There was another Hogan car accident over the weekend, this time involving Brooke, everyone's favorite MySpace author. The wreck was not Brooke's fault, and she and her passenger walked away with no injuries. Thank God, because can you imagine the world with one less Hogan to spew nonsense?
To make sense of everything, Brooke took to the Internet with a new blog post — that has since been removed — thanking her jailbird brother and his passenger who has been in a coma since Nick's fateful car accident, because their mistakes saved her life. Well, at least the passenger has that to keep him going.
You can read the entire thing after the jump.
You know what's fun? Listening to Nick Hogan cry to his mother on the phone about how horrible jail is. The great thing about the Hogans is that they don't really grasp the concept of reality — take, for example, Nick's refusal to sympathize with his close friend who will have to live the rest of his life suffering the consequences of Nick's actions. Heaven forbid Nick experience trauma for eight months when someone else will never get their life back. Nick is truly an inspiration to America.
Listen to the conversation here.
[Source]
Brooke Hogan's latest MySpace rant (which has since been removed) was obviously not the ramblings of a perfectly sane person, and sources close to the Hogan family are convinced she is headed toward an emotional breakdown. Apparently her parents' divorce and brother's sentencing have gotten the best of her and "she just can't keep it together." Gee, you think?
In other family news, Hulk and Linda presented a united front at Nick's court hearing earlier this month (Linda even wore her wedding ring), but it was all an act to show support for their son. That shouldn't surprise anybody, because Hulk has based his entire career on acting, especially as of late — he even admitted that Hogan Knows Best was scripted (gasp!) and he was wary of the entire idea from the beginning:
I was offered lots of [reality] shows when I was making my career comeback against The Rock, but I kept saying no. But years later, it was my daughter’s career and son’s racing career that we were thinking about.
We saw the Ashlee Simpson show and Jessica Simpson’s and Lindsay Lohan on the big screen and we just didn’t haven’t a vehicle to compete. But I considered it, because this time it was about the Hogan family rather than Hulk Hogan; they all wanted to do it and I tried to warn them about what they were in for. Now look what happened.
The point where everything went downhill can be debated, but we believe it happened when Hulk tried to base his family's life on that of the Simpsons.
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In the wake of Nick Hogan's eight-month jail sentence for felony reckless driving, sister Brooke took to her MySpace to speak out against the entire situation. Because — let's be honest — writing about how the justice system is flawed on the No. 1 site for pedophiles is going to cause some shake-ups. Brooke insists no one knows the real story and even goes on to insult Nick's passenger who nearly lost his life in the accident. If that's not going to win over the general public, we don't know what will.
The entire diatribe, after the jump.
JUSTICE SERVED "Nick Bollea was sentenced to eight months in Florida’s Pinellas County Jail for felony reckless driving Thursday after pleading no contest in in court. A judge also handed down five years probation, 500 hours of community service and a three-year drivers license revocation. Nick will not be able to drink for the duration of his probation, and will attend DUI education classes within one year."
In an effort to bolster the ever-assailed decorum of the Internet, Mollygood looks to poetry with Someone Haiku. Each day – using 17 syllables or less – you’re given the opportunity to wax poetic about some piece of flotsam or jetsam that’s washed up on the shores of Mollygood. Hopefully this Zen practice will not only bathe you in self-discovery, but also bring a touch of Eastern class to a global network of information that’s devolved into nothing more than tit websites and provocative MySpace pictures.
Today's Someone Haiku winner is twgirl:
Her memoirs like those
Of a geisha tell of
Innocence sold too soon
That was good. A bit Oprah's Book Club-ey, but good.
New one under here.
CONTINUED »
Hey! Here's a photo of leathered monster Hulk Hogan working suntan lotion deep into the vulnerable spots of daughter Brooke's hind parts. We're not parents, but we don't think he should be doing that. What say you?
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• Mollygood Editor Cord (seen here as an adorable youngin') wants to know if he's black enough for you. [SH]
• Kids are so cute: Madonna's daughter wants to save Britney Spears. Nobody spoil it and tell her it's impossible. [Us]
• Hulk Hogan's new girlfriend looks just like daughter Brooke. Surprised? [INO]
• Jennifer Lopez's nursery may kill her babies. Also a danger to the kids: Skeletor. [Jossip]
• Anyone hoping to buy Jamie Lynn Spears a baby gift, stalk away. [People]
• Sorry, Internet pedophiles: Miley Cyrus is not looking for a boyfriend online. [ICYDK]
The Hogan saga continues this week with a lawsuit filed against 3/4 of the clan. The family of John Graziano, the passenger in Nick Hogan's vehicle on that fateful August day when he wrecked his car in a street race, filed a suit against Hulk, Linda and Nick, alleging they were negligent and are directly liable for the crash.
