Rehab poster child Lindsay Lohan, who was recently accused of stealing an $11,000 mink coat, is in more trouble after former roommate Lauren Hastings accused her of stealing thousands of dollars worth of items from her closet.

‘Basically, I have two closets, a lot of the stuff was missing out of one and the next closet was almost completely empty,’ Hastings says, claiming her things disappeared during an unauthorized late-night party tossed by her housesitter.

Citing five witnesses, Hastings, 23, also alleges, ‘They all said they saw Lindsay Lohan basically in my closet, handing a bag of clothes to her bodyguard. … I contacted Lindsay and said, “Look, I know you stole my clothes.” She then said I was completely delusional, I was pathetic.’

Naturally, Lohan’s rep issued a statement saying that Hastings’ story is not at all true, and “it’s not what it seems.” Which … makes absolutely no sense. Is there any other reason Lohan would be emptying out her roommate’s closet, only to have the items go missing forever?

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The woman whom fugitive director Roman Polanski raped more than 30 years ago appeared Tuesday at the premiere of a documentary about the notorious attack. Samantha Geimer, who was just 13 when Polanski sexually assaulted her in Jack Nicholson’s Hollywood home, told Fox News that, were she able to say one thing to Polanski, she would tell him, “I’ll bet you wish you never met me.”

After being convicted of statutory rape, Polanski, who was then 44, fled to Europe to avoid jail time. He’s since not set foot in America and won an Oscar.

Masha Markova, that little idiot careless enough to not only own an $11,000 mink coat, but also throw said coat into a “common bin” at a club where it was then stolen by Lindsay Lohan, has regained her fur. Upon its return, the 22-year-old Markova said the coat “reeked of cigarettes and booze.”

Markova and her attorney are now demanding a $10,000 “rental fee” from Lohan the thief, daughter to one of Long Island’s best mothers.

• Here’s Lindsay Lohan’s new track, Bossy. Check it out before it’s yanked off YouTube, then be all, “‘Bossy’? More like sucky!” You genius, you. [INO]

• A Tyra Banks television show has prompted yet another act of violence. Nope, not kidding. [DListed]

• Lots of famous people drank tequila yesterday to celebrate the Mexicans beating the French 150 years ago. Very cultured, obvs. [PS]

• “There’s nothing cool about getting arrested for stupid stuff at my age.” -Shia LaBeouf, who will be totally cool when he’s arrested for stupid stuff at age 40. [ICYDK]

• Who keeps giving Paris Hilton all these dogs, and why? Doesn’t everyone know she kills them by starving them to death? [CityRag]

Musician Pete Doherty emerged from prison this morning draped in rosaries. The world is once more his drug den.

Uma Thurman’s stalker, Jack Jordan, was convicted this morning of wanting to be more than friends with the Kill Bill actress. The New York Times wants you to know Jordan graduated from the University of Chicago with a degree in literature, presumably because it thinks you should be shocked that a college graduate is soooooooo crazy.

Jordan could be sentenced to as much as a year and 90 days in prison, where he’ll have plenty of free time to plot his revenge.

R Kelly, the reprehensible genius behind the Trapped in the Closet series and a plethora of songs about having sex with things, is facing mounting evidence in his child pornography trial, which will begin jury selection later this week.

The singer is facing a host of charges stemming from a video said to portray him having sex with and urinating on a 13-year-old girl. Though the alleged victim of Kelly’s abuse — now 23 — has for years denied a sexual relationship with Kelly, a new female witness for the prosecution will reportedly admit to having a threesome with Kelly and the underage girl.

In the past, three other women have filed civil suits against Kelly in which they claimed to have had sex with him before they were 17, and a fourth was paid a settlement to not sue. In 1994, a 27-year-old Kelly illegally married the now late Aaliyah, who was then then 15, by falsifying the marriage license and claiming she was 18 years old.

Apparently, even in Africa, rap shows are powder kegs constantly on the verge of mass hysteria.

Watch this video to see a man with giant balls jump onstage at a 50 Cent concert in Angola, Africa, snatch Fiddy’s iced-out chain and then make a break for it. And then watch as all hell breaks loose and thousands of hip hop fans give Bill O’Reilly et al more fuel for their anti-rap fire.

The robbery begins at about 1′35″ in. Enjoy.

OH, GREAT “A Los Angeles judge has dismissed a sexual battery charge against ‘Girls Gone Wild’ founder Joe Francis because prosecutors said they were unable to contact his accuser. The judge dismissed the misdemeanor count Thursday after city prosecutors said they were unable to proceed because they had not seen or heard from the 18-year-old woman or an alleged witness. Francis was accused of groping the woman’s breasts and buttocks at a birthday party in Hollywood last year.”

Ashley Alexandra Dupré, aka Ashley Youmans, the ambitious young escort who became an instant celebrity after getting caught servicing ex-governor Eliot Spitzer, is being offered $1 million to drop a $10 million lawsuit she’s brought against Girls Gone Wild. Dupré is suing the bastards for allegedly plying her with alcohol, “tricking” her into getting naked on camera and then — without her consent — using that footage in a video.

