• Ha! The balls are the legs! He's walking with the balls! Jeez, why isn't Amy Sedaris more famous? (By the way, totally NSFW) [Queerty]
• "Christina Aguilera or Transvestite?" [CityRag]
• Mariah Carey demands bodyguards stand watch at bathrooms she uses. Gather from that what you may. [Yeeeah]
• Madge's adopted baby isn't hers again. [ICYDK]
• Mischa Barton now lives in Paris, where there's cheese and butter in everything. Take that, all you mean dipshits saying her legs and butt are "gross." [INO]
• So, that little kid on American Idol is unstoppable, huh? [PS]
• Paris is in London being a real Antwerp. (YES!) [DListed]
QUITE THE CASANOVA "Jesse Metcalfe reportedly paid for his Playboy Playmate ex-girlfriend's boob job when they were dating. The former Desperate Housewives star … is said to have been so desperate for curvy Colleen Shannon to increase her breast size that he paid for the operation."
Trista and Ryan Sutter met, "fell in love" and got engaged on a TV show, so you just know they're fake fucking idiots. But, according to a recent interview, Ryan's a gross, misogynistic bastard, also.
"Even when you're about to breastfeed, we get turned on because we're guys and we just see boobs," he told parenting Web site MomLogic.com. Ryan also said he fakes not knowing his 8-month-old son has messed himself so that his wife can "discover it." Keep in mind that this fuggin' guy beat out thousands of others to win Trista's heart.
Oh, and ladies, not all of us get turned on by breastfeeding.
You had to know this was inevitable: The Diablo Cody n00dz have arrived, and they include pierced nipples, acrylic nails and multicolored dreadlocks! Because the Internets like to humiliate people who are doing well for themselves.
When will art directors realize that overtly concealing nipples doesn't make for a purer public, just one wondering more than ever what color Heidi Klum's areolas are?
[Source]
• Here's Amnesia Sparkles – the drag queen responsible for making Cord "Cordless" – explaining how this Sunday's Oscars will be like sex with a black man. As you might guess, it's NSFW. [Queerty]
• Idle Americans are prepared to again fawn over American Idols, many of whom will soon become idle Americans once again. [DListed]
• That's not the breast place for a tattoo, Christina. [HT]
• A silvery Rihanna awaits your approval here. [INO]
• "I'm the Hillary Clinton of the Oscars." [ICYDK]
• Go organic! It'll make you feel like a new person filled with alien spirits! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! [CityRag]
• Hey! More and more people are discovering that we have too many goddamn golf courses in this country. Cacti of the American Southwest, we've made the first step. [NYT]
THE WEIGHT OF LINDSAY LOHAN'S BREASTS "…New York magazine's nude shoot with Lindsay Lohan generated so much web traffic, it crashed the website. But how much traffic is that, really? For starters, more than 20 million page views on both Monday and Tuesday, a 2,000 percent increase over the same time last year…The print magazine is also getting a boost from all the excitement. A spokeswoman says New York has sold 500 more subscriptions this week than in an average week."
In her most recent interview with giddy talk show maven Ellen DeGeneres, singer-cum-infant pimper Christina Aguilera talks about the bigness of her breasts, the bigness of her dog, the bigness of her home's backyard and the bigness of her new DVD. It's ironic considering the compass of her interests is obviously so very small.
Legendary photographer Bert Stern, perhaps most famous for shooting a soon-to-be-dead Marilyn Monroe in 1962 for a collection he titled The Last Sitting, has called on Lindsay Lohan to recreate his depressing but iconic masterwork. The outcome is nothing special and the comparison is flimsy, BUT: Lohan shows her boobs!
After the jump, some NSFW excerpts.
CONTINUED »
DOLLY'S BIG PROBLEMS Country star, literacy charity founder and all around amazing person Dolly Parton has been forced to postpone her US tour due to an aching back. Apparently not one to sulk, the famously busty singer spoke cheerily when discussing her condition: "I know I have been breaking my neck and bending over backwards trying to get my new 'Backwoods Barbie' CD and world tour together, but I didn't mean to hurt myself doing it!…But hey, you try wagging these puppies around a while and see if you don't have back problems." WE LOVE HER!
• "…Hilton has been sexually involved with Lindsay Lohan, Kimberly Stewart, Britney Spears and of course Nicole Lenz." [Queerty]
• Rock of Love 2 is now infecting the airwaves. [DListed]
• Britney Spears is finding it difficult to respect the guidelines given her by a court of law. [PS]
• Here is a purse that resembles breasts! Perfect for the woman who is crazy. [HT]
• Flared jeans are once again in fashion, and yet they're still not cool. [INO]
• Christina Aguilera has released footage of her wedding to fans. Watch it if you're obsessive. [ICYDK]
• Drew Barrymore et al were involved in a bar fight. Do tell! [Yeeeah]
• "WTF is up with Bruno from Dance War's way too tight pants…?" Couldn't tell you, we don't go anywhere labeled Dance Wars. [CityRag]
Heidi Montag, after finally finding her way into the sweaty embrace of Maxim, opened up about her semi-charmed kind of life for the magazine's February issue. Naïve is much too light a term…
CONTINUED »
Marc Jacobs held his annual holiday costume party last evening. It had an Arab theme and, if the host was this ethnically sensitive, imagine how the guests behaved. Hint: So many fake breasts in New York! (It fills us with such a distinct pride to know that not even the demure dress codes currently gripping the war-torn Middle East can keep American women from showing their boobs.)
Prepare yourself for the mysterious, slightly NSFW Oriental delights that beckon you from beyond the jump.
After coping with failures in music, reality television and film, Jessica Simpson is ready to take a step toward Hollywood legitimacy: An updated movie career in which she reconsiders not exposing her breasts.
A source said, "Jessica is in the running for a role that, if she gets it, will put her right on the map in terms of acting. The only hitch is that the script requires a number of quite graphic scenes including a full-frontal nude scene. Jessica is so desperate to land the role and get the industry's respect that she's ready to go against her better judgement, and her family, by agreeing to bare all."
Getting naked always earns people's respect. That's the best lesson high school football teams teach girls.
Forced just a tad higher, they'd choke her out, sparing the other partygoers a whole lot of bullshit.
• Whose love child is this? [INO]
• Wanna put your boobs into an unsexy, awkward position? Of course you do. [DListed]
• Who would have guessed Alyssa Milano in the shower could be so boring? [HT]
• Ditch the scooter, ditch that goddamn hat and let's start behaving like grown-ups, kay? [ICYDK]
• How was Ashlee Simpson like an old pug? [Yeeeah]
• The creepy Diane Arbus twins have grown into the average-looking, big-haired twins. Shoulda stayed creepy. [CityRag]
• Who writes a fake Craigslist post? [Jossip]
• Our bigoted, jock, dickhead, violent, hyper-religious, intolerant, stupid, unread, political leaders shame us yet again! USA! USA! USA! [Queerty]
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