In the suit, [Graziano's court-appointed guardian Peter] Musante alleges that Nick negligently operated his Toyota Supra by racing another man in a Dodge Viper, a car also owned by Hulk. The suit claims the Bolleas were aware of Nick's need for speed and knew that he had souped-up his vehicle for the purpose of racing.
Musante also says Hulk purchased alcohol the day of the accident — August 26 — and that Hulk 'knew or should have known' Nick was driving under the influence of the crash and he failed to take appropriate action.
The Hogans are also responsible for Brooke's music career. Can we hold them liable for that, too? Better yet, let's do another series of Hogan Knows Best, but this time it's in a remote location and there's no cameras. And also, there's an explosive of some sort.
[Source]
We never watched Hogan Knows Best, but if the cameras were rolling during this whole fiasco, we might have tuned in.
The National Enquirer is reporting that Hulk Hogan had an affair with another woman while he was still married — and the other woman, of course, was a friend of his 19-year-old daughter, Brooke.
Christiane Plante, 33, said she was basically just helping to cheer up the Hulk, 54, during a difficult time. What, did he run out of self tanner?
My relationship with Terry began at a time when Terry and Linda privately knew their marriage was ending. She had left him already, although no official papers had been filed.
Terry is a good man, good father and a good friend, and he and I grew close at a time when he was going through a very difficult period. It seemed right then, but I know it was wrong.
Having felt the guilt and pain build up, I gave a note to Brooke apologizing for my actions. I will never be able to fully forgive myself for this. I have lost an amazing friend.
We won't be convinced until she shows us the orange stains on her clothing or bed sheets.
[Source]
Despite the heavy head of Hulk Hogan, 2008's King Bacchus, other revelers at this year's Mardi Gras are so angry at a world that trounces on them time and time again excited they're gunning each other down five at a time. Laissez les bons temps rouler!
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• So, one to 10, ten being huge, how much of an idiot coward is Mitt Romney? [Queerty]
• All this Dancing With the Stars merchandise is really going to sap the class from the thing. [DListed]
• Why is this baby always so happy? What's her secret? [PS]
• The mouse click that saved this flier in Photoshop was the official death knell of Tara Reid's career. Oh well. [Yeeeah]
• Drea de Matteo gave her baby a slur for a middle name. [INO]
• Linda Hogan wants half of the Hulkster's fortune! Lady, do you know many beatings that man took at the hands of Sargent Slaughter for those millions? [ICYDK]
• Mischa Barton? Where'd she go? [HT]
Defeated professional wrestler Hulk Hogan was suplexed by divorce papers last week. Filed Tuesday by Hulk's wife Linda Hogan, the divorce proceedings append a relationship fraught with tumult, often publicly on the Hogans' reality show, Hogan Knows Best.
Exacerbating the trauma, Hulk found out his wife was divorcing him after nosy reporters questioned him about it. His reaction: "Thank you for the great information." We think there's a good chance he was not being sarcastic, in which case, funny.
• Kate Moss' new boyfriend looks to be as well-dressed urchin as her last one. Well done. [DListed]
• Pamela Anderson adding more gross stuff to her kids to find on Google. [HT]
• Hulkster talks about Hulka-accident and fear that his lead-footed son was Hulka-dead. [INO]
• Jennifer Garner has strict policies regarding her boobs, which makes her like my frustrating high school girlfriend. [ICYDK]
• Maggie Gyllenhaal: Sex symbol? [Yeeeah]
• More likely: "Matt Dillon's Normal Maturation." [CityRag]
Not content to just ridicule one member of the Hogan Family, I was just wondering to myself how I could incorporate other players in that menagerie of bleach blonde and fake tan into this blog, when these photos came up, answering my prayers. Many times in my life have I seen Hulk Hogan in spandex briefs (probably more than real pants, even), but never have I felt so close to his man junk. Enlarge that picture to see what I mean. In neon, no less. Also, that skin color can't be healthy, but at least he takes care of his face with that darling hat. Huck Finn on 'roids.
[Source]
• Ashley Olsen's bodyguard threatens a photographer with a gun, beats him with a flashlight instead. [X17]
• "Awesome" marriages often include one person living at a hotel, right Britney? [Celebitchy]
• Dude, Gwen Stefani, stop bogarting your baby. Gavin wants to hold him too, sometimes. [A Socialite's Life]
• Kevin Federline set to shock and horrify audiences by performing at this years Teen Choice Awards. [Celebrity Nation]
• Manorexic Carson Daly demonstrates why he is no longer allowed to frighten the tweens on MTV. [DListed]
• While no one was looking Keira Knightly became an elderly hunchback. [JustJared]
• Remember Katie Holmes pre-Tom Cruise brainwashing? Adorable really. [OAN]
• I know you wanna be a Hulkmaniac. [VelevetHotTub]
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