America is slowly overdosing on Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps, but it warms our heart to see he's actually doing some good with his popularity, besides just spending his free time rolling around in money and ruining upcoming episodes of SNL.
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GOOD RIDDANCE "Teri Hatcher's uncle — whom she helped put in prison for molesting her, as well as two young girls — has died. Richard Hayes Stone, 70 — who had been serving a 14-year sentence at Chuckawalla Valley State Prison in Blythe, Calif. — passed away of colon cancer on Tuesday."
We squealed a little when we first saw that the next Bachelor will be Jason Mesnick, the lovable 32-year-old single dad from Seattle who was rejected by whiny Bachelorette DeAnna Pappas last season. Jason was always adorable, but the one who really stole the show was his 3-year-old son, Ty. Which worries us, because the last thing Ty needs is to see his father on national television week after week, only to meet the finalists who will eventually be given the boot a few months after the show ends. If you want to try to find love on a reality show that has proven to be unsuccessful in the marriage department, be our guest — but the fact that a child is involved makes us feel a little uneasy.
The good news is this now frees up Jeremy and Graham for our very own Mollygood bachelor competition.
We're not usually the type to agree with the boomers who rant about how our youth are being polluted by a society that abuses sex in pop culture, but when seven-year-olds are behaving exactly like people do in the worst of rap videos, we have to admit that perhaps there's something to that argument.
Don't watch the video above if you don't want to begin your day with something awfully depressing.
Suri Cruise confuses us because one moment she is in the running for Most Adorable Celebrity Baby of All Time and the next she's scaring the living daylights out of us. Here she is enjoying a day out in NYC's West Village with Katie doing all the things most children enjoy — dancing, talking to inanimate objects and avoiding the paparazzi.
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This has caught me quite a bit of flack from my friends, but I thoroughly enjoy watching Dateline's To Catch a Predator. There, I said it. Sure, the show crosses the line occasionally, and there's nothing funny about sexual predators, but something about the show just makes me laugh hysterically at times. Thanks to my recent discovery of the top 10 best moments from the show, I have reconnected with my favorite predator, SpecialGuy29, who "just came to get something to eat" — at the same McDonald's where he arranged a meeting with a 13-year-old. Oh, boy.
Someone needs to keep an eye on Jennifer Aniston, because rumor has it John Mayer dumped her and, if the media is to be believed, she is going to have a nervous breakdown due to the grief. Or something.
John took the decision to end things as he felt he just wasn't ready for the level of commitment that Jennifer deserved. Contrary to reports, Jen didn't want to have kids or marry this year, but she did want to set a timetable for their future together. She also wanted him to assure her he would cut down his tours in the future when they did eventually have children.
But don't feel too sorry for Jen: Reports are stating she has already moved on with a new boyfriend. Sounds like someone's been getting lessons from Kate Hudson.
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After weeks (months, actually) of reporting on the John Edwards mistress scandal, the National Enquirer has finally printed the “spy photo” of the former senator holding his alleged love child Frances Quinn Hunter, daughter of Rielle Hunter.
This is, of course, damning proof that the Edwards scandal is real! Or at least it should be.
OK, here's something that needs to end: complaining about Lourdes Ciccone Leon's hairy face. Not only is she a prepubescent girl (11) who shouldn't be worrying about looking pretty, it's important to remember that it's not a bad thing to have physical eccentricities. In fact, one of history's most famous and accomplished artists, Frida Kahlo, kept a unibrow very similar to Lourdes' her entire life, letting her tremendous work – not her grooming – prove her merit.
When is everyone going to realize that human oddity shouldn't be mocked or pitied, but celebrated? I hope to whatever gods are out there that this little girl not only knows she looks weird, but also revels in that fact; because that would mean she's already stronger than most people twice her age, especially the ones who think they're doing her a favor by imploring her to pluck her eyebrows like a "normal" person.
On last night's So You Think You Can Dance, we were treated to Lil Demon, an adorable 6-year-old breakdancer who seemed to be missing the famewhore gene, as evidenced by his shy demeanor. But that's OK: With a few more shows under your belt, Lil Demon (or can we just call you Lil?), you'll be your family's main cash cow in no time.
The greatest Internet-related threat to our children is not sexual predators — it's YouTube. There's just so many things wrong with this clip, which features an 11-year-old belting out Mariah Carey's "Touch My Body," that we don't even know where to begin. The kid's also got an official MySpace page, which confirms our suspicions that the parents either aren't paying any attention to him at all or they're banking on him to become the family cash cow.
