Martin Eisenstadt, some jackass McCain campaign strategist who went with Senator McCain and the rest of his crew to Saturday Night Live this weekend, wrote on his blog yesterday that "Joe the Plummer [sic]" was canoodling at the show's after-party with SNL's only remaining female superstar, Kristen Wiig. It sounds like a big lie, especially considering the source, a McCain crony who can't spell plumber, but here you go:
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Stuck without a Halloween costume to wear tonight? Don't panic — we have seven fool-proof ideas to impress your friends and guarantee you extra candy (or at least a few concerned looks), all inspired by some of our favorite celebrities. They're not exactly scary in the traditional sense, but these costumes are frightening nonetheless. Don't say we never do anything for you.
When you're done, feel free to guess what Whitney will be dressing up as for Halloween (Cord accidentally revealed his costume already). Winner gets a free Internet hug and pride.
And the point of this whole thing is to win. But the other point, equally important, is to look back and say, "How did I play the game? How did I do it? Did I do the things that I wanted to do? And did I do the right thing? Or am I kind of embarrassed? Do I regret that I ran that ad or did something?" The older you get, the more you're concerned about your place in history. And I'm very concerned about my place in history, and I just wouldn't do that stuff. It's not worth it.
-John McCain, friend of known liar Joe the Plumber, ACORN-baiter and McCarthyist, in an interview on the campaign trail in 2000
SNL MILKING THE CAMPAIGNS FOR ONE MORE WEEKEND "The McCain-Palin ticket just booked another trip to 30 Rock, according to sources on the inside. This Saturday, Nov. 1, Senator John McCain is said to be making an appearance on the show, the last live episode before voters hit the voting booths. Earlier, it was rumored that Senator Barack Obama, McCain's rival, would be making a Nov. 1 appearance on 'SNL.' A rep for the show issued the standard response, 'We aren’t confirming anything,' but sources inside 30 Rock and the McCain camp believe the senator is gearing up for an appearance. 'It’s really his last chance to appeal to younger voters,' says a McCain source."
Goddamn is the Republican presidential campaign getting depressing. If this video can't lead you to believe that McCain and the lady from up north are in trouble, nothing can, because you're in the tank for bomb-bomb-bombs. That said, we're still gonna do our best to convince you to otherwise.
After the jump, more signs McCain and his weak crew have given up on this POTUS thing, just like you should.
Famous country musician Sam Joe the Plumber has already ditched the people who got him to where he is, just like a proper no-talent, flash-in-the-pan prick. Good god is this ever getting depressing.
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PALIN EFFIGY REMOVED IN WEHO "An effigy of Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin has been taken down from a West Hollywood home, after the homeowner discussed the situation with the city's mayor. The mannequin hanging by a noose was part of a larger Halloween display that included an effigy of John McCain coming out of the chimney surrounded by fake flames. The display has drawn national attention and a visit from the Secret Service, which decided there was no threat. Earlier in the afternoon, neighbors covered up the Palin mannequin with sheets, in what was described as a friendly protest."
We always knew people obsessed with their pets were sort of out there, but who knew they have nutty, dog lover hallucinations? How else to explain the fact that these are the WINNERS of a nationwide search for dogs that look like Barack Obama and John McCain? Huh? Are these seeing eye dogs?
We'll give the judges the benefit of the doubt and assume that the McCain dog is grouchy and the Obama mutt barks poetry.
SLOW NEWS DAY OVER HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
News broke today that Vanity Fair and the National Security News Service are in a legal battle with the United States Navy over documents they believe prove John McCain's involvement in a car accident that injured or killed another person.
Vanity Fair magazine and the National Security News Service claim to have knowledge "developed from first-hand sources" of a car crash that involved then-Lt. McCain at the main gate of a Virginia naval base in 1964, according to legal filings. The incident has been largely, if not entirely, kept from the public. And in documents suing the Navy to release pertinent information, lawyers for the NS News Service allege that a cover-up may be at play
Yikes! But maybe not…
As this clip elegantly argues, perhaps it's time to rethink using the word "debate" to describe what's become nothing more than televised footage of candidates going over talking points.
