BLACK REPUBLICANS DISSED YET AGAIN “TV One, the cable network aimed at African-American viewers, will cover Barack Obama’s nominating convention but is ignoring John McCain’s. The network is telecasting live, prime-time coverage of the Democratic convention in Denver Aug. 25-28, followed by ‘TV One Live: DNC Afterparty,’ with political and social commentary from panelists. TV One is available in 43.7 million households, or about 40 percent of the nation’s TV homes. … ‘We are not a news organization,’ [the network's CEO] said. ‘We are a television network that is designed to celebrate African-American achievement. That is why we are covering this convention. If Hillary (Clinton) was the nominee, we would not be covering this year’s Democratic convention.’”
If there’s one thing in which Us Weekly shouldn’t be involved, it’s politics. So, naturally, the magazine has decided to judge the candidates based on their fashion — because the state of the country doesn’t matter if Barack Obama and John McCain aren’t looking good.
The target this week is Obama, who had the audacity to bicycle around Chicago in “ill-fitting jeans, a tucked in golf shirt and big tennis shoes.” The horror! Us‘ fashion police weigh in:
Although Hillary’s made some major fashion faux pas in the past (anyone remember a certain wedding dress?), we wouldn’t see her in a pair of pegged acid washed jeans, peddling a bicycle built for two with Bill.
Hilarious. Also, in case you were worried, “The Obama Girl won’t be singing about this!”
Barack Obama has officially secured the Democratic presidential nomination, making him the first black candidate on a major party ticket to run for the highest office in the land.
The next six months will be the most grueling of his life, exposing him to inhuman duplicity he never knew existed, but, today, he’s feeling frisky. Good for him.
JUST KIDDING “Sen. Hillary Clinton’s is ‘absolutely not‘ prepared to concede the race for the Democratic presidential nomination to Sen. Barack Obama, her campaign chairman said.”
FINALLY “Sen. Hillary Clinton will acknowledge Tuesday night that her rival, Sen. Barack Obama, will have enough delegates to capture the Democratic presidential nomination, officials tell The Associated Press.”
As Barack Obama gets closer and closer to locking up the Democratic nomination, the hootin’ and hollerin’ about him being a buh-lack Muzzlin is gaining volume.
The t-shirt at right is for sale in a bar in Cobb County, Georgia; in Indiana, one Obama campaigner was told by a citizen: “Hang that darky from a tree!“; and it is widely accepted that part of the reason Obama was defeated by such a huge margin in yesterday’s West Virgina primary is because of the color of his skin. This from an article about West Virginia Clinton supporters:
“I’m going to write in Hillary on the ballot [if Obama gets the nomination],” Jester said outside the IHOP, crushing her half-smoked cigarette. “I want to see a woman in there before I see a . . . ” She stopped, and her sister finished the sentence with: “a man of color.”
And these are the Democrats!
Bill Clinton went off on an Obama supporter who interrupted a speech he was giving in West Virginia yesterday.
With the support of a cheering crowd, the ex-president shouted down a silvery, batty old woman who attempted to declare that, as First Lady, Hillary Clinton didn’t work for universal health care as hard as she and Bill claim.
Of course, the woman deserved to be silenced, because she doesn’t really know what the hell she’s talking about. Now, had she screamed, “You would have had a better chance at getting everyone in the nation health insurance if it hadn’t been for your shady-ass real estate deals with the McDougals,” then we might have gotten somewhere. Isn’t it funny how the loudest ones are usually the dumbest ones, too?
Barack Obama mopped North Carolina with Hillary Clinton’s ass last night, winning the state’s primary by almost 15 points. Conversely, in Indiana, Senator Clinton beat Senator Obama by just 23,000 bitter, bitter votes.
Clinton is now near broke and facing more pressure than ever to exit the race. And thank heavens, because we are so ready for this whole thing to be over and for King Obie to issue us our white virgins and make casinos practice affirmative action.
Hillary Clinton took to The Late Show with David Letterman last night so she could read the Top Ten list in a last-ditch effort to garner some votes. We thought Obama’s list was funnier, but you can decide for yourself. And then we suggest voting strictly based on who gave a better Top Ten list. It’s the American way.
Emboldened by Tuesday’s primary victory and the bitter, armed and dangerous voters of Pennsylvania, Senator Hillary Clinton is now rattling her saber loud enough for the whole world to hear. Cower, brown people!