Either way, it's disturbing.
Wow! Is Nickelodeon finally returning to its glory days and giving adults a reason to watch TV with their kids? This hasn't happened since The Adventures of Pete & Pete went away*.
The minds behind the subversive 1999–2000 cult TV favorite Strangers With Candy are reuniting this fall on… Nickelodeon?! Amy Sedaris will play a screwy principal who gets moony-eyed over a competitive gymnast–turned–PE teacher (Christopher Meloni) in Gym Teacher: The Movie, airing Sept. 12. Strangers co-creator Paul Dinello not only directed the comedy but specifically requested that his longtime collaborator “pack up her wig” and join the movie, which features Meloni as a redemption-seeking athlete who’s up for Gym Teacher of the Year.
It's times like these we seriously consider getting cable. But then we remember that everything ends up stolen and on the Internet sooner or later.
*Look, Ren & Stimpy was OK, but it was too inconsistent to be considered on par with Pete & Pete, which offered the perfect amount of oddball silliness each and every episode.
Oui! Oui! Oui! Whereas we deep-fried Americans are inclined to lounge behind computers and blog angrily ("I'ma break this fuckin' MacBook, y'all!!!1!) when news about Angelina Jolie and her ubiquitous brood overtakes all the other headlines, those fabulous Frenchman take to the fucking rues and let the world know they're pissed:
Protestors began picketing outside of the Fondation Lenval hospital this week, where the [Jolie-Pitt] twins were born on Saturday.
… Nice residents are upset the mayor has failed to address the case of a local murder victim in lieu of celebrating the American movie stars and their new additions.
Following the birth, Mayor Christian Estrosi showed off the children's birth certificates on the steps of the hospital, describing the birth of Knox Leon and Vivienne Marcheline as "a pride to Nice and all its citizens."
Vive la France!
What to do when another "Hollywood's Best Dressed Ladies" piece would just be redundant and annoying? If you're OK!, you keep the general idea, but make it even more scummy and predatory, thus yielding "Hollywood's Best Dressed Little Girls." Because a person's never too young to be taught that cool clothes are important.
I performed at a bar mitzvah. And I'm telling you, man, these little motherfuckers, they were singing my shit, they was cussin', they were singing the dirty version. I'm talking about twelve- and thirteen-year-old little white kids singin' this real gangsta shit. Man. I was shocked. I just gave them the mic and let them motherfuckers go.
I hate to pick on Bindi Irwin, who will turn 10 years old next Thursday, but it's hard not to be slightly annoyed by the late Crocodile Hunter's daughter. Sure, she's just 9, but so is my little sister, and she doesn't spew out quotes like this:
[My 4-year-old brother] Robert has a great approach to life. He lives one day at a time and doesn't worry about what will happen in the future. He just likes to play with his chickens and revels in the moment which is happening … which is a good way to be. People are always worrying about what might happen tomorrow when it's what happens today that counts.
Wow, a 4-year-old who doesn't have a care in the world? Someone get this Robert kid a book deal so he can share the secrets of his happiness. But in all seriousness, I find it sad that this child has been trained by her mother to sound like a 40-year-old woman in interviews. Just let the kid be a kid.
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SESAME STREET FIGHTS TO STAY COMPETITIVE "Nearly 40 years ago 'Sesame Street' forged a new path in educational television for preschoolers. But in recent years, as even very young children have migrated online, the show’s Web efforts have lagged far behind those of commercial competitors like the Walt Disney Company and Viacom’s Nickelodeon. The show’s nonprofit parent, Sesame Workshop, hopes to change that on Aug. 11, when the new Web site sesamestreet.org goes live. Developed over two years at a cost of $14 million, the site is making its debut the same day as Season 39 of 'Sesame Street,' seen weekdays on PBS."
For our lone reader who watches the Bachelorette with me, who do you think DeAnna will pick to forever (or for a few months) deal with her incessant whining and me-me-me attitude? I have personally been rooting for Jason (and his adorable son Ty) since the beginning, for reasons that can only be captured in the clip above. My issue is that I would never wish DeAnna on my own worst enemy, so I can't be truly on board with a DeAnna-Jason engagement — but how crushed do you think Ty is going to be if he finds out the "pretty lady" didn't choose his daddy?
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