Christina Aguilera's post-pregnancy glow subsided as the new mom celebrated an evening out last night in Hollywood. Let this be a lesson for everyone: In order to deal with babies, you need lots of alcohol.
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Christina Aguilera took a break from raising son Max to terrorize the good people of LA Saturday night at Villa. Is it too much to ask for that baby to eat her red lipstick?
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Christina Aguilera called into Ryan Seacrest's radio show this morning to complain about the stench of her new son.
Since delivering Max Liron Bratman via C-section 23 days ago, Christina says she is 'going a little stir crazy' at home even though she describes motherhood as 'an incredible thing.'
'Every week something new happens… it's constant changing and he's constantly changing and doing different things and stinky things.'
Valid point: Changing diapers is the worst. The smell is enough to make anyone gag. But does anyone really believe that Christina is the one changing those diapers?
With a recent spate of indefinite Hollywood pregnancies solidifying the numbers, it's safe to say unmentionable baby bumps are at an all-time high. With that, let's look back at the best ones ever, because that's what people do when things are popular.
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Surprising as it may be, I am not a gay man. But I must admit that this gent's face — blotchy, pale and clenched with the stress of an impending major event – is rather endearing. Now to decide whether I find the fear attractive or whether I find the responsibility in the face of fear attractive. The former is much worse.
Going on vacations and doing really touristy shit is like going to the library and reading the the New York Times. Sure, it's better than nothing, but you're missing out on the wealth of particular excitements and specific taboos to be found only in that locale.
Last time I went to Hawaii, I would start the day cliff diving into murky depths, and I would end it at an unkempt karaoke bar with my arm around meth addicts who garbled the words to "Paradise City." Save for me, everyone in the bar was from Honolulu, and there wasn't a single grass skirt in sight. And there definitely weren't any shirts that said "I'm getting lei'd tonight!"
What the fuck, dude? It looks like you're making fun of Hawaii, not enjoying it.
Despite recent rumblings that there's trouble in the blissful Aguilera household, Christina and Jordan looked as in love as ever on New Years. She looked hot (made of wax?) both during her Times Square performance and at the party afterwards, but based on their level of tan, she and her hubby live in completely different climates. I kid, they're precious. Perhaps she got him a razer for the holidays?
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Jordan Bratman's daily schedule as I imagine it:
Wake Up
Sex with wife, Christina Aguilera, one of the hottest women on earth
Think about sleeping with Christina over coffee
Work
At lunch realize don't have to work as hot wife is also filthy, filthy rich
Leave Work at 12:30
Smoke Pot
Ride Bike
Get home to have sex with Christina
Taco Night with Christina
Sex with Christina again
Sleep
Repeat
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These pictures were labeled as Christina Aguilera and her husband Jordan Bratman attending a costume party. I have yet, however, to see any other party attendees, so I'm just going to continue believing this is just any other night on the town for Christina and Jordy. I can only imagine she dresses him up like this fairly often. The woman does love herself some period-wear. At least he seems to have gotten ahold of a small stuffed duck at some point in the evening. So, well, there's that.
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• It’s probably not a great sign for Christina Aguilera when someone is so excited to see that she is not drunk for once. Hey, at least she’s not pregnant, too. [Bastardly]
• At what point are these photos of Shiloh no longer considered ‘exclusive’? I guess they always would be ‘exclusive’ in your heart if you paid millions of dollars for them. [Popbytes]
• Unfortunately, Mensa had to cancel it’s local chapter meeting when there was a scheduling conflict with the lingerie bowl press conference. [HollywoodTuna]
• Keanu Reeves wants a wife, but not as much as he wants grape nerds. [PopWatch]
• Lindsay Lohan should know better than to drink lots of soda before a long formal dinner. It’s not polite to go to the bathroom six times in two hours. [A Socialite’s Life]
• Nicole Richie continues to insist on proving how hydrated she is. I don't even need water, assholes. [Teddy and Moo]
These are a few of my favorite things: when celebrities are caught drunk, when pop stars wear see through blouses, when starlets’ boyfriends/husbands are blatantly laughing at them. And here they are all together!
Christina Aguilera is shown leaving the Ivy in LA with her husband, Jordan Bratman. Sure the Ivy has a bar, but it’s primarily a restaurant. Way to be a trooper, Christina, and get shit-faced at dinner. My kind of girl.
Maybe her eyes are so completely droopy because of the bright flashes. Yeah, sure. You can totally tell in one of the pictures that Jordan is about to lose it laughing at his drunk lady. She’s fucking tanked and those two aren’t holding hands out of love. Jordan needs to make sure that Christina is still walking behind him rather than fallen onto the ground surrounded by vulture paparazzi. Hopefully he would notice if he was dragging her across the pavement. Hopefully.
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