Sometimes we are reminded that celebrities (we use this term loosely) are people, too, and are often fighting the same internal battles as the rest of us — and then Michael Lohan comes along and snaps us out of it. See, Mike's father died last night amid a family feud that's been playing out in the media over the last few days. You'd think the passing of a parent might put life into perspective, but for Michael it just sent him over the edge in his quest to burn ex-wife Dina at the cross. Naturally, he issued a statement to OK! within hours of his father's death:
My father just, literally, died in my arms. I notified all my kids and my lawyer notified Dina's attorney. Let's see if she has the decency and respect to bring my kids to the wake and funeral. THIS will show her true colors! Thus, not even a call. But that's par for the course with Dina! She didn't even send a card or visit when he was sick.
Really, there are no words.
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This is the third development today in the Lindsay Lohan-Michael Lohan-Samantha Ronson feud, which just goes to show how eager these people are to lash out via any media outlet who will listen. Michael upped the ante this afternoon by responding to a classier publication than normal: ABC News. It's a sad day when ABC News has gotten in on the Lohan family drama.
Michael had some not-so-nice things to say about both Lindsay and Samantha, then he threw Dina into the mix by saying she's a two-faced mother more concerned with being her daughter's friend. Tell us something we didn't know, Mike. Most endearing is the part where he insults Lindsay's decreasing movie salary — but he wants her to be "in a good place." What a sweetheart.
It's really difficult to explain the disaster that is Michael Lohan's view of the world, so we'll let him speak for himself (after the jump). CONTINUED »
Remember the accidental hilarity that occurred when a bunch of crazies stumbled upon our Corey Haim and Jonas Brothers posts? This time they've taken over a Stereohyped story about "white, female sex tourists of a certain age who vacation in Kenya, where they 'befriend' young locals in need of some extra cash." You can probably guess what happened next.
Well, that was fast: After Lindsay Lohan issued a statement to Access Hollywood in response to her father's cries for attention and then Samantha Ronson posted a MySpace rant about Michael's idiocy, Linds took to her MySpace to vent some more. Because evidently enough hurtful things haven't been said amongst the Lohan clan.
We feel for Lindsay a bit, because her father truly is a media whore, but she lost us when she insisted that her mother is the goddess of all things pure and good in this world. Um, no. To make matters worse, she also does that weird thing with the hyphens, just like Sam.
This is way less entertaining without Anderson Cooper around to provide commentary. CONTINUED »
DUMBEST COURT BATTLE EVER "Hilary Duff's dad will be spending up to 10 days in jail — all because of a fight over cash for Hilary's birthday party. … Mama Duff dragged her ex into court — and this is no joke — to ask for $25,000 to throw a party for Hilary's 21st birthday — because that's what they spent on Haylie's 21st bday two years ago."
We've come to the conclusions that the Lohan family can't survive without being involved in some sort of public feud. The latest was with America's hero, Anderson Cooper, but this time they're keeping it inside the family and battling father Michael Lohan. Oh boy.
Upon news that Lindsay's girlfriend Samantha Ronson plans to write a tell-all, Michael went into a tirade accusing Sam of using LiLo for fame. Mike's not so self-aware, is he? In response, Lindsay pulled her dad aside and had a mature talk about how his actions hurt her. Just kidding, she went to Access Hollywood to announce that her father is "out of control."
So now it's Samantha's turn, and she unleashed her anger via MySpace, Brooke Hogan-style. CONTINUED »
Fashion Week is nine days away, and before we awkwardly descend upon the tents once again, we decided to remind ourselves of the circus that's ahead. Thankfully, New York magazine did the work for us and compiled a list of 100 of the most hideous looks from the Fall 2008 shows. Our top pick is at left, but you can view the whole list here.
Remember yesterday when we were perplexed over the new Heidi Montag video? Someone with too much time on their hands matched up the video and audio, so now every American can exercise his or her right to watch a horribly-produced clip of a horse marching around in spandex. Our reaction to the masterpiece is similar to the guy at right, which disproves Spencer and Heidi's argument that the last video sucked because they didn't put any money or effort into it.
After the jump: Four minutes' worth of vomit-inducing madness. CONTINUED »
This is not good, you guys: Gas prices are so high that Diddy can't afford to fuel his private jet — and he's forced to fly commercial. Take a moment, sit down, wipe the tears from your eyes. We have word that Diddy is still alive and staying strong, even under these dreadful circumstances. To add insult to injury, he even has to fly coach! Except in the video it's pretty obvious he plops down in a first-class seat. Liar.