Yesterday she focused her words on protecting Israel: “Whatever stage of development [Iran] might be in their nuclear weapons programme in the next 10 years, during which they might foolishly consider launching an attack on Israel, we would be able to totally obliterate them.”
Emphasis ours. Fright ours, too!
Hillary Clinton defeated Barack Obama in the Pennsylvania primary yesterday. The victory wasn’t large enough to ensure either candidate the Democratic nomination, so, in the coming weeks, expect more of the same talk of superdelegates and elitism as the contest continues. Basically: boring!
Which is why were bringing to your attention something that was brought to our attention at midnight last night in an e-mail from friend and colleague Andrew Belonsky:
Did you see Obama’s concession speech tonight? Did you notice the abercrombie and fitch boys behind him? If not, watch it on YouTube.
What better way to spice up the duller-by-the-day presidential campaign trail than cute, all-American boys? God bless the USA!
Click through for the video.
CONTINUED »
While the leading candidates for president squared off last night in taped messages aired on WWE’s Monday Night Raw, the commander-in-chief himself appeared on an episode of Deal or No Deal to wish luck to Joe Kobes, a contestant who had done three tours of duty in Iraq. After making a joke about how everyone hates him because he’s pissed on the world, President Bush went back to brainstorming ways to stop Kobes’ peers from killing themselves.
Video of both shows after the jump.
CONTINUED »
In a letter that twice includes the word “Hitler,” angry filmmaker Michael Moore has publicly given his official endorsement to a Democratic presidential candidate. Hint: The documentarian’s choice is not Hillary Clinton, whom he describes as “a bigot stoking the fires of stupidity.”
Full letter after the jump.
CONTINUED »
Because we’ve all gone mad and everything is now absurd, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama and John McCain will each appear on WWE program Monday Night Raw tonight, the eve of the important Pennsylvania primary. In prerecorded messages, the three wealthy candidates will attempt to convince fans of professional wrestling that they like Frito pie and bitter gun nuts.
NICE ONE, DEMS “Republican Sen. John McCain has erased Sen. Barack Obama’s 10-point advantage in a head-to-head matchup, leaving him essentially tied with both Democratic candidates in an Associated Press-Ipsos national poll released Thursday. The survey showed the extended Democratic primary campaign creating divisions among supporters of Obama and rival Sen. Hillary Rodham Clinton and suggests a tight race for the presidency in November no matter which Democrat becomes the nominee.”
Is this the perfect candidate? And is it odd that we find her him it slightly beautiful?
According to a publicity stunt conjured by the New England Historic Genealogical Society, presidential candidates Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton can claim as cousins an odd assortment of famous people. For instance, Clinton is a cousin of permamommy actress Angelina Jolie. Interesting, but not implausible. That is, until you consider the NEHGS’s finding that Clinton’s rival, Senator Obama, is related to Jolie’s longtime partner, Brad Pitt.
Also said to have familial connections to Senator Clinton are Celine Dion, Madonna and Alanis Morissette. Perhaps fittingly, Barack can call six US presidents “cuz,” including James Madison and George W Bush. And maybe he gets his oratorical skills from another distant relative: Sir Winston Churchill.
Conclusions:
• Racists know very little about history.
• Politics has never mattered when the lights are off.
• The Obama camp needs to play up that Pitt connection.
• Demi Moore has a great new beauty treatment: Allowing leeches to prey on her. Which works out nicely, since she’s with Ashton Kutcher. [PS]
• Amy Winehouse cleaned up her act! Just kidding, she looks like hell. [DListed]
• Priscilla Presley’s face is all messed up because it was injected with “silicone used to lubricate auto parts.” We’re going to pretend that’s also what happened to Jocelyn Wildenstein. [TMZ]
• Genealogists believe Hillary Clinton is related to Angelina Jolie and Barack Obama is related to Brad Pitt. You know who else they say Barack is related to? George Bush. [Yahoo]
• Britney knows talent when she sees it: American Idol contestant Kristy Lee Cook, this season’s Sanjaya, was signed to Spears’ label many years ago and was even mentored by the pop star. We can see that worked out. [INO]
• Denise Richards legally dropped Sheen as her last name; still no word on what she did with her dignity. [Us]
Editor
