Larry Birkhead, explaining why he made the creepy decision to pay almost $3,000t at an auction for Anna Nicole’s old lingerie:

I have a lot of history I have to put together that [daughter Dannielynn] doesn’t really know about. … You know, it’s not something I can show today, but something down the road.

[Source]

Noted fashion photographer Nigel Barker put himself through hell at this weekend’s Kentucky Derby, where the second-place filly, Eight Belles, was euthanized after breaking both front ankles. It was a tragic ending to a tragic day that was attended by the biggest losers of Hollywood (except, of course, Nigel).

[Source]

It’s been over a year since the deaths of Anna Nicole Smith and her son, Daniel, but somehow the family remains in the news. This time, Larry Birkhead testified in the Bahamas during the inquest involving Daniel’s sudden death in September 2006.

Birkhead testified that in April 2006, Anna realized some of her Methadone was missing in her Studio City home. Birkhead said Anna had surveillance cameras in the house, checked them and found video proof that Daniel and his buddies were the culprits.

While Birkhead was under oath, he was asked about statements he made to the cops back in 2006, when he was at war with Anna. He had told police he saw Howard K. Stern smoke pot with Anna and Daniel. During his testimony, Birkhead said he was not completely clear on what he saw.

Birkhead said Daniel’s personality completely changed between January 2006 and May. He saw Daniel throw a TV through a window. Daniel often stayed out all night long and Anna was worried.

Larry then went on to pose with baby Danielynn on the witness stand and sold the pictures to OK! magazine.

[Source]

Friday was the anniversary of Anna Nicole Smith’s death, and her hangers-on are still finding ways to sell her out. It’s like looking into the future, except instead of Larry Birkhead it’s Kevin Federline, and instead of Howard K. Stern it’s Sam Lutfi.

Anna’s former bodyguard, Big Moe, is the latest to give his story and share new “shocking” details, like the fact that Larry Birkhead is probably gay. Duh.

‘Because of how Larry looked, she figured, oh my child would look great,’ Big Moe told Access Hollywood’s Tony Potts. ‘Blonde hair, blue eyes, you know, “Go great with me and my baby will come out beautiful.”‘

‘So basically, from what she told you and what you’re telling me is that Anna looked at Larry as a sperm donor to get a really beautiful child?’ Tony asked.

‘That’s it,’ Big Moe said.

Big Moe also claims Anna told him that due to his ‘lifestyle’ there would be no strings attached.

‘What’s his lifestyle?’ Tony asked.

‘Well, she told me that, you know, he was a homosexual,’ Big Moe said. ‘She knew deep down that he didn’t want to be with her.’

Look, we’re not doubting that Larry plays for the other team, but just because a guy didn’t want to touch Anna Nicole with a 10-foot pole doesn’t mean he’s gay.

[Source]

A year ago today, Anna Nicole Smith died. And what better way to acknowledge the anniversary of her death than with an all-caps ploy for media attention?

Larry Birkhead posted this moving desperate message on his Web site:

I LOVE YOU AND HOPE YOU ARE PROUD OF OUR BEAUTIFUL BABY GIRL. PLEASE WATCH OVER US AND GUIDE US ON OUR JOURNEY THROUGH LIFE. WE MISS YOU.

2-8-07

LOVE,

LARRY AND DANNIELYNN

[Source]

As if life won’t be difficult enough for hard-won meal ticket Dannielynn Birkhead, now comes news that she’s cross-eyed, and her father, Lawrence Birkhead, is wary of corrective surgery.

“I’m going to do everything to make sure that it’s corrected,” says Birkhead, “but having lost Anna and [her son] Daniel and my dad – my dad just came out of a simple surgery and he died – it’s just tough for me to think about surgeries with [Dannielynn].”

How did her eyes even get like that? Not, swears Larry, through any fault of Dannielynn’s pill-popping late mother, Anna Nicole Smith. “…I point-blank [asked] every single doctor, ‘Could any medications that Anna was on have caused this?’” said the too-blond man, “And they said that it’s more likely that a genetic reason could have caused it.”

We suppose that’s good news, but perhaps Larry was barking up the wrong vice:

CONTINUED »

• American Bingo Calling Idol. [Yeeeah]

• Enhanced lips, enhanced breasts, enhanced nose, terrible life. [DListed]

• Top photos of 2007. So much Britney! [PS]

• Boy do we hope Dannielynn Birkhead isn’t really damaged from her mother’s drug abuse. [INO]

• Rosie O’Donnell won the title of most annoying celebrity! She immediately took to her blog to be annoying about people finding her annoying. Stop hitting yourself! [ICYDK]

• Lots of plastic surgery in ‘07. Good for them. [CityRag]

• Things in Pakistan are still very bad. In 2008, it’s likely they won’t get much better. [NYT]

In an effort to bolster the ever-assailed decorum of the Internet, Mollygood looks to poetry with Someone Haiku. Each day – using 17 syllables or less – you’re given the opportunity to wax poetic about some piece of flotsam or jetsam that’s washed up on the shores of Mollygood. Hopefully this Zen practice will not only bathe you in self-discovery, but also bring a touch of Eastern class to a global network of information that’s devolved into nothing more than tit websites and provocative MySpace pictures.

Today’s Someone Haiku winner is deimos:

already killed and
tortured music why not kill
tv shows as well

Well done, everyone.

New one under here.

