It's a slow holiday, a perfect time to debut our first (and possibly final) installment of Lookalike Showdown.

Does Fred Thompson look more like Dan Aykroyd as Judge Alvin Valkenheiser than Bono does a monkey wearing glasses? You decide.

• I know people say things like this every election year, but – no shit – if Fred Thompson wins the presidency and America's First Lady has breast implants, I'm getting the hell outta here. [Jossip]

• I'm sure David Letterman is upset about his Paris Hilton-free future. Broken hearted, even. [DListed]

• Literally two seconds ago someone in the office told me this girl might be what we in the know call a "beard." I dunno about that, but do with it what you will. [Yeeeah]

• Bam Margera finally speaks up about his relationship with Jessica Simpson, and just as his career is on a decline. Imagine that. [ICYDK]

• Cash back. [INO]

• Why isn't this girl part of the Heidi and LC and Spencer and Sleepy and Shitty and Whitey feud? [HT]

• Brooklyn wins! Enjoy your Manhattan megamall, yuppies! [CityRag]

• Nice call! [BWE]

• Barry Manilow stands up to a small woman! [DListed]

• Prison Break's back on! Tonight they're going to bust out that cokehead who killed the kid! [ICYDK]

• Looking good, Paris! [INO]

• She's finally just sticking to what she knows: Good old fashioned T & A. [HT]

• Judge to soon choose lesser of two evils. [Yeeeah]

• Heels, slut butts and an unspoken misery: Hooker or Lohan? [CityRag]