Saturday Night Live has chosen Michael Phelps to host the season opener on Sept. 13 with rapper (and Phelps favorite) Lil Wayne. We're not going to argue, because this means a) we can enjoy Michael on our television sets once again and b) he will be in NYC … but really? Michael Phelps? This has the potential to be the most awkward 90 minutes of television we've seen in a long time.

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Shiny cough syrup abuser Lil Wayne's new record, Tha Carter III, has sold one million copies in its first week out. It's the first album since 50 Cent's 2005 LP The Massacre to move a million units in just seven days. This is also the quickest Lil Wayne has ever come into so much money for buying cocaine. Congrats on having a life sans consequences, Weezy.

Lil' Wayne, encouraging kids everywhere to just say no:

I don’t do too many [drugs]; I just smoke weed and drink sip. But I’ll never f–k with no more coke. It’s not about a bad high, it’s just about the acne: Cocaine makes your face break out, and I’m a pretty boy.

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Dreadlocked rhymesayer Lil Wayne was busted in Arizona for possessing massive amounts of drugs, including: 105 grams of marijuana, 29 grams of cocaine and an "unspecified amount" of ecstasy. He's also facing paraphernalia charges, but who cares: 29 GRAMS OF COKE!

Shame on Weezy, but those crazy face tats sure do make for a phenomenal mugshot.

• HA! Why are losers who take their jewelry seriously always the ones who want the most respect? [SH]

• Best rumor of the day. [DListed]

• Remember when the black guy called the gay guy the f-word and everyone was all, "Fire him!"? Barely, right? Well, that was this year. [PS]

• This moron! [HT]

• Not fat, pregnant. [ICYDK]

• Another purse that looks like many purses before it. Wow! [INO]

• Madonna raises her children to be healthy and not materialistic. Let her have it with your contempt! [Yeeeah]

• Santa is scary. [CityRag]