"A well done, well acted wasteful drag of a movie," says one IMDB review of Lindsay Lohan and Jared Leto's new film Chapter 27, which focuses on the final days before Mark David Chapman (Leto) murdered John Lennon. So not dismal reviews, a recent development for both the slipping Lohan and the annoying Leto. Now, do you think Jordan Catalano's 67-pound weight gain to play the psycho killer cooled the romance between he and Lindsay while on set?

Fun fact: The actor playing John Lennon in the film is named Mark Lindsay Chapman. Weird!

• No hyperbole: Jared Leto's new song is the worst one I've heard in months. [ICYDK]

• "…Paris Hilton and Elisha Cuthbert were making out at Tenjune in NYC last night." [DListed]

• TV celebrity Katherine Heigl still smokes American Spirits! Where are the Dunhills, baby? [EBG]

• Jessica Alba's having a boy. You better believe his friends going to have a field day with the MILF jokes. [PS]

• Avril Lavigne may be pregnant with the world's smallest baby. [INO]

• "Bad luck charms" and "curses" aren't real. Wear the hat, Jessica. [HT]

• "Hey, your natural smell smells, one, like a man, and, two, smells like you." [Yeeeah]

• How gay is Top Gun? [CityRag]

Yes, Jared Leto is now making out with Paris Hilton at Sundance events. If his heavy eyeliner and terrible band hadn't already, this unbelievably well-timed photograph ought to put the final nail in the coffin of your Jordan Catalano crush.

[Source]

• So is Perez Hilton a 10-year-old girl or just a "cunt"? [YouTube]

• Our new hero: "Senator Ernie Chambers of Nebraska filed a lawsuit against God last week for causing 'widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions upon millions of the Earth's inhabitants." [DListed]

• Now Pamela Anderson just gives it away for free. [HT]

• Angelina says she's only slept with four men. She must be forgetting that men named Billy Bob count as four or five. [ICYDK]

• Kanye West: "[Black people's] biggest advantage is that we wear gold jewelry really well." That does it: Kanye West doesn't care about black people. [INO]

• Despite what you'll read here, Jared Leto's actual diet is being in a shitty enough band to starve. [Yeeeah]

• Paris Hilton storms the gates of Valtrexia Palace, demanding they release their abundant treasure. [CityRag]

Well, here's that video footage Page Six reported on last week. Newsflash: Lindsay Lohan does drugs (hard to believe, I know), and some weaselly backstabber in her inner circle obtained the grainy, questionable evidence to prove it; and just 20 days after Lindsay had checked out of rehab.

The source of the video revealed some other striking news:

"When she is on coke, which is most of the time, all the attention has to be on her. I have lost count of the number of times I have watched as she stripped naked in front of everyone. Then she loves to check herself out in the mirror as she parades around with her boobs hanging out."

But Lindsay is not only addicted to booze and drugs, she is also hooked on sex with some of Hollywood's hottest men, says our insider.

"She has told me that she has slept with James Blunt, Jude Law, Calum Best, Joaquin Phoenix, Benicio Del Toro, Jared Leto and James Franco," admitted the friend.

"She loves Brits and has told me she has slept with the singer James Blunt a few times over the past month.

"The last time was on April 15 after another house party. I think they went back to a hotel together afterwards. She is very protective over him and when she heard I had met him she sent me a text saying, ‘Stay away from him Bitch, he is mine.'"

More so than the fact that she does drugs, I find it shocking to discover that Lindsay actually argues over James Blunt.

PS If this news is at all "shocking" to you, you're sadder than and underage starlet blowing huge rails off of toilet seats with "her boobs hanging out."

