• Jessica Simpson's father threatens Dallas Cowboys fans around the country: "She's coming to the games this year, so you better get ready. She's a fan from the beginning to the end." Or until she gets dumped. [PS]

• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are considering asking Bono to be the godfather to the holy twins, which pretty much seals those kids' fate in rehab. [INO]

• Denise Richards is still campaigning to win the title of Most Vile Person Ever. [DListed]

• Lindsay Lohan was hit by a motorcycle over the weekend in NYC. There were no injuries, but father Michael still felt the urge to blab about it to every media outlet who would listen. [Yeeeah]

• Britney Spears is on vacation — but has yet to learn how to escape the paparazzi. [HT]

• Desperation: Madonna and Guy Ritchie will renew their wedding vows in a pathetic attempt to shoot down those pesky divorce rumors. [ICYDK]

Today the world celebrates 28 years of being graced with Jessica Simpson's intelligent presence. The pop-turned-country singer celebrated last night in California with Tony, Pete, Ashlee … and Vivica Fox?

[Source]

PAPA JOE IS SURE TO BE DISAPPOINTED "Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz are expecting a baby boy, a rep from the baby boutique Petit Tresor tells CelebTV.com. The couple, who married in May, filled out a registry for their baby in June and our source says, 'almost everything is blue.'"

Ever the media-savvy businessman, Joe Simpson has publicly responded to the same rumors we hear about him every week (he's a creepy control-freak), and his defense isn't helping. "The media says that I try to plan everything," Joe says. "If I had half of the power they give me…" Um, then what? Do we want to know?

He then went on to address reports that he's jealous of the men in his daughters' lives:

[Tony Romo]'s a great guy. I love Tony to death. He’s just a good kid.

I love Pete [Wentz] to death. He has a patient spirit and a kind heart. I’m honored to have Pete as my son-in-law.

Key word, of course, being "death."

[Source]

• This is Christina Aguilera's idea of "mommy-daddy" time. [DListed]

• A member of the paparazzi has been arrested for stalking Jamie Lynn Spears. Um, isn't that his job? [ICYDK]

• "ABC breaks obvious, rude news." [QT]

• The Sex and the City women have competing Marie Claire covers. We smell yet another catfight. [PS]

• Pete Wentz says he felt "content" once he heard the heartbeat of Ashlee and Joe Simpson's unborn child. [Us]

We already knew Joe Simpson was the main reason behind Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo's breakup, but now more sources are coming forward to reveal exactly how bad things got with Papa Joe. Rumor has it he advised Tony to drop his agent so Joe could take over his NFL career and contract worth almost $70 million. How Tony managed to turn down that offer is beyond us. But it gets better: Joe then informed Tony that if he proposed to Jessica, Joe could "do the same that [he] did with Ashlee." Meaning he could whore out their precious memories.

But media-savvy Papa Joe fired back, releasing a statement that just makes him sound as ridiculous as ever:

It’s unfair to criticize me for what every manager does for his or her clients. And in this business, where people can quickly turn on you, who better than a parent to be working for his children?

Preach it, Joe! Parent managers are definitely the way to go, and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Just look at Dina Lohan.

[Source]

So apparently the Jessica Simpson-Tony Romo relationship is really back in action, but only on Romo's terms. According to a friend, for some bizarre reason, Tony thinks Papa Joe is too involved in the relationship. That really came out of nowhere.

He did agree to go to [sister Ashlee's] wedding — keeping his promise to Jessica. But he made it super-clear that if they were to give it another go, her dad had to seriously back off.

So the showmance will continue — but only as a trial run — as long as Joe no longer tells Romo "how to run his life, career and endorsement deals." So, in other words, they're already broken up.

[Source]

The Papa Joe spin machine was in full force over the holiday weekend, leaking the imaginary details of Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo's latest date. Yes, they had a post-breakup get-together.

On Saturday, Jessica Simpson and Tony Romo looked every bit the happy couple at N9NE Steakhouse in Dallas. 'They were holding hands, in a good mood and happy,' a source tells People. 'They looked like they were on a date together.'

Everyone can pretty much agree on the fact that Jess and Tony are kaput, so here's what we want to know: Why are the Simpsons so hell bent on keeping this relationship alive, and what do they have on Romo?

[Source]

Tony Romo caved to Papa Joe's insistence that he accompany Jessica Simpson to sister Ashlee's wedding this weekend. But the delusions continued as the former couple staged fake romantic moments so word would get out from an anonymous source that the two are totally still together.

They were very cozy and cute together. She's definitely not mourning John Mayer! She was in an amazing mood and so happy her sister was getting married.

They were kissing and holding hands throughout the night. He was very sweet to her. They were very much a couple.

So we're all on the same page that this "source" is Papa Joe, correct?