Here's Diddy's plea: "I wanna give a shoutout to all my Saudi Arabian brothers and sisters and all my brothers and sisters from, um … all the countries that have oil. If y'all could please send me some oil for my jet I would truly appreciate it." We have a feeling Saudi Arabia has bigger issues to worry about, but we'll see what happens.
WHAT'S IN A NAME? This just in: one of the four racist yahoos arrested in connection to the Barack Obama "assassination plot" has the surname Adolf. It's not the one pictured here, but that guy looked the funniest with the mustache.
In what has rapidly become the worst idea ever, DMX announced he will star in his own reality show. DMX: This Life of Mine will follow the rapper as he reads to children, volunteers at the local animal shelter and redecorates his home. Just kidding, it's going to be all about his 582 arrests. DMX says he hopes people can see "what really goes on in my life." Uh, buddy? We've seen your six arrests in 2008 alone. What else could you possibly have been doing?
BECAUSE NOTHING SAYS 'CHIC' LIKE A SIDE PONY "Kim Vo … told E! News exclusively that he just may be creating three VMA looks for [Britney Spears]. … The first look would obviously be for the red carpet. Vo says he and Brit are still 'feeling out' ideas about how that will look. The second style would be for the show itself, probably something 'more chic, like a side ponytail.' And look No. 3 would be for her PERFORMANCE! That’s right, we said performance. For such an event, Vo and Brit want something 'more quintessential Britney.'"
David Blaine, whose mission in life is to constantly top his own stupidity, has announced his next cry for attention: He will hang upside-down from a six-story highwire above Central Park for three days and two nights. During this time he must (obviously) sleep upside-down and will not be allowed to eat. Sounds fun. Oh, and this is going to be televised on national television Sept. 24 so everybody can join in the absurdity.
For those who will be in New York during this stunt, David wants you to stop by and say hello: "There are always some crazy things. I get flashed quite often. Luckily, mostly from girls." Yeah, luckily.
Later, Blaine plans to break the world record for sleep deprivation, which should be easier than his failed attempt at abstaining from being a tool.
BECAUSE THE WORLD HATES WOMEN Someone bravely sneaked up to actress Sienna Miller's home last night and spray-painted "slut" onto the front of it. Presumably this happened because Miller used her EVIL feminine wiles to capture a man who was once happily married, thus totally bringing this Hawthornian punishment on herself!
MTV has put out a casting call for their newest shockingly ill-conceived reality show, Model Makers, which will feature young girls being judged on how well they slim down in order to prove their love of the catwalk. So disturbing, but not anything new for reality television, which as of late actually seemed to be pulling back from the precarious brink of Milf Island:
It's not news that on a daily basis Rush Limbaugh spews crazy vitriol like Linda Blair spewed pea soup. But it is somewhat surprising that his callers love the same movies normal people do. Here's the 'Baugh himself, on his radio show yesterday, talking about liberals "drilling for racism," Caddyshack, and a whole host of other nonsensical stuff:
As if Jesus didn't have enough problems, now he has to deal with his latest fan, Spencer Pratt. We'll let Spence do the talking:
I’m a work in progress. I’d never been to church until I met Heidi. She got me to go — it was a big step. The walls shook a little bit as I first cruised in, but Jesus and I are making the connection. I’m trying to live a more positive, holy life, but it takes work. It’s hard not sinning, you know?
Heidi’s there going, ‘What would Jesus do? What would Jesus do?’ And I’m like, ‘Jesus gave me these great comebacks.' And she’s like, ‘No, that’s the devil.’
Interesting, Heidi. We weren't aware that Jesus got breast implants and spread sex tape rumors to Perez Hilton, but maybe we missed that part of the Bible.
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We all know violent sexpot New York has no respect for herself – really, how could she? – but had you any idea how little she cares for the feelings of others?
In the newest episode of televised pockmark New York Goes to Hollywood, Pollard attempts to research Japanese culture for an upcoming commercial role. Of course, she goes about this not by heading to the library for The Book of Five Rings or scouring Wikipedia, but by asking every Asian person she sees if they can explain Japan. (To a Korean dry cleaner: "Is that the same as being Japanese, or, like, not at all?") HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Hilarious! And ironic, considering how the underlying joke here – New York doesn't get that all Asians aren't the same – is pretty similar to one that's plagued blacks for hundreds of years.
We'd love to see how well Pollard would take it were a Japanese person to approach her and ask how she played a crackhead so well in Jungle Fever.
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