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• Kirsten Dunst quits “stroking” Fab Moretti, starts stroking Razorlight’s Johnny Borrell.

• Paris Hilton and Jenna Jameson join
forces
to create a new, super-powerful STD.

• We’re not falling for Melinda Doolittle’s humble big-headed dwarf act…anymore!

The Onion challenges AMNY to a competitive eating duel!

• Slate takes a gamble, launches political futures market. We’re betting it’ll be a huge success!

• Legal experts cleverly find a way to make the Viacom/YouTube lawsuit even more boring.

• Dita Von Teese with no makeup on is actually, surprisingly, pretty.

• Anna Nicole Smith judge Lawrence Korda gets busted for smoking the reefer. Police apparently didn’t believe his plea that he was “just trying to get a better understanding of the victim.”

• Jessica Biel replaces boyfriend Derek Jeter with a battery-operated pair underpants; Cameron Diaz jumps for joy.

• Bjork and Timbaland to make loud, strange music together:

• Playing video games makes you less fat and lazy? Consider our gym membership canceled!!

• Marilyn Manson proves he’s an “even bigger freakshow’ than previously imagined by fighting to deny ex Dita Von Deese a single cent of his giant, Goth empire.

The Departed to be banned in China for including a minor plot line regarding a Chinese crime ring.

• When she’s not busy jabbering on about her annoying, yappy dogs, Cindy Adams is reading (and plagiarizing from) Radar.

Last week was, as always, another dizzying frenzy of gossip and media-related news. We gave you our up-to-the-minute take, but we’re far more interested in your reactions. Please continue to send us your comments, and every Monday we’ll recap the burning issues and a sampling of your “colorful” responses in “Hot Topics.”

Issue: The View reportedly hiring Sherri Shepherd to fill Bridezilla’s XXL Size-Zero shoes.
You said: “If she does get hired on, let’s hope she won’t get get gastric bypass, grow into an alien, and marry some gay dude in a tacktastic wedding.”

Issue: Marilyn Manson and Dita Von Teese to divorce, ending their freakishly pale marriage after only 1 year.
You said: “Too bad…I was looking forward to their albino baby pictures.”

Issue: The predictable cancellation of Geraldo Rivera’s boring news show.
You said: “Screw Geraldo, it looks like he has poo on his lip.”

Issue: Despite a recent decline in pornographic sales, “Granny’s Gangbang” flies off the rack.
You said: “Dude, I heard Hauslaib’s grandma is a GILF.”

CONTINUED »

Now this is a pair you probably never thought you’d see: Scarlett Johansson and Dita Von Teese. And the gals are getting rather frisky — in that sensual art noir kind of way.

The shots are for Flaunt — that “avant-garde mag for popular culture” — but their website is more 1980 than Drudge, so we don’t have much info about the articles or basis for the shoot. We guess you could perform the ancient art of picking up the magazine.

If only to preserve in paper form the one time Scarlett Johansson looked tanner than someone. Get the tissues ready … more snaps, after the jump.

CONTINUED »


When we heard Dita Von Teese was resurrecting her burlesque performance at Happy Valley, we popped in for a peek. After all, during her last performance, she brought an oversized martini glass on stage that she did more than sip from. This time around? She rocked out on a carousel horse. Though her striptease was a short-lived gimmick by any standards, it gave us a chance to check in with devoted husband Marilyn Manson.

Since we don’t listen to his music or know much about him beside his real name, we didn’t have too many obvious conversation topics. So we turned to subject matter nearly every American can relate to: TomKat and Brangelina.

What, we asked, was his posiiton on Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie hiding out in Namibia while they await the birth of their spawn? “Well, I’m friends with Brad and Angelina, so I don’t really feel comfortable talking about them.” That’s all well and good, though Kimberly Stewart is friends with Paris Hilton and somehow manages to blab endlessly. So we flipped over to Tom Cruise and Katie Kate Holmes where, once again, Marilyn dodged our questions: “I feel awkward talking about them.” How come?, we wondered. Had Scientologists in aviator shades already gotten to him? Had the Mission: Impossible 3 budget included a stipend to silence fellow celebs? “No,” he answered with a laugh. But perhaps they offered some complimentary MAC foundation.

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