A new breed of bottom feeder is roaming the boardrooms of Hollywood studios and attempting to score a quick buck: the title consultant. This is the guy attempting to convince producers that the reason The Shawshank Redemption failed at the box office is because its name was off-putting, not because many moviegoers prefer explosions to brutal scenes of abject hopelessness and gay gang-rape.
Seth Lockhart, one half of the marketing company TitleDoctors, describes the motivation behind his life's pursuit as such: "When movie titles don't work, studios are leaving potential earnings on the table." Lockhart swears his job is necessary, despite the fact that there's tons of evidence to the contrary:
CONTINUED »
• New York television news team terrified the orange guy might ruin their very important iPhone story. [BWE]
• Most hookers feel lucky when they're not beaten to death. [DListed]
• Lohan in jorts. [HT]
• License to Wed fails worse than many real marriages. [ICYDK]
• Now hopeless thirtysomethings can venture outside their condos and boo Big on the silver screen. [Glitterati]
• This is how unwanted babies are made. [Yeeeah]
• Veins mean she's alive. They're not gross. Sorry. [CityRag]
• A look at luxury with Blonde Redhead, by editor Cord Jefferson. [Filter]
Seems 'twas a bad idea to ask for some poetry in the style of Rosie. As a reader pointed out, "that's either an indictment of rosie or her style…maybe both." So, while I appreciate the entrants that did make an attempt, I think declaring a winner might be moot due to lack of competition.
Let's try to make up for yesterday's Rosie failure with a good round of haiku's regarding the bit of Hugh Grant ultra-violence. Note that Hugh is alleged to have hurled some baked beans at a photog before wishing cancer on the man's children. Cheery, no?
Let's see some fantastic haiku-ing, guys. Extra points for working in the phrase "Notting kill." Good luck!
[Source]
• He's such a bad dancer it's like he's mocking them. [BWE]
• Celine Dion's duet with a dead man made me wish that I, too, could be a dead man. [ICYDK]
• Hugh Grant taking a cue from Red Foxx and willing beans and disease on a photog. [CityRag]
• Out of all the people in the world to make death threats upon, this guy chooses the most insidious: Hilary Duff. [Yeeeah]
• Pamela Anderson goes back to the beach. [HT]
• Fergie's hanging at her new home looking mortgalicious (Get it? Everything "ilicious" with this chick.). [PopSugar]
• A piece by Editor Cord Jefferson. [Filter]
• Larry the Cable Guy found the most efficient way to alienate his blue collar fan base: make light of the war their sons and daughters are dying in. [BWE]
• Spiderman 4? Will the villain finally learn to just cut off his arms at the elbows and shoot him in the head? [TheBosh]
• Everything wants to get away from Britney, even her breasts. [HT]
• Sardonic British wit hits a low point with Hugh Grant's cancer jokes. [INO]
• TRL loses the only reason 15-year-old boys were still tuning in: Vanessa Minnillo. [Jossip]
• He's bringing drinking on the job back. [ASL]
Here we see Hugh Grant in what may very well be the first photographs of someone employing the laziest trick in the runner's book. That being taking it easy and walking in quiet residential areas, before breaking off into a dead sprint once you reach high traffic roads and judgmental eyes.
It's equivalent to only washing your hands because someone else is in the bathroom, and it's endearing in a Spicoli way; because now, no matter how much of a charming Brit vibe the guy puts out, you'll always know he's kind of a shiftless cheater.
[Source]
Elton John threw a lavish 60th birthday bash for himself last night, and all the grand Anglicans came out to celebrate. Guests included Hugh Grant, Sting, Paul McCartney, Daniel Craig, Kate Moss, the Osbournes and the ever radiant Thandie Newton.
For some reason, Elton and partner David Furnish opted to wear full military garb; questionable judgment during wartime. But, immediately winning the classless war was TMZ who, when covering the event, chose to run the headline, "Elton's Rear Admiral."
How 'bout that for your 60th, Elton? A nice, concrete reminder that, even after six decades of life and countless career successes, someone will always be around to make fun of you for being gay.
[Source]
Turns out that Hugh Grant and Jemima Khan's split may not be as bland as merely an "amicable decision." In fact, it sounds a bit like a classic, tragic, doomed romance–classism, a meddling mother, a loving homebody trying to tame a wildcat. It's all here:
Jemima’s family are reportedly relieved that the relationship is over - and Jemima is too.
A source told the Daily Mail: “The fact is that, from the very beginning, the Goldsmith clan realised Jemima’s relationship with Hugh would not last.”
“In the final analysis they came from different worlds. To put it bluntly, Hugh was just too middle-class for the Goldsmiths, so he was always living on borrowed time. In fact, he did rather well to last as long as he did.”
“Hugh is a takeaway meal in front of the telly kind of guy, nothing like the rather grand Goldsmiths.”
“[Jemima’s mother Lady Annabel Goldsmith] still jokes about the time when they spent one of their first evenings together back in 2004. Jemima was ready to introduce her mother to the new man in her life over a meal when Hugh breezed in with two plastic bags of curry from the local Indian restaurant, plonked them on the table and said: ‘Tuck in, girls!’”
…Jemima herself had hoped that Hugh would be a suitable party companion: “Much to her disappointment, it turned out that Hugh didn’t like socialising at all. In fact, he hated it. He even resented having to promote his films, and would rather stay at home than go out to eat at a restaurant, anathema to Jemima.”
“In the end she got thoroughly sick of it.”
To be sure, I really empathize with Grant's desire to just take it easy at home. That said: takeout for your very first meal with your billionaire girlfriend's mother? Come on, Hugh. No amount of bumbling, stumbling British charm can make up for that one.
I've included as many photos as I could find of Jemima wilting at Hugh's plebeian touch. I can't see why he wasn't in to party hopping with the old girl. She looks like a blast!
PS That's definitely Jemima "Too Good for Takeout" Khan tongue-kissing Kate Moss. Obviously well-heeled.
[Source]
Hugh Grant's single again, and here's his ex-g/f, Jemima, running merry around old England. Not sure why they broke up. Not sure I care. But, she's pretty, demure and well dressed so, assuming she's fun and kind to waiters, it's gotta be a tough loss for Hugh. Let's just hope they didn't have a disagreement about his proclivity for having illicit, unprotected sex with flight attendants, as some of his countrymen are wont to do.
Aww, look, its the 90s!
If a group of tweens looked at this photo, they would probably barely know who these two actors are, let alone believe that only a few years ago they were two of the biggest names in the business. Never the blockbuster stars, Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore were still popular in gossip magazines, with the paparazzi, and were generally loved by the public. Oh, don't be sad, I still love them both, maybe this new romantic comedy Music and Lyrics By will help them connect with the youth. Eh, I doubt it.
Hey, until Jonathen Rhys Meyer is getting a blow job from a tranvestite prostitute and Lindsay Lohan is whipping off her shirt on David Letterman (which, now that I think about it, isn't too far-fetched), the new kids on the block got nothing on these fogeys.
Editor