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Elisabeth Hasselbeck was invited to introduce Sarah Palin at Florida rallies over the weekend, presumably because the McCain camp knows Lissy is the best attack dog available who still believes the nonsense the right wing has been spewing. This time around she defended Palin's wardrobe, saying it doesn't matter how much money she spends as long as she wears that tiny flag pin, the sign of a good president or vice president. This was an obvious dig at Barack Obama, who is clearly a terrorist who wants to blow up America because he chose not to wear the flag pin. Genius, this lady. The most laughable aspect of this is Elisabeth's hypocrisy, claiming that Democrats refuse to focus on the REAL ISSUES when day after day she sits on The View and spews that Bill Ayers/terrorist agenda.
Luckily, not everyone is buying this foolishness: Alaska's top newspaper, the Anchorage Daily News, has officially endorsed Obama, calling the state's governor "too risky": "Gov. Palin's nomination clearly alters the landscape for Alaskans as we survey this race for the presidency — but it does not overwhelm all other judgment. The election, after all is said and done, is not about Sarah Palin, and our sober view is that her running mate, Sen. John McCain, is the wrong choice for president at this critical time for our nation." Elisabeth, care to offer a rebuttal?
The McCain-Palin crazy brigade reached a whole new level of nuts this weekend, when a female kook in Iowa, done up to look exactly like Sarah Palin, stood directly behind John McCain during his speech and ACKNOWLEDGED APPLAUSE FROM THE AUDIENCE WHILE MCCAIN SAID NICE THINGS ABOUT HIS RUNNING MATE!!!!!
Isn't it scary how little it takes for everyone in the United States to completely lose it? Over the past few months, it feels like insanity's been spreading faster than the zombie disease in 28 Days Later.
Whoa, who knew John McCain had a brother? Has Joe McCain been hiding this entire time because he is volatile and cantankerous? Just like his brother?
One last question: Isn't this sort of exactly the plot of the Chris Farly/David Spade vehicle Black Sheep?
'MUTILATED' MCCAIN SUPPORTER ADMITS SHE'S A RACIST LIAR "A Pittsburgh police commander says a volunteer for the McCain campaign who reported being robbed and attacked near a bank ATM in Bloomfield has confessed to making up the story. Police say charges will be filed."
Does anyone else get the sense that these Weekend Update Thursdays only work because of YouTube and Hulu and the ilk? Because it's doubtful anyone watches this program on its own, but it is really convenient to have bite-size clips of it ready in the morning. Sort of like SNL itself? Discuss.
Anyway, Will Ferrell gave his promised cameo on the show last night, with a marked return of his President Bush character. It was funny! Especially when he referred to Sarah Palin and Barack Obama as "the hot lady and the Tiger Woods guy."
See for yourself, after the jump:
Reality TV losers Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag continued in their quest to make all Americans proud last night at a Hollywood art gallery. The "Lights! Camera! Election!" event was sponsored by a vodka company, which may explain why the tools got drunk and forgot that the presidential race was not all about them.
Congratulations, Speidi: You finally found something more disturbing than a McCain/Palin presidency.
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So! Heard about this Ashley Todd, the young white Texas woman who says she was mugged, beaten and mutilated by an angry black criminal/Obama nut in Pittsburgh Wednesday night? Todd, a volunteer for the McCain campaign in Pennsylvania, says a six foot four, 200 pound black guy approached her at an ATM, put a knife to her throat and demanded the $60 she had just taken out. After giving the robber the money, Todd says he then became enraged over a pro-McCain bumper sticker on her car, prompting him to kick and punch her to the ground and carve a B (for black king Barack Obama) into her face.
Strangely, the wild assailant cut the B into Todd's cheek backwards, the same way she might have if she had cut it herself while looking in a mirror. And what a gentle knife mutilation! Not only does Todd not have to bandage the wound, she refused medical attention from police.
Things get even more plausible from there.
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EVERYONE IN MEDIA HATES MCCAIN We're all in the tank: "Media coverage of John McCain has been heavily unfavorable since the political conventions, more than three times as negative as the portrayal of Barack Obama, a new study says. Fifty-seven percent of the print and broadcast stories about the Republican nominee were decidedly negative, the Project for Excellence in Journalism says in a report out today, while 14 percent were positive. The McCain campaign has repeatedly complained that the mainstream media are biased toward the senator from Illinois."
Editor