[Source]

• Brad's bummed people are picking on Angie. I've got a solution, dude: go chill on your $268 million yacht and tell the world to eat your wildly rich shit. [DListed]

• Desperate Housewives live for shit like this. [PopSugar]

• Warring to decide who first printed that Jared Leto's mediocre in the sack. [Jossip]

• You've gotta feel slightly bad for him at this point. [INO]

• Reg is coming back, baby! [HR]

• Paris is afraid jail time might taint her image. Umm, Paris, people are still taking pictures of you everywhere you go and you have a sex tape out, alleged venereal diseases, publicized pictures of your rampant drug abuse and video evidence of you dancing around while screaming "nigger." As much as it pains me to say it, jail isn't going to taint your image. [IDLYITW]

• Tracy Morgan going Martin Lawrence on a Texas morning show, sans handgun ("Somebody gonna get pregnant!"). [DListed]

• Enough with the Carmen Electra. Seriously. [HT]

• Barba proves that, when failed by mediocre talent, you gotta start exploiting your boobs. [Egotastic]

• Jennifer Hudson's getting married. Say, "We want prenup!" [Celebitchy]

• Jay-Z should use all his fucking money to buy pants that fit. [ICYDK]

• Even Kimmel hates Leto. [ASL]

• Aguilera drinking to prove she's not pregnant. Hmmmm. Better than drinking so that she won't be pregnant. [Glitterati]

• Some calloused bitches are accusing some other calloused bitches of acting extra calloused for the cameras. [NYT]

Here are some scans of Jared Leto's Purple magazine shoot in support of his new film, Chapter 27. The movie, panned by many at Sundance, depicts the days leading up to John Lennon's murder, and Leto plays Mark David Chapman, Lennon's assassin.

Chucking the Norbit route, Leto started burning through burgers like they were eyeliner, actually gaining the weight necessary to play Chapman. The photos taken of him at his normal weight were taken six months after the others.

As Jared has a reputation for acting civilly and rationally, I'm certain he shed the weight through hard work and a regimented diet.

• Dita really knocking the women's movement on it's ass. [DListed]

• Kim Kardashian really does have a sex tape. Ray J really does have a penis! [Jossip]

• Lost is back. Never seen it. [Glitterati]

• I didn't even know Tila Tequila was a real person. I thought she was like Princess Zelda. [IDLYITW]

• Bush Sr. going in for a wet one with Teri Hatcher. Sick! [ICYDK]

• Tom Cruise sends tracking device, oh, I mean "cell phone" to Dakota Fanning. WTF?! Who gives cell phones as gifts to other people's kids. You're off the weird charts again, Tom. Tone it down. [ASL]

• Wilmer? Really that upsetting? [CityRag]

• Brad Pitt moves to Berlin and immediately reinvigorates their "master race" ambitions. [JJ]

• Oscar nods roundup. Seriously, Ryan Gosling in Half Nelson is amazing. Seriously. [US]

• Here's some current Jared Leto shenanigans. [NYP]

• Thought it couldn't get any worse? Well, Jenna Jameson and Paris Hilton have been asked to star in a reality show in which virginal men attempt to have sex. See, it just got worse. [WWTDD]

• A plastic surgeon has gone on record saying that he thinks Britney Spears has aged her body by ten years in only three. So she's in 2014!? The secret to time travel is booze and smokes, guys! [ASL]

• Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams married or splitsville? [TheBosh]

• Peter Doherty not pissing his life away. [NYT]

• Heather Mills says that she never asked for $63 mill. "All I want," she claims, "is the pound of flesh I'm rightfully owed." [People]

• Jared Leto halfheartedly attacked Elijah Wood. Don't worry, he didn't get the ring. [CityRag, BV]

• Isaiah Washington meets with GLAAD. Let the awkward silence commence! [DListed]

• Coachella is going to be great this year. [ABCNews]

• Keira Knightley is suing over being called too skinny. Kirstie Alley calls her a "stupid ingrate." [PopSugar]

• Urban's outta rehab but, as I've said before, sober country songs are an oxymoron. [Us]

• Mayer and Simpson defy the odds in Miami. [People]

• Roker's gastric bypass wasn't even four hours long. [Slate]

• Jared Leto blacking-out all your Jordan Catalano fantasies with too much eyeliner. [INO]

• Prince may be short, but he's still cooler than Danny Masterson. [TMZ]

• In rehab, wearing the underwear on the outside of the leggings is the new thing. It's different in there. [Jossip]

