If you needed more proof that television is in an abysmal state, Joe Jackson, the patriarch of one of the most dysfunctional families in Hollywood, is bringing his brand of crazy to your small screen. Joe will have a film crew in tow as he attempts to reunite his sons one last time (sorry, Janet) and develops a clothing line (??). This really sounds like the worst idea ever.

And if you had any doubt this guy was absolutely insane, he solidifies it:

Being the father of all of the Jacksons, it is the father who is putting the Jacksons back together, father knows best.

Sounds like the ramblings of a totally sane person.

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• Gerard Butler is searching for his “dream girl” who he says disappeared during a date a few years ago. OK, fine. It was me. [ICYDK]

• Rich people have problems, too: Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel fight over refrigerator space. [INO]

• Blake Lively’s puppy is not above peeing on her owner, now matter how famous she may be. [PS]

• Janet Jackson manages to look both comfortable and uncomfortable at the same time. [SH]

• Mario Lopez on Eva Longoria: “We never dated. Unfortunately. We met a long time ago, and she was always with somebody or I was with somebody.” Not like that’s stopped him before. [DListed]

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Scarlett Johansson wasted no time in debuting her engagement ring from fiancé Ryan Reynolds at last night’s Costume Institute Gala at NYC’s Metropolitan Museum of Art. Pretty much every celebrity you can imagine was in attendance (except for Reynolds), and 95 percent of the wardrobe choices made our heart cry.

Click through for more pictures than you could have ever asked for.

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Despite all the media hoopla surrounding Beyonce and Jay-Z’s wedding last Friday, the couple only appeared on the cover of one tabloid (Us Weekly). Naturally, the celebrity media are being labeled as “racist” because some assume “African-Americans don’t sell covers.”

Except Janet Jackson was on the cover of two of Us‘ best-selling issues. That kind of nips the whole controversy in the bud, no?

Here’s why B and Jay only landed on one cover: Because there was nothing to report that celebrity blogs hadn’t already covered. It was old news, and the couple remained so tight-lipped about the entire event that the mags had better things to investigate, like whether Britney is suffering a relapse.

Case closed.

THE NON-SILENCE OF THE LAMBS “Mariah Carey will be the musical guest on [Saturday Night Live] this week after Janet Jackson dropped out because of the flu.”

IS ASHLEE SIMPSON BUSY? “Janet Jackson won’t be live from New York this Saturday night — she’s got the flu! … Ms. Jackson has dropped out of performing on Saturday Night Live this week. No word who her replacement will be.”

WHAT A WHIMP “Janet Jackson was taken to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles ‘late last night with a shortness of breath.’ … But her rep tells Us this morning, ‘Janet is fine. She’s just battling this flu like everyone else.’”

Janet Jackson is a saint. Despite tirelessly promoting her new album, she took time to patiently teach Larry King some dance moves. As you can imagine, it’s painful to watch, but she lasts a good minute and a half. Which is 89 seconds longer than we would have lasted.

Next Tuesday, Tyra Banks, ex-model and current host of an awkward, unfulfilling talk show, will be airing an interview with pop princess Janet Jackson. Jackson will be discussing her new album, Discipline, and then it looks like Tyra kicks her ass. Do tune in!

I recently talked with Janet Jackson for a magazine article I wrote. As I expected, her speaking voice made her sound like a mouse whispering through a cotton ball. What I hadn’t planned on was how positively charming she’d prove to be. (Full disclosure: She said my name was “cool,” so I’m not without my bias.)

Now, Miss Jackson (I’m nasty) surprises me yet again with this actually funny group of short MTV reality show spoofs. They all have their moments, but the Real World-esque freak out session is not to be missed.

As the clips are running on MTV, the station must know how terribly idiotic its programming is. This makes it willfully greedy, not willfully ignorant, which is much, much worse.

Despite telling Parade magazine that she is a marriage jinx, rumors are swirling that Janet Jackson is going to be walking down the aisle again.

