During today's hot topics on The View, Republican puppet Elisabeth Hasselbeck busted out the newest argument in defense of VP candidate Sarah Palin. Evidently some people are pointing out the irony in an abstinence-only supporter also being the mother to an unwed pregnant teenager — but Elisabeth quickly pointed out why that is a non-issue:
People want to get on Sarah Palin in terms of, you know, removing abstinence-only programs or teaching abstinence to kids based on the fact that her own daughter is pregnant at 17. Well, when Al Gore's son was arrested for narcotics and speeding did we say, 'You know what? This is good proof we shouldn't be teaching our kids to say no to drugs and to drive safely.'
That … makes absolutely no sense. We took time to process it, but it's still completely absurd — and further proof Elisabeth is doing the GOP no favors.
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• Elisabeth Hasslebeck comes off looking dumber than ever. [INO]
• Larry King fans have too much time on their hands. [CityRag]
• Why this Sunday will be more blessed than usual. [DListed]
• Christina Aguilera couldn't stay away from that obnoxious red lipstick. [PS]
• Adam Sandler runs errands in the same outfit he wore to his movie premiere, which lets you know how much he cares about You Don't Mess with the Zohan. [ICYDK]
• Miley Cyrus' handlers need to tell her to just stop talking. [Yeeeah]
Elisabeth Hasselbeck proved last night why at least half of America dislikes her: After Fran Drescher made a harmless remark about how Elisabeth started crying during The Great View N-Word Fight of '08, the talk show panelist called into Larry King Live — which her coworker Joy Behar was hosting — to retaliate. Um, Elisabeth? Probably not best to pounce on a woman who barely said anything hurtful about you. It makes you come across as — um, what's the appropriate word? — obnoxious. We'll leave it at that.
Click through for the clip of Elisabeth's hissy fit.
This morning's The View got heated really quickly, but the only one who seemed to be upset about the entire exchange was Elisabeth Hasselbeck, who forced out tears to show how compassionate she is when it comes to the n-word. Whoopi and the rest of the gang rolled their eyes as they attempted to explain the ways of the world for five minutes instead of having an actual conversation about the Jesse Jackson controversy.
I'm feeling honest today, so I'm about to do something therapeutic: I'm coming clean about some things I'm ashamed to admit that I enjoy. As part of my job, I have to be judgmental and critical — but sometimes I just want to confess my undying love for the celebrities and shows the public majority views as repulsive. So here's my list of six things I'm embarrassed to reveal. Admitting my problem is the first step to recovery.
Regis Philbin is kind of like Santa Claus in that he's been around forever and everyone loves him. For some reason, his presence got the ladies of The View all riled up to the point where Joy screamed at Barbara as Whoopi walked off the stage. Can Regis have a seat at the View table every day? It's not like he has 19 other TV shows in the works. CONTINUED »
If we had our way, The View would be an hour of hot topics only involving politics, because the arguments that ensue are the only reason to watch. This morning, Elisabeth became angry that nobody was letting her finish her inane sentences and we were thisclose to having another on-set blowup like the one she had with Rosie last year. Unfortunately, it's hard to stay mad at Whoopi, so crisis averted.
Click through for video. CONTINUED »
Bill Geddie, executive producer of experimental torture device The View, confirmed Wednesday that Michelle Obama, wife of Barack, will be guest hosting an upcoming episode of the show.
Like Cindy McCain did when she guest hosted The View in April, Obama will help interview guests and participate in the impotent rambling of "Hot Topics." Unfortunately, because of the inextricable connection between her behavior and the electability of her husband, Obama will not be able to put that wench Elisabeth Hasselbeck in her place. But that would be awesome.
We’ve tried our damnedest to remove The View from our cultural radar. Enough with Elisabeth Hasselbeck reminding America that she had a baby and loves George Bush. Or Whoopi Goldberg reminding everybody that she can barely stand to be there.
But then producers whipped up this genius segment: In discussing the possibility of booking Dina and Ali Lohan, who want to promote their Living Lohan show, the decision was made that they’d be allowed on the show … only if they were willing to discuss Lindsay.
Here it is: Barack Obama's appearance on The View in which he addresses his church, the war and Brad Pitt. In less than an hour, this man withstood Barbara Walters' attempts at flirting, gained the highly-coveted Sherri Shepherd vote and managed to not punch Elisabeth Hasselbeck in the face. If that's not a presidential candidate worth voting for, we don't know what is.