• ¿Como se dice "You shouldn't get so close to Cruise, dude," en español? [AP]

• Britney Jive talking. [PopSugar]

• Borat's done. Kazakhstan breathes sigh of relief. [Popaholic]

• A documentary about bestiality is premiering at Sundance. I heard it's really baa-d. ZING! [ASL]

• Jennifer Love Hewitt found a costume to hide those youknowwhats she's been youknowwhating. [Celebitchy]

• Is Angelina pregnant? Probably not! But she did wear a scarf! So there's really no difference! [DListed]

• Ashlee Simpson is sure glad someone saved her seat at Hyde for those weeks she was in London. [I'm Not Obsessed]

• Diddy is looking to retire, at least until he comes up with an original new variation on that pesky name. [A Socialite's Life]

• PETA and Rachel Zoe should fight more. Just a thought. [X17]

• Aw, I don't know what the big deal is about, Jared Leto is clearly just trying to give Elijah some eyeliner tips. [CityRag]

• Not such a good sign when Borat's biggest fans are sick of Borat's face by the end of Borat. [BWE]

• Reader Frank wore the Borat suit! I love it! [Berger's Bash]

• Madonna's back in the states to parade around her new baby. Look for her to infest morning talk shows this week. [DListed]

• Courtney Cox and Sheryl Crow dressed up as a couple for Halloween? [CityRag]

• Hey Brandon Davis, there's another firecrotch in town. [Celebitchy]

• Jared Leto: The highlight reel. [BWE]

• Justin brings SexyBack to Europe. Man, I'm sure he's not at all sick of hearing that joke. [PopSugar]

• Ivanka Trump keeps her father's name close to her heart, wallet. [A Socialite's Life]

• Denise Richards takes her kids for pony ride. Thrilling. [I'm Not Obsessed]

• This Carmen Electra credit card would sell a lot better if it worked like those pens where you tilt them one day and the little person's clothes come off. [Yeeeah]

• Scarlett's looking a little D in the E, no? [I'm Not Obsessed]

• I mostly just like to imagine that every time Lohan talks about her upcoming movie, she yells the name KEIRA KNIGHTLY. [Egotastic]

• Nicole Kidman is so stone-faced about Keith Urban's recent rehab. So, so brave and stoic. Since she's usually so bubbly. [PopSugar]

• There's clothing and then there's this. [DListed]

• Have I not scarred you for life today? Well, here. [A Socialite's Life]

• Jared Leto now resorting to physically threatening bloggers. You're just adding fuel to our fire (of words), mister. [BWE]

• Jessica Simpson knows she isn't ready to carry a movie, speak more that 20 lines on screen. [DListed]

• I'd like to see her downward facing dog, if you know what I mean. [PopSugar]

• Jared Leto and Sharon Stone canoodle, reminisce about the 90s. [BWE]

• When did Kid Rock become vaguely good looking? I will now go wallow in shame for even suggesting it. [I'm Not Obsessed]

• Oh look, Jessica Simpson must have visited Lindsay Lohan's manicurist. [OAN]

• Awwww, Justin Timberlake is trying to look tough. [JustJared]

• Not, but really, stop saying Sienna Miller and Oscar in the same sentence. [A Socialite's Life]

• Anna Nicole's Wedding/Commitment Ceremony Album. Can't bring myself to post photos. [People]

No Morton's gonna slow her down.
Oh no, she's got to keep on moving.

Perhaps a little desperate to come off as happy and fine, okay?, Lindsay shows up at an event where the only other famous starlets are Jared "Fire Mullet" Leto and that girl who follows Paris Hilton around everywhere.

Dear Jared Leto,
Stop trying.
Just stop trying.
Please.
I'm sure you're glad to see that the general disdain and feeling of each other's life worth is mutual.
Love,
Yesterday's Parachute Pants

P.S. Just to drive home the point, you look like an idiot.

P.P.S. I'm onto you. I know this isn't the first time you've referenced Parachute Pants' fall from grace. Is there a fetish you want to talk to us about?