CONTINUED »

Just in time for Dannielynn Birkhead’s first birthday, further evidence surfaces suggesting that her father, Larry Birkhead, might not always have her best interests in mind. To be sure, deciding to impregnate a self-destructive, zonked-out husk like Anna Nicole Smith like he did proves that he didn’t have the baby’s best interests in mind from her genesis, but new testimony from his former bodyguard claims it’s worse than you think:

“Larry and I went to Nassau for over a week in January of this year. One day he said he wanted to go to Daniel’s grave, ostensibly to pay tribute to him on his birthday. But it turned out he had another idea. He said, ‘We’re going to meet two guys from Splash [Photo Agency].’

“They had arranged to wait in some bushes at the cemetery. They took pictures of Larry pretending to be sad and emotional at the grave site. Only the Splash guys weren’t quite satisfied, so they asked him to do it again, and for me to get out of the picture. We did three takes. That was the first sign to me that Larry was in it for the money.”

After three takes, that should have been the third sign, guy.

[Source]

Larry Birkhead appeared on Larry King Live last night to address the allegations that he and the more ghoulish of the Howard Sterns were once lovers, he also vehemently denied that there is video evidence attesting to a tryst. Of Rita Cosby’s book, Blonde Ambition: The Untold Story Behind Anna Nicole Smith’s Death, the wellspring of the accusations, Birkhead twangs out that it should be “sittin’ next to Harry Potter in the fiction aisle.” Damning!

While we’re not quick to take sides on such a foreign and trivial matter, we will say that we’ve never known Rita Cosby to be a liar. Cliff raised her better than that.

[Source]

Welp, it’s getting weirder:

An explosive tell-all book about Anna Nicole Smith’s sad demise alleges the two men who battled for custody of her baby girl and control of her fortune were gay lovers.

The bombshell allegations about the steamy relationship between the former Playboy Playmate’s longtime companion Howard K. Stern and her baby’s biological father, Larry Birkhead, come to light in “Blonde Ambition: The Untold Story Behind Anna Nicole Smith’s Death.”

And it gets better…

CONTINUED »

The gravy train carrying litigious salon-goer (like, even more than chicks, I bet) Larry Birkhead came to an abrupt halt recently, when OK! magazine severed ties with the famous father amid rumors of Birkhead’s underhanded custody dealings with supposed foe Howard K Stern.

“My biggest fear is that Larry and Howard may have tricked us all,” editor Sarah Ivens said in a statement yesterday. It is strongly rumored that “Blonde Ambition,” written by Rita Cosby, will indicate the two men, who both claimed to father the baby, struck a backroom deal.

“The newly obtained allegations are detailed, shocking and potentially incriminating,” the magazine’s publicist said.

Sorry, Ivens, but if you’re just now learning that Larry Birkhead and Howard K Stern (and Anna Nicole Smith, for that matter) “tricked us all,” you deserved to get duped.

[Source]

The 2007 Teen Choice Awards aired last evening on Fox, and for some odd reason, Larry Birkhead was invited. (Choice Litigious Ex-Lover of a Late Junkie?) As usual, this annual recognition of mediocrity stood as a rock solid reminder of why teenagers aren’t allowed to make very important decisions.

Winners and photos after the jump.

CONTINUED »

Pretty sure you shouldn’t carry the baby like that, bud. I’m also pretty sure you shouldn’t rely on tucking your chin into your chest like you’re folding a beach towel when supporting the weight of a living being.

Think there’s anyvway we could seize Dannielynn before she can remember anything and put her in the charge of some loving parents in a quaint Ohio town? Somewhere where she would never have to know her mother was a drug-addled gold digger and she could concentrate on her schoolwork. It would be great publicity for the idea that a healthy respect for competent authority and a college education are sometimes far more beneficial to children than being raised by their “real daddy,” regardless of what they say on Maury.

CONTINUED »

• “I went all the way to Paris and all I brought back was this crappy case of TB.” Doesn’t the infected clown look exactly like the “dreamboat” from The Office? [BWE]

• Just when you were forgetting the name Birkhead. [DListed]

• They have big breasted idiots in England, also. [HT]

• Becks wasn’t always handsome. [ICYDK]

• Danny Bonaduce behaving just as you’d expect. [Yeeeah]

• I bet this guy says “over yonder.” [CityRag]

• Happy birthday, Suri Cruise. Only three more years until the indoctrination really starts to sink in! [NYDN]

• No, Posh, hourglass figure is attractive. Hourglass cleavage is weird. [HT]

• It would have been too easy if it ended with the DNA test. Now Birkhead’s gay. [Yeeeah]

• Upskirts with panties are 12.8 percent less trashy. [CityRag]

• Christina Ricci needs a babysitter to tell her not to buy any more furs. That’s not a joke, and there should go your crush on her. [ICYDK]

• Coney Island perfume smells like the bearded lady! Mmmmmm. [Jossip]

• Ryan Phillippe and Deacon. Clergy names for babies are odd. [PopSugar]

• CHA-fucking-CHING! Let the flashbulb holocaust begin! [ICYDK]

• Angelina used to be in a gang called the “Kissy Girls” that would go around and give boys “cooties.” While Angelina’s left those wild times far behind, sources say that, these days, the Kissy Girls remain the pussiest crew in Sing Sing. [DListed]

• Put out your torches and lower your rifles, Cowell says he just wasn’t listening. [TMZ]

• Men in heels? That sounds even worse than Men in Trees. [ASL]

• In Touch proves they’re slightly out of touch by giving only about 80 percent of their cover to VA Tech (”What? We had to give Brangelina their due!”) [Jossip]

• Chris Rock being a stand-up, possibly illegitimate father. [INO]

• Heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere’s, Orwell! [NYT]