Because today is slower than a snail going backwards (cute!), we're going to continue our love affair with David Lynch. He's always NSFW, and he's always right fucking on!

We really love his loyalty to the grand tradition of cinema and we agree that many, many people need to "get real" about practically everything, but what if they're just, like, on the subway watching The Bourne Identity? That's OK, right?

Relax, David, we don't think anyone is staring at their cell phone and trying to wrap their brain around Inland Empire. And if they are, they deserve the headache.

David Lynch's new Gucci commercial doesn't at all make me want to buy perfume. Instead, it gives me the urge to do serpentine rails of cocaine off Picassos with lithe, blue-blooded bitches who won't introduce me to their parents. And as bad as that sounds, for some reason, I can't stop watching it.