[Source]

Congrats, Simpson family: Your pathetic attempts to stay in the spotlight have worked, and in the process, every last member of the family looks like a loser. Granted, it's been like this for awhile.

Here's the latest on the disaster Papa Joe created:

• Tony Romo and Jessica are still broken up, and Simpson reps are still denying it. Sources say Tony finally had enough of Papa Joe's meddling — which included unsolicited career advice — and also became upset after seeing Jess' Glamour magazine interview in which she referred to him as her "future husband."

• Papa Joe has begged Tony to accompany Jess to Ashlee's wedding this weekend to "support the family." Also, to keep up appearances.

• Speaking of the wedding from hell, Ashlee and Pete Wentz have asked guests to dress in dark colors for the big day. That's so deep.

• People has reportedly shelled out seven figures for exclusive access to the couple's wedding photos. Has the magazine learned nothing from the public's lack of interest in the Mariah wedding pictures?

[Source]

The love story of Pete Wentz and Ashlee Simpson is truly one for the ages, as evidenced by Pete's interview on an LA radio station yesterday. Here's how this fairytale romance began:

I was in the 'friend zone' with her for a good solid year. I spent a long time in the 'friend zone.' I'd be calling her and following her around like a puppy dog.

The first time we really hung out she flashed me.

Ashlee clarified, proudly saying that she lifted her dress over her head — but it's OK, because they were "friends with benefits." Which is probably something you shouldn't admit when you're trying to keep up the wholesome Simpson family image. What would the virginal Jessica say?

[Source]

Ashlee Simpson stopped by the Ellen DeGeneres Show to tape an appearance that will air later today, and — wouldn't you know it? — she was asked about those pesky pregnancy rumors that were likely planted by Papa Joe. Her response:

Well, that has been going on for quite a while. That is definitely something that I choose personally not to discuss except for the fact that maybe … Do I look like I had 10 cheeseburgers or something? Because I don’t think I do.

What she means is that she's not pregnant, but this is the only way to get people to pay attention to her. Expect a firm denial after her crappy album is released, when it no longer matters.

[Source]

Lionel and Nicole Richie did their best Papa Joe and Jessica Simpson impression at the ASCAP Pop Awards last night in Hollywood.

[Source]

"Industry insiders" claim that Ashlee Simpson and her pious pimp of a father, Joe, are leaking tracks from Mariah Carey's upcoming album to mitigate the effect Carey's sales will have on Ashlee's latest record, which premieres one week later. Said a source to MSNBC: "They are backed into a corner with this release date since they already changed it once. Their only option in fighting the Mariah machine would be to create a way to make the album's release less newsworthy." Bittersweet World, the awfully named record from the newly engaged Simpson, has already had its original release date shifted from late 2007 to April 22 of this year.

Pete Wentz proposed to Ashlee Simpson this weekend in Colorado, hopefully after getting permission from Papa Joe. In a rare moment of honesty, the couple came right out with a statement to confirm the news.

We know there has been a lot of speculation recently about Pete and I and we wanted our fans to be the first to know, because you guys are the best. Yes, we are thrilled to share that we are happily engaged. Thank you for all of your support and well wishes — it means the world to us. We consider this to be a very private matter, and we wanted to be the first to tell you and to hear it straight from us.

How long until they get their own reality show?

[Source]

Jamie Spears is just like us: He doesn't want to see a picture of Britney's vajayjay ever again. And to make sure the world doesn't suffer the same fate, he has taken drastic measures:

A source said: 'Jamie makes sure to ask Britney if she has underwear on before she goes out.' The singer’s assistant, Brett, also reportedly reminds the pop wreck to wear underwear and a bra.

The source added: 'Britney tries to ignore their requests, but her dad is adamant and insists she change if she’s falling out of her top.'

So Jamie has left his job behind to be in charge of making sure his 26-year-old daughter is wearing underwear. We're not sure whether to be creeped out or thankful.

[Source]

Ashlee Simpson — who seems to be popping up everywhere lately — appeared on Fuse TV's The Sauce yesterday to promote her CD. And by "CD" we mean "relationship with Pete Wentz."

The not-as-famous Simpson sister, who was sporting some decoration on her ring finger, put the "rampant" rumors to rest: She's not pregnant, and she's not engaged — Pete only gave her a promise ring.

Promise rings were cool in middle school. Perhaps they're bringing back the trend?

"It just means that he hasn't asked my dad yet," she explained. Uh, good luck with that, Pete. We hear Papa Joe can be a teensy bit jealous.

[Source]

Despite the report in OK! claiming Dallas Cowboys quarterback Tony Romo dumped Jessica Simpson, the two were spotted out in Hollywood last night catching an 80s metal band at The Key Club with hairstylist Ken Paves.

Jessica obviously had a good time, as she needed to be helped out of the club by an army of men. Not spotted was Papa Joe — perhaps he was sick?

[Source]