Yeah, I'm still watching The Hills. Despite telling everyone it's for work, I know I am completely addicted. It gets worse — and less realistic — by the episode, which sends me into a blind rage in which I am forced to remind myself that my time would be better spent watching milk curdle, but I always come back for more.
So on last night's episode, Heidi's sister Holly (whom Spencer kicked out of the couple's apartment) decided to crash at Lauren and Lo's house after Audrina moved out. Shocking, right? Except a few of our genius readers totally predicted it. But I couldn't even let my mind shut off during the episode because I was so damn confused by the timeline. CONTINUED »
Good news, everyone! The Hills is coming back for a fifth season! Audrina Patridge confirmed the information to People, and if you're not sold on even more episodes of the "reality" show, just listen to her riveting argument:
At one point, all of us were like, 'No, we don't want to do another season.' I wanted to do more movies, and Whitney moved to New York and she's doing her own spin-off. … We have fun with each other and we've stuck it out this long. We might as well do another one.
Look, nobody loves The Hills more than I do, but even I can admit that it's time to throw in the towel. Nobody cares anymore and the girls are clearly starting to hate each other. This is only going to end badly.
[Source]
• The many faces of drunk Christina Aguilera, red lipstick included. [CityRag]
• All Angelina Jolie comments aside, Jennifer Aniston's Vogue interview is a fairly good read. [PS]
• OMG you guys! Joe Jonas has a new girlfriend! Squeee! [Yeeeah]
• Jesse Metcalfe recovered from his Monaco fall just in time to be photographed in a wheelchair by the paparazzi. Stay strong, Jess. [DListed]
• Adam Sandler's a father (again). [ICYDK]
• Lauren Conrad's former Hills flame is creeping down the Hollywood ladder, as all good famewhores eventually do. [INO]
It's now time for another break from politics (yes, even on Election Day) to discuss something far more important: The Hills. For all five of you who watched last night, you witnessed Heidi Montag drinking excessively on the job and later getting fired. It was a beautiful moment — or it would have been, if any of it were authentic.
Look, I'm not asking for much here. I get that most of the conversations are rehashing things that already happened, thus not exactly being true to real life, but this whole deal about Heidi's "job" at Bolthouse has been a complete sham from the very begining. I read an interview with a producer once about how the show would take a completely different direction if they showed the girls' "famous" lives — Lauren designing her clothing line, the girls making club appearances, Heidi "singing" — but it's hard to be invested in something you know is completely and utterly fake.
Why not just not show Heidi working (heck, that's what they do with Spencer)? Or, better yet, why not just write those two losers off the show? Actually — and trust me, it pains me to say this — it's probably time to pack it up and call it a day with The Hills. It's reached a point where the girls' celebrity status is making it impossible for the show to bear any semblance of a real life. It makes watching the show feel more like a chore than entertainment, and that's never a good thing.
See you in the unemployment line, Heidi. Be sure to call the paps.
Every week, a bunch of “real” people say really stupid things on reality TV. These are their stories.
10. "Elina, Annaleigh and Majorie, they had, like, a lesbian bath moment, apparently. … It was very loud." — Samantha, America's Next Top Model
David Letterman's disdain for the guests his job requires him to interview is becoming less and less subtle, and it's an absolutely glorious thing to behold.
After the jump, watch as Letterman uses Hills star Lauren Conrad's promotional rambling to sell his book and presents her with the theory that maybe she's the reason people hate her. The host also takes some time to go off on LC's mortal enemy, Spencer Pratt. Enjoy.
CONTINUED »
Whitney Port, one of the few Hills characters who doesn't make us want to commit violent acts of rage but has a penchant for saying "OMG" entirely too much, has left the incestuous pool of LA for the incestuous pool of NYC to pursue a career in fashion and suffer from boy drama. Yeah, same premise as The Hills, just way less interesting. We can't decide if this is Whitney's fault or if Lauren Conrad's show just wore us out the first time around. Either way, we're over it. But we'll totally be watching.
