And, not surprisingly, the picture looks like a hatchet job.
At my 'Harlem To Hollywood' party [the Walk of Fame bash], the guests … played croquet on the lawn.
…
I liked the idea of croquet because it's a very Gatsby-type activity and I take pride in being a Gatsby figure.
Oh, you take pride in being a sad bastard who longs for real love and surrounds himself with drunk leeches who won't even come to his funeral when he's dead? We figured as much, but thanks for finally confirming our assumptions.
Next month, Chris Ciccone, the charming gent at left and the younger sibling of former American Madonna, will be releasing a "graphic and devastating" tell-all about his astronomically more accomplished sister. What a dick! But rumors say Madge started it by ditching the gay Ciccone for Guy Ritchie, who, according to Rupert Everett, is "uncomfortable around queens." (Apparently not the "Queen of Pop" kind of queens.)
About what Christopher's book could reveal, one worried Madonna confidante said: "He was there through the crazy years and has many stories to tell, I'm sure. He's seen it all. Oh, my."
If we find out Madonna engaged in premarital sex and recreational drug use, she's dead to us.
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