Although the pop star has remained mum on her engagement to rapper Jermaine Dupri, she recently hit up designers like Badgley Mischka, asking for bridal gown samples. ‘She’s preparing for her private nuptials,’ said one source.

We think it’s best for celebrities to skip the whole marriage thing — it means no messy divorce proceedings later. But congrats, Janet! … We give it two years.

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• Happy Valentine’s Day, lovers!

• Whaddya know! Editor Cord Jefferson interviewed Q-Tip and Janet Jackson and a bunch of other people for Filter’s latest cover story on A Tribe Called Quest. Go out and buy it if you’re aware of how amazing Tribe is! [Filter]

• The model from Kanye West’s new video is now selling her “dirty panties” for $25 a pair. So, yeah, there’s that. [DListed]

• Who is Amy Smart? Does she live up to her name? Was she in American Pie? [HT]

• The constant presence of paparazzi in Kate Moss‘ neighborhood has had a mitigating effect on local crime. To that, we have no response. [ICYDK]

• You, too, can look like Jennifer Aniston, and without the sad, sad eyes. [INO]

• Have you any interest in miniature spy guns? Sure you do. [CityRag]

• So, what’s a “superdelegate”? [Wiki]

• Janet Jackson’s new track has barely any Janet Jackson on it. Yay? Nay? [DListed]

• Are these the sexiest women of 2007? Maxim picked them, so probably not. [CityRag]

• That’s not a monkey paw? [Yeeeah]

• Jessica Simpson’s reverse Midas touch has proven too strong for even Luke Wilson’s jawline. [ICYDK]

• Already pissy! Good luck with that one, Dad! [INO]

• Labor strikes are the new black. [PS]

• And here’s why: Because strikes work! Damn the man. [EBG]

• “What do you want to do with your life?” [HT]

Click the photo above to watch an interview Tyler Perry and Janet Jackson did in support of their new movie, Why Did I Get Married. While the conversation should have been absolutely boring, one of the brilliant reporters decided to ask Jackson about her “wardrobe malfunction.” A timely question considering the incident of which he speaks only happened about four years ago. As one would expect, he gets no response, awkwardness is shared by all and, once Perry and Jackson are dropped from the live feed, the man bravely proclaims he expected some answers. Hard hitting!

Look! It’s me, Cord, with Trent from Pink Is the New Blog. (Search Mollygood on Wikipedia and it takes you to his entry. Weird, but I’m too indifferent to change it.) Where did this meeting of the typists occur? At In Touch magazine’s fifth anniversary party. There was much to behold, and we beheld all of it. Boy did I dance badly, but to what I can’t remember on account of being slightly tipsy. Drinking is an absolute necessity when swimming with the heeled and hatted sharks that attend these things. After the jump, the stories!

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What better way to remember a self-loathing, angry, gay, deposed senator than with a self-deprecating, funny, gay dance track? It’s no “Nasty,” but give it a chance. And keep your fingers crossed for heavy rotation in West Hollywood.

Holy cluster fuck, Pap Man!

I haven’t seen such a hodge podge of celebrities since May of 1988: the last Battle of The Network Stars. Last night’s post-VMA party at TAO wasn’t a battle, but there may have been some casualties.

See what happens when Jermaine Dupri, Nelly and Travis Barker are picked to host an MTV party and celebrities stop being polite - and start getting drunk.

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Diminutive producer Jermaine Dupri has reportedly said he’s intentionally pitting girlfriend Janet Jackson against extravagant screecher Mariah Carey in a charts war scheduled for next year. Adding jerk to stupid, Dupri will be producing Mariah Carey’s album, leaving production duties of Janet’s record up to friend LA Reid. Quote Dupri, “I’m going to do Mariah, and we’re going to make it seem like we’re in competition to see who’s going to have the biggest album of the year.” I’m sure Janet’s really excited about this. And I’m sure women everywhere are excited to know that male puppet masters still get a kick out of playing with their dolls every once in a while.

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