Today is a sad day for America in that Chris Crocker is deleting his YouTube account but will remain on the Internet on his own new Web site. But before leaving, he has some choice words for YouTube, complete with finger snaps and head wiggles. He says his new Web site is way better because “I’m going to be able to finally let my tranny-ass hair down.” Amen, sister. YouTube replied, “Good riddance.”
Chris Crocker took to the streets of LA yesterday to wish everyone a Happy Mother’s Day. Unfortunately for the rest of us, we may never know what could have been had Chris actually had a mother.
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What lovely creature has a heartfelt message for Perez Hilton? CONTINUED »
You know it’s going to be a great day when you wake up and are greeted by a whole new slew of Chris Crocker pictures.
Enjoy.
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Chris Crocker transcends fashion rules as he spends his Thursday afternoon shopping along Robertson Boulevard.
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Chris Crocker has developed quite an ego these days. The lone Britney fan reportedly posted a MySpace bulletin lashing out at Oh No They Didn’t’s lack of Crocker coverage, calling it discrimination: “I guess being legitimate doesn’t count for much on gossip blogs,” he says, pointing out that being legitimate means he appeared in cartoon form on the latest episode of South Park.
National nightmare Chris Crocker was invited to walk the red carpet at Socialvibe.com’s Green Party, held last night at Les Deux in Hollywood. Naturally, he capitalized on this opportunity by dressing up as a slutty Big Bird. Are we sure he’s not one big joke for Pop Fiction?
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Today’s the big day, y’all: Britney Spears guest stars on tonight’s episode of How I Met Your Mother. Prepare for tomorrow’s declarations of “She’s Back!” and Chris Crocker’s inevitable YouTube video campaigning for Brit’s Emmy.
Here’s a preview of some of tonight’s scenes. Judge for yourself.
Chris Crocker is kind of growing on us. Like a fungus. But that doesn’t mean we need to see close-up crotch shots. Seriously, we just ate.
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We remember the first time we laid eyes on Chris Crocker: He was screaming about Britney in a YouTube video, and we were frightened. And we mean really frightened, like we would have nightmares about him standing over our bed, watching us sleep. The guy just scares us. But in the course of a few months, we have grown numb to his ghastly appearance, and we were even able to look at these pictures for a solid 10 seconds. Baby steps.
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Overtly scary Britney Spears fan Chris Crocker claims the people at YouTube are trying to shut him down. He says that a video he posted to the site in which he complains about the dimly lit Internet and its homophobic citizenry has prompted YouTube deciders to take unfair action against his oh-so-popular clips. “YouTube doesn’t support me!” he says defiantly before issuing a bold call to action: “I’m asking all of you, please, in the name of freedom, subscribe to my YouTube channel.” In the name of freedom, people.
A mousy spokeswoman for the embroiled Spears family appeared on The Today Show this morning to discuss the family’s bitter battle with Texas quack Dr Phil.
Rookie anchor Meredith Viera lobbed softballs like this: “What is wrong with Dr Phil’s statement [that Britney Spears needs medical attention]?” To which the spokeswoman opined, “What’s wrong with Dr Phil’s statement is that he made a statement.” Burn! Using a less cutesy turn of phrase, the woman added that, by speaking to the press about Britney’s condition, Phil was “violating a family trust.” And Lord knows the Spears’ been violated enough!
Our suggestion to the Spears clan: Get that psychopath Chris Crocker on the case. Dr Phil will have bleach in his eyes before you can scream, “LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE!!!!!!!”
An excerpt from the Observer’s Chris Crocker interview:
If you could bring a celeb back from the dead, who would it be, and why?
I would bring back John Holmes so that he could fuck me. That dick was too pretty.
John Holmes died of AIDS!
Also: Crocker’s mother had him when she was 14, he has an eighth grade education and he believes 9/11 was an “inside job.”
The results are in, and according to Mollygood’s intense sociological polling, the majority of you would rather have people believe you support your child’s Nazism (Adolf Hitler, 239 votes) than have people believe you support their interest in Perez Hilton (232 votes), Chris Crocker (28 votes) or Michael Vick (72 votes).
Among the most interesting write-in votes:
• perez hilton
• anything but whats listed above
• pete wentz’s broken ugly foot
• jason alexander
• stupid-ass cord jefferson
• Pumpkin
Remember when we said making Chris Crocker a star would be a great “disservice to his retarded development, allowing him to profit from his absurdity while continuing to avoid reality“? Yeah, well, after the jump, troubling, depressing and completely NSFW proof that we were right.
Is your child slightly chubby and sexually ambiguous? Then Elle Girl has a wonderful idea for a Halloween costume! And if this one would make you think twice before sending your kid out the door, take a look at their other bright recommendations.
The author of the above is right about one thing: If one is not a rabid homophobe, based on this video, there is little reason to loathe Chris Crocker. But rest assured, he’s terrible, and here’s why…
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If you’ve already tired of the antics of self-aggrandizing half-wit Chris Crocker, add this weekend’s performance of “Gimme More” at a Detroit nightclub to your “Reasons He Sucks” list. If you don’t yet despise him, how ’bout now?
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