The annual Maxim "Hot 100" was released in full today, further imbruing the cultural landscape with rampant mediocrity and offensive thoughtlessness. At number one is a blond woman with disproportionately large breasts. Number two? That's right: a blond woman with disproportionately large breasts. The list also includes Britney Spears, who Maxim attests "oozes genuine sexiness."

Here, we again attempt to combat lad mag idiocy with our own list of beautiful and sexy women. Click through for a Simpson sister-free zone. And, of course, feel free to suggest additions or complain.

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Ever wonder what the heck happened to Jonathan from Who's the Boss or Ben from Growing Pains? Me neither! But occasionally, on particularly wistful—often warm—evenings, I do find myself with a glass of Cabernet and an aching desire to know whatever became of Winnie Cooper; that brunette harlot that left me broken hearted by proxy every time she tangled Kevin Arnold up in yet another cotton candy web of young love.

Turns out Winnie's now a mathematician. It also turns out that the quickest way to stop giving a damn about kissing someone is to face the reality that they're not a sun-kissed camp counselor, but rather a number-cruncher with a theorem named after them. Damn. I guess we'll always have Nurse Hasenfuss.

Check under the cut for more of your favorite crushes all grown up (yes, even Jonathan and Ben).

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