The rest of his apperance after the jump. CONTINUED »
Behold the best question celebrity interviewer Barbara Walters has ever asked anyone: "But what do you do?" Ha! That tone! The query's recipient, chronic sex object Kim Kardashian, was dumbstruck, but she soon managed this: "We're in fashion." Are we, now?
Elisabeth Hasselbeck is back from maternity leave, and she is fucking pissed! What's got her rankled now? That feminazi tramp Gloria Steinem and her poncey support of Hillary Clinton, that's what.
Drunk off the power bestowed upon her by millions of liberal arts college coeds and The New York Times, Steinem recently shot off at the mouth and said she's glad Mrs Clinton isn't trained to kill like Republican white man and POW John McCain. Hasselbeck, who lives for shit like this, jumped on the comment during The View's "Hot Topics" segment, calling Steinem's words a "despicable mischaracterization" and "evil," the go-to word for crazies not good at arguing. Sad, because for a moment there, Thin Lizzy actually had a valid point.
The really, really irritating warmonger from The View has expelled another child, this one a boy and blandly named Taylor. Lucky for their mother, the war in Iraq will be over by the time Taylor and sister Grace turn 18, so she'll never have to put her children where her votes are.
Thinking Elisabeth Hasselbeck to be an unintelligent windbag should be so easy. Rarely is someone whose opinions are consistently wrong given as much screen time with which to make a mockery of themselves. However, when Rosie O'Donnell, who has noted that she finds it unfair when she is vilified by the general public for being the "big, fat lesbian" who picks on people, decides to then villainize her opponents at apperances, it makes it very difficult to continue to see Hasselbeck as the lunatic.
The enemy of my enemy is my friend, but the antagonistic sniper of my enemy is just a fucking jerk.
PS Saying that you don't want to talk to pregnant people sounds kinda heterophobic.
If you thought Rosie O'Donnell was bad, get a load of Star Parker, a black ex-welfare recipient whom admits to having four abortions and an erstwhile addiction to crack. After becoming a born again Christian (of course), Parker is now former self-loathing; she stands in rigid opposition to welfare, abortion and crack abuse—though that last one is probably for the best.
Try to contain your laughter when Parker claims in the clip above that God's time is so different from ours that maybe the world is only 5,000 years old. Then try to contain your rage when during the clip below you realize that a crackhead whom for years benefited from the graciousness of the US Government and its taxpayers is now completely unwilling to bestow the same kindness on her fellow citizens in their times of need. This lady makes Elisabeth Hasselbeck seem rational and well-read. Is it too late to get Rosie back?
CONTINUED »
Now, I think Elisabeth Hasselbeck is just as intolerable as the next person. She's worse than Rosie only because more of Rosie's stupid shit is couched in fact than Elisabeth's. But as terrible as she may be, coming on to Elisabeth's show and completely ignoring her in front of all her colleagues is something mean high school girls would do to each other if you gave them big girl jobs for the day.
This is exactly why American civic discourse is dying.
Oh shit! Knowing that the time when they'll not have each other to berate draws nigher, today Rosie O'Donnell and Elisabeth Hasselbeck honed in on one another and let loose with a rage never before seen in any of their prior battles. If you can sit through their standard, boring war debate, you'll be rewarded with personal attacks that culminate with one of the ladies dropping the finishing "coward" blow. The bonus is seeing Joy Behar literally screaming for a commercial break.
Yesterday's Someone Haiku winner is So Sue Me…:
fuck sugar and spice
they've too many calories
welcome, wanker queen
Very well done, So Sue Me…
Today is a very special edition of Someone Haiku. In memory of Rosie O'Donnell's announcement that she will be leaving The View let's devote our poetic efforts to her. However, rather than working in haiku, all entries should be in the clipped, abstract style of Ro, herself. Here's an example:
i called oprah
right after columbine
desperate and rambling
thru tears and tequilai will find a like minded one
was the thought
there is no there
in celebrity-ville
Avant-garde, no?
Check out Rosie's blog for some more inspiration, and remember, you can e-mail entries here.
"Hasselbeck" is only three syllables. Good luck!
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