On a side note, we kind of love Whit's new friend (roommate?) who delivers the line about an invisible tattoo on her forehead that says "Make out with me," and only guys who live on futons can read it. Love her.
• Who wants to look like Victoria Beckham? Anyone? … Anyone? [ICYDK]
• What cats do while their owners are sleeping. [CityRag]
• Britney Spears doesn't have to shave her armpits, but she also doesn't have to raise her arms over her head in front of photographers. [Yeeeah]
• The Brangelina army will be adding more soldiers in the near future. [DListed]
• Heath Ledger's ex Michelle Williams steps out with her new boyfriend, Spike Jonze. Good for her. [INO]
• Audrina Patridge seems to have forgiven ex Justin Bobby for "hooking up" (but not really) with her former BFF Lauren Conrad. Naturally, she's still pissed at LC. [PS]
[Source]
The Hills frenemies Lauren Conrad and Heidi Montag were spotted hugging last night at a Los Angeles restaurant, sending the staffers at Us Weekly into an "OMG they're totally friends again!" frenzy.
Conrad was in the restaurant celebrating her runway show at Los Angeles fashion week with family and close friends. Meanwhile Montag and beau Spencer Pratt were at the bar eating dinner.
After spotting Conrad, Montag was seen asking if she could congratulate Conrad on her clothing line. And after a brief heart to heart, the two girls were seen hugging. They were both smiling and seemed happy to be talking.
Wait, that was it? There was no big public declaration of friendship? No tears? No press releases? We'd call what just happened maturity. Not the same as a reconciliation.
Side note: Remember when Heidi used to look like that?
[Source]
• There's nothing better than LOLCats. [CityRag]
• Lauren, Lo and Audrina all went to an LA nightclub together. This might be exciting for all two of you who have been keeping up with the LC-Audrina feud. [ICYDK]
• Hugh Hefner's new girlfriends have a criminal past. Raise your hand if you're surprised. [DListed]
• Eva Mendes has some harsh words for Jennifer Lopez. J.Lo's going to be pissed. [INO]
• Britney Spears makes us sad when she says things like this: "You’re guarded. You have to be that way, so I’m kind of stuck in this place and it’s like: How do you deal? And you just cope, and that’s what I do. I just cope with it, every day." [Yeeeah]
• Don't worry, everyone: Leonardo DiCaprio's might have saved his relationship with Bar Rafaeli. Because Leo being back on the market would just be terrible. [PS]
We would like to start out by apologizing to Ted Casablanca for insinuating that he made up a ridiculous rumor about Lauren Conrad hooking up with former BFF Audrina Patridge's on-again hobo boyfriend Justin Bobby. Turns out Ted didn't start the fire — it was Spencer Pratt. We should have seen that one coming.
On Friday we blew off the entire story, insisting that it was so ridiculous nobody could take it seriously. Soon after, both Audrina and Lauren issued statements — Audrina claiming that she's "not sure what to believe" and "these rumors are very confusing and hurtful" while Lauren insisted she would "never hurt a friend like that." For the record, we believe Lauren. No way would she hook up with JB.
Lauren also went on to confirm that Spencer was likely behind the story — much like he was behind her nonexistent sex tape from last year: "Hmmmmmm. I wonder who it could be? I'm baffled….What kind of person would enjoy watching blogs and the press tear me apart?" Naturally, Spencer had something to say. And it was delusional and ugly. CONTINUED »
Time to distract ourselves from the sad state of America yet again: There's a Hills love triangle! Way more important than that stupid bailout.
So Audrina moved out of the house she shared with Lauren and Lo, and nobody really knew why, but A and LC insisted they were still on good terms. Enter Ted Casablanca, quite possibly the world's worst gossip, who decided to spin a tale of Audrina and Lauren fighting over the same man. Believable enough … until he decided to make the Casanova none other than Justin Bobby, the knowledgeable hobo who occasionally creeps onto the show and pretends to like Audrina for some camera time. We love him because he regularly spits out nuggets of wisdom like, "Truth and time tells all." Lauren, however, does not enjoy him.
