Miley Cyrus, hellion and Hannah Montana, says she believes her now infamous "My First Cheesecake" photo shoot for Vanity Fair did nothing but make her "even more relateable":

I don’t think people will look at me any differently because they’re like, "You know what, I’m going to do stupid stuff too."

Yes, because what little girl can't relate to being made a sex object by the nation's most revered modern photographer in one of the nation's most widely read magazines. It's this American life!

Ashley Alexandra Dupré, aka Ashley Youmans, the ambitious young escort who became an instant celebrity after getting caught servicing ex-governor Eliot Spitzer, is being offered $1 million to drop a $10 million lawsuit she's brought against Girls Gone Wild. Dupré is suing the bastards for allegedly plying her with alcohol, "tricking" her into getting naked on camera and then — without her consent — using that footage in a video.

Joe Francis, head asshole at Girls Gone Wild, says Dupré has "zero chance" of winning the lawsuit, as he has "videotape of her giving consent, while showing her identification." Francis recommends Dupré take the million and walk: "She should keep in mind, it's considerably more than the Governor of New York paid her, and our activities aren't illegal," he told the New York Daily News. Oh, man, we hate that guy.

More than ever before, we are hoping and wishing for a hell in which guys like Joe Francis get the shit beaten from them hour after hour by Amazonian superbitches with real boobs and big fists.

In this clip of the latest episode of Keeping Up With the Kardashians, watch as the tween girls of this house of horrors work themselves into a navel-flashing frenzy during an innocent game of "Girls Gone Wild." Then, try to focus through your tears as Frankie Delgado – manager of the girls' brother, Brody Jenner – aims a video camera at the young things and declares, "I'm gonna start managing you girls and we're gonna put this on YouTube or something." Holy shit is this inappropriate! Then again, is it ever too early for a Kardashian woman to realize that probably the only way she'll be able to keep a man rapt is by running around, lifting her shirt and screaming, "Whoo!"?

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Joe Francis, upon being vindicated of charges that his company manipulated drunken women into exposing themselves: "This is yet another example of false allegations that I have faced. I am tired of these lies being used against me in an attempt to extort money from me and destroy my name." Because in a world of bared tits and drunken whoring, a man's good name means everything to him.