GOOD TIMING “Ewan McGregor had a brush with skin cancer but says he is ‘fine’ now. The Scottish actor, 37, was promoting his latest film, the sex thriller Deception, when he revealed on the BBC that he was forced to have a suspicious-looking facial mole — one of several — removed from just below his right eye.”
Sometimes becoming negligibly better looking makes a person much less cool. If said person is already handsome to begin with, it’s definitely not worth it. Too late now, though.
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Turns out Ewan McGregor’s not satisfied that googling “Ewan McGregor’s penis” only turns up 1,300 results. The Scotsman recently ordered such a large amount of aussieBum’s “Wonderjock” underwear—which claims to “lift and promote” the genitals—that the company was forced to run a credit check on the purchase.
AussieBum founder Sean Asby says, “We found out that Ewan McGregor was buying them only because he made such a huge order and we had to do a credit check.
“The fact these are selling so fast proves size matters to a modern man. The Wonderjocks were originally done as a bit of a joke after someone said to us,’Could you do something that makes me look a bit larger?’”
While I’ll not completely assume that McGregor’s impetus behind this order was to look “bigger” (maybe they’re comfy), I’ll say that, regardless of intentions, it’s probably a wise policy to completely avoid underwear like this. Better to be truthful about your shortcomings from the beginning than to be deceitful, disappointing and embarrassed when the underthings come off—your manhood will be questioned in more ways than one.
Ewan McGregor on a crutch is playing dirty. Because now, not only is he ruggedly handsome, he’s also fragile in a way that makes women’s maternal instincts kick in; and those are so strong they make girls fall for even the biggest junkie losers. Put a bum leg on a successful, talented Scotsmen and nobody else has a chance. It’s basically giving a pill that makes people think you’re cute to people who already think you’re hot.
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