Ted, who is much like a child making up a bedtime story, said that Lauren and Justin Bobby hooked up behind Audrina's back, but JB later spilled the beans while LC denied it. Don't believe Ted? Here's proof: The girls removed each other from their MySpace top friends. Gasp!
Oh wait, hold the phone: Ted just changed his mind: CONTINUED »
Audrina Patridge, the Hills hanger-on whose eyes are constantly looking up in the sky, is reportedly moving out of the house she shares with co-stars Lauren Conrad and Lo Bosworth — moving trucks were even spotted in front of her guest house Thursday. Rumors started flying that MTV planned to give Audrina a spin-off in light of news she was cast in the upcoming horror flick Sorority Row, but thankfully those were untrue.
But this still leaves us with an empty guesthouse in The Hills' main residence, so we've decided to play a game: Who should take Audrina's place? (Our votes: Justin Bobby or Kelly Cutrone.)
[Source]
Last night on The Hills, the Chucky doll-ish Spencer Pratt schooled viewers on how to be a functioning adult who behaves appropriately. Upon hearing that his girlfriend/robot's sister, Holly, wants to spend time with mortal enemy Lauren Conrad, Spencer gives a death glare and then pulls out the "As long as you're living under my roof…" argument, complete with his big word of the day, "fraternizing." He also shows off his fantastic passive-aggressiveness with a sarcastic comment about how Lauren is "really cool." When none of those tactics work, he stomps off to throw a tantrum in his room. Well played, Spence. Well played. (Scene at 0:45.)
• It's funny cause it's true. [Yeeeah]
• Lauren Conrad is going to be an author, because if there's anyone qualified to write a young adult novel, it's her. [PS]
• Janet Jackson's tour wardrobe. Umm, no. [ICYDK]
• Nobody needs to see up Jessica Simpson's skirt. [HT]
• Ellen DeGeneres uninvited over 100 people to her wedding. Ouch. [INO]
• Tara Reid is engaged. Poor guy. [DListed]
There was definite funny business going on last night at some video game launch party in Hollywood: Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag showed up, along with her sister Holly and Lauren Conrad's ex Doug Reinhardt. This is mildly scandalous because, upon breaking up with Lauren, Doug went out on a date with Spencer's sister Stephanie (which went over like a lead balloon when Lauren found out). Little Dougy seems to fit right in with the Hills cast and their high school drama, but someone forgot to tell Holly that it's all fake:
Yeah, we came together. We are just, you know, hanging out.
Translation: OMG do you think he likes me?!?! He's soooo cute!! I'm going to act coy but OMG YOU GUYS I totally think we're going to get married!
Unfortunately, Doug quickly shot down her hopes:
There are no romantic sparks. She is a great girl.
Translation: I am repulsed by her but would like more screen time on upcoming episodes of The Hills. Also, I'm available for autographs after the event.
[Source]
Last night's episode of The Hills was educational once again thanks to Professor Spencer Pratt, who utilized his few minutes on America's television screens to show men how to romance the ladies. First, take your woman to a fancy restaurant and start off the conversation with a discussion of your enemy (bonus points if said "enemy" is the result of a childish one-sided feud). Then threaten your girlfriend if she attempts to mingle with an acquaintance who is not of your liking. For the grand finale, take a peek at your watch and utter the affectionate words every woman wants to hear, whether or not she's finished with her dinner: "Time to get in bed and cuddle, my dear." Because if there's one thing women enjoy, it's being told what to do.
Spencer Pratt entertained us yet again on last night's episode of The Hills with a thought-provoking speech on foreign relations and family values. Frustrated that his sister, Stephanie, is still "rolling around with LC," Spence declared that he wished he could make her his un-sister and then shot down Steph's hopes that one day everyone would just be civil: "It's like trying to tell Iran and Israel to get along. Its not gonna happen." … We're not even going to touch that statement.
Editor