Joe Francis, head asshole at Girls Gone Wild, says Dupré has “zero chance” of winning the lawsuit, as he has “videotape of her giving consent, while showing her identification.” Francis recommends Dupré take the million and walk: “She should keep in mind, it’s considerably more than the Governor of New York paid her, and our activities aren’t illegal,” he told the New York Daily News. Oh, man, we hate that guy.

More than ever before, we are hoping and wishing for a hell in which guys like Joe Francis get the shit beaten from them hour after hour by Amazonian superbitches with real boobs and big fists.

At right is Latarian Milton, a seven-year-old boy from South Florida who was in hot water recently after stealing his grandmother’s Dodge Durango and joyriding around town with a friend of his, also seven. Milton drove through a Costco parking lot and up and down some main roads before crashing into a sign on the sign of the road, in the process running over a couple mailboxes and hitting several parked and moving cars. Nobody was hurt and Milton is now the talk of his small town.

When a local newsman asked Milton why he took the car, our new hero proclaimed, “I wanted to do it because it’s fun—it’s fun to do bad things … I wanted to do hoodrat stuff with my friend.”

After hearing about the $10,000 bassinets and cashmere onesies lavished onto JLo and Posh Spice’s velvet-bottomed brats, it’s nice to know there’s still some real badass kids in the world evening things out.

Video after the jump.

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SEE YA; WOULDN’T WANNA BE YA Breaking: Wesley Snipes Sentenced to 3 Years in Prison for Tax Evasion

Good, violent sport that she is, Naomi Campbell stopped yesterday to speak with two officers in Heathrow airport who had arrested her weeks prior and who she had called “fucking white honkeys.” After chatting nicely with the bobbies for a couple minutes and presumably apologizing, Campbell devoured their heads and rushed off to catch her flight.

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FRIENDS IN LOWE PLACES “Two current employees of Rob Lowe have placed themselves firmly in the Lowes’ corner, claiming they never witnessed any of the inappropriate behavior alleged by the family’s former nanny [Jessica Gibson]. Carol Andrade, the Lowes’ estate manager, says she lives in a guest house on their property and never witnessed anything untoward — either directed at her or any member of the staff she supervises. She also says Gibson never complained once about any wrongdoing. Jennifer Dynof, president of Lowe Profile (a company owned by Rob Lowe), says he’s worked with Lowe for four years and she too has never witnessed any inappropriate behavior by either Sheryl or Rob.”

ROYAL SEX TAPE? “Two blackmailers demanded £50,000 from a member of the Royal Family for tapes claiming he performed a gay sex act on an aide, it was claimed yesterday. The tapes also featured claims the alleged victim - who cannot be named - was guilty of dodgy business dealings and complained of another royal exposing himself to him, the Old Bailey heard.”

It’s about time! Megalomaniacal therapist Dr Phil could soon be losing his popular television show after he paid $30,000 to bail out one of the teen girls arrested for the brutal beating of a classmate in Florida. According to a statement issued by the Dr Phil show, it was in violation of its own rules when it paid the the girl’s bail and will no longer proceed with the program it was doing on her, but MSNBC sources believe this could be the end for the straight-shootin’ Texan who rarely offers more than common sense.

Rumors about Oprah Winfrey’s Harpo productions cutting ties with Dr. Phil have been circulating for months, but even if Harpo did pull out, it’s still CBS TV Distribution that does the day-to-day production of the show.

Credibility concerns seem to be front and center at the moment. “People don’t trust him like they used to,” another source revealed.

People used to trust him?

Jessica Gibson, the nanny Rob Lowe is accusing of extortion, returned fire on the Today show this morning, claiming that Lowe sexually harassed her. She won’t get into specifics, which is unsatisfying but understandable.

Most of the talking was done by Gibson’s lawyer, Gloria Allred, who kept her hand in Gibson’s lap throughout most of the interview, leading us to believe that Lowe must have touched the nanny very, very, very inappropriately to warrant a lawsuit.

Video after the jump.

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These days it seems like the insane lengths to which people go to make reality television are more interesting and dramatic than the shows themselves. Last week, a British production crew gave the flu to an unspoiled Amazonian tribe, and now, an American is caught behaving insanely illegally (and immorally) in the name of TV:

Police charged an aspiring reality show director with blocking four women _ half of a cast billed as ordinary girls hoping to become “princesses” _ from leaving the central Florida house where the show was being shot.

Marc Brilleman, 33, identified as the chief operating officer, director and writer of “Pauper to Princess,” was arrested Saturday on a charge of false imprisonment.

According to the show’s Web site, its concept was to build the eight women’s self-esteem and help them grow physically, mentally and spiritually.

Four of the women told investigators Brilleman blocked and locked a door when they tried to leave the house, where they had been since February and had been able to leave on weekends …