HILLARY THE NEW CONDOLEEZZA? • "We may soon be calling Hillary Rodham Clinton 'Madame Secretary.' The New York senator and former first lady is being considered for secretary of state by President-elect Barack Obama - an appointment that would go a long way toward healing the wounds left by their bruising Democratic primary battle. Two Obama advisers confirmed Clinton is under serious consideration, according to NBC News' Andrea Mitchell."

The seven-page questionnaire being sent to those seeking high-ranking positions in the Obama administration is being called "considerably more detailed than we had to fill out" by a former Clinton aide and "invasive" by other Washington insiders.

Among the 63 questions – some of which have multiple parts – are queries about gun ownership (of you and your family), Internet aliases, embarrassing experiences at work and embarrassing family members (above).

Thinking of applying? Keep this in mind: your drunk, gun-owning cousin who can't get his shit together is going to be loyal to you far longer than the US government.

SAM JOE THE PLUMBER CONSIDERING RUN FOR HIGH OFFICE He's not even a licensed plumber and he's a tax cheat and a maniac, but Sam Joe "the Plumber" Wurzelbacher said today on Laura Ingraham's radio show that he's considering a run for Congress in 2010. Because what better place for cheating, unqualified liars than the government.

INCOMPETENCE ALREADY AFFECTING ELECTION "Tens of thousands of eligible voters in at least six swing states have been removed from the rolls or have been blocked from registering in ways that appear to violate federal law, according to a review of state records and Social Security data by The New York Times. The actions do not seem to be coordinated by one party or the other, nor do they appear to be the result of election officials intentionally breaking rules, but are apparently the result of mistakes in the handling of the registrations and voter files as the states tried to comply with a 2002 federal law, intended to overhaul the way elections are run."

Defying a federal law that prohibits U.S. clergy from endorsing political candidates from the pulpit, an evangelical Christian minister told his congregation Sunday that voting for Sen. Barack Obama would be evidence of "severe moral schizophrenia."

The Rev. Ron Johnson Jr. told worshipers that the Democratic presidential nominee's positions on abortion and gay partnerships exist "in direct opposition to God's truth…"

Johnson and 32 other pastors across the country set out Sunday to break the rules, hoping to generate a legal battle that will prompt federal courts to throw out a 54-year-old ban on political endorsements by tax-exempt houses of worship.

The ministers contend they have a constitutional right to advise their worshipers how to vote.

The $700 billion federal bailout is in limbo this morning as bipartisan discussions on the matter unraveled yesterday just hours after the press got word that an agreement had been reached. Talks between the Treasury, White House and members of Congress will continue throughout the day today, and mavericky Senator John McCain says he'll only participate in tonight's scheduled presidential debate in Mississippi if he feels that a deal is impending. What a maverick!

Let's take a look at how effective and necessary a presence McCain was at yesterday's bailout meetings:

At the bipartisan White House meeting that Mr. McCain had called for a day earlier, he sat silently for more than 40 minutes, more observer than leader, and then offered only a vague sense of where he stood, said people in the meeting.
…
…there was no evidence that he was playing a major role in the frantic efforts on Capitol Hill to put a deal back together again.

(emphasis ours)

Maverick! (Just so we're all on the same page, "maverick" means "bullshit artist," right?)

This here's University of Tennessee student David Kernell, the 20-year-old go-getter who "hacked" into Sarah Palin's e-mail account by guessing the answers to her Yahoo security questions.

Since the FBI stormed Kernell's apartment last week, in the process breaking up a party he was having, the young man's father, Democratic Tennessee state representative Mike Kernell, has made sure David's lawyered up tight and ready for the impending shitstorm.

Currently, it looks to be unlikely that David will go to jail for his crimes.

Now on to the important stuff: What were Sarah Palin's easily guessed security question answers?

According to a report from the Interior Department's inspector general, the Minerals Management Service, a government entity that collects oil and gas royalties from godless oil prospectors out to drill government land, is awash in cocaine and sexual misconduct.

The inspector described the office as "a culture of ethical failure," and cites instances of employees accepting gifts from oil and gas representatives (paintball outings, Toby Keith tickets*), employees dealing drugs to one another and employees constantly fucking one another. One high-ranking official used to buy coke from his secretary IN HIS OFFICE DURING WORK HOURS and have sex with two of his subordinates. Another higher-up got his yay from a subordinate with whom he also had a sexual relationship. Bush's moral America, ladies and gentlemen!

_{*Republicans, definitely}

The polar bear was today recognized by the Bush administration as a "threatened" species. This means that, under the Endangered Species Act, the majestic, apex predator of the Arctic is just one step away from endangered and two steps away from extinction.

Indeed, scientists are concerned. But the Bush administration doesn't give a fuck about scientists. Nor do they give a fuck about you, your kids or your kid's kids. That's why there's this little addendum:

A threatened listing under the Endangered Species Act (ESA) is supposed to provide broad protection to polar bears. Greenpeace, however, noted an exemption (technically known as a 4d exemption) for global warming pollution contained in the ruling.

"Global warming is the biggest threat facing polar bears and this exemption eliminates any real protection the listing could have provided," the group said. "It specifically says federal agencies don't need to consider the impact of global warming pollution on the polar bear.

"This might look like a listing to protect the polar bear but it's really just a way for the administration to protect the interests of the oil and gas industry, as well as get away without taking action on global warming."

God bless us: "Last Halloween, a costume party at the Dept. of Homeland Security went horribly awry…The issue? The anonymous employee showed up in a prison uniform, dreadlocks and blackface. He then proceeded to win the best costume contest…"