When was the last time you were forced to read a bad pun in Page Six regarding oil billion-heir (see?) Brandon Davis and the amount of shiny grease in his hair? Get it, because he's got oil money, and his hair is oily. Oy vey.
You might not be so happy at first to see Davis' name in print: He's pretty much disappeared after calling Lindsay Lohan a fire-crotch, but then you realize that he's only being mentioned because of his recent string of bad luck and insane debt, and your Monday just started out a little better, right?
It was a busy weekend in the life of Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson. The inseparable duo gallivanted around Paris, taking in the sights, enjoying the nightlife and being pelted by PETA-approved flour bombs. As you do.
Evidently some crazed French animal rights activist got all up in arms over a fur stole that Lindsay was sporting at a Paris nightclub, so she threw a bag of flour at the "actress" before running off down the sidewalk, Napoleon Dynamite-style. (You can watch the video here.)
Not to worry, though: Sam retaliated in the most effective way possible, by blogging about the incident on MySpace. Full rant after the jump. CONTINUED »
LOHAN ON OBAMA • "It's an amazing feeling, y'know? It's our first colored president."
Lindsay Lohan appears in the upcoming December issue of Harper's Bazaar to clear up all that talk about lesbianism and Samantha Ronson. Except — surprise! — nothing gets cleared up whatsoever.
When asked if she's been with a girl before, she answers: "I don't know. Maybe." When asked if she's bisexual, she answers: "Maybe." When asked if she's a lesbian, she answers: "No."
Harper's Bazaar neglected to print the final question, which was, "Are you a pathetic, attention-seeking famewhore?" to which she answered, "Yes."
[Source]
• Joe Scarborough accidentally dropped the f-bomb live on the air this morning. Housewives across America are traumatized, or something. [DListed]
• Angelina Jolie: Still better at life than the rest of us. [ICYDK]
• Because everyone needs an extensive knowledge of Britney Spears' tattoos. [CityRag]
• Lindsay Lohan celebrated the holiday launch of her leggings line by not wearing leggings for the first time in years. [PS]
• Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel continue to look like miserable human beings. [INO]
• Sienna Miller and Balthazar Getty have officially broken up. We can't imagine what could have possibly gone wrong. [Yeeeah]
• A live feed of puppies playing and sleeping in a box. It's one of the most adorable things we've ever seen. [DListed]
• Lisa Rinna admits to having too much work done on her face. Get out of town! Really? [INO]
• Helloooo Kate Hudson's brother. [ICYDK]
• Since when did Paris Hilton start morphing into Rebecca Romijn? [PS]
• An airline passenger was duct-taped to her seat after slapping a flight attendant on the rear and pulling a blind person's hair. Amy Winehouse? Is that you? [Yeeeah]
• Some bizarre photos of Lindsay Lohan from who knows when. [HT]
It's been barely a week since news broke that Lindsay Lohan's guest stint on Ugly Betty was cut short due to drama on the set, and now she has another botched job on her hands: She's been cut from hosting the World Music Awards in Monaco next weekend.
Apparently the walking disaster hosted the WMAs in 2006, when she proceeded to screw up her lines and call Beyonce to the stage while the singer was still getting her hair done. The producers had a mild case of amnesia and decided the "actress" was so "hot" at the moment that she would be the perfect host. They called in former Desperate Housewives tool Jesse Metcalfe for backup, but LiLo threw a fit because the spotlight wouldn't be totally on her.
In the end, "it was decided by both parties it was better if she pulled out," which means the producers wised up and Lindsay pouted and acted like she didn't want to host the awards in the first place.
Her replacement? Denise Richards. Yeah, that's a step up.
[Source]
Sometime Lindsay Lohan lady friend and current Tila Tequila girlfriend Courtenay Semel is the daughter of former Yahoo chief Terry Semel. She is also, as some have described her, a vicious fame-seeking lass. So it makes sense she's being sued by security guard Jaroslaw Jarczok, of Las Vegas' Pure nightclub, who alleges she punched him in the face while drunk and screamed the most awesome line ever:
• Some classy lady found herself desperate enough to marry Corey Haim. [DListed]
• Michael Jackson doesn't need a costume for Halloween. [INO]
• Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson take the subway. They're still not at all like us. [PS]
• These photos of Rachel Bilson and her dog are so cute they may be able to end the war in Iraq. [HT]
• Mariah Carey is a beauty school dropout. That explains a lot. [ICYDK]
• Angelina Jolie may be jealous of Diane Kruger, Brad Pitt's newest co-star. Because that makes sense. [Yeeeah]
Someone incredibly desperate to keep her name in the headlines concocted one of the most absurd stories we've heard in a long time: Britney Spears, Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan are in talks to star in a sitcom together. Ha! This is amazing.
Sources say HBO is on board with this "cross between Friends and Ugly Betty," which will feature the trio as "flatmates struggling to make it big in Hollywood." Wait! It gets better:
Paris will play a fashion designer who will try anything to get her outfits noticed. Britney's character is an aspiring singer, but her unusual song lyrics stop her from hitting the big time. Lindsay will be a little like Joey from Friends.
An anonymous source (of course), says the chemistry among the girls is "electric," and Extras star Ricky Gervais and Desperate Housewives creator Mark Cherry are in talks to write the script.
OK, so back to reality: This clearly isn't happening, so who leaked this story to the press? It's unwise for any of these girls to want to be involved with the others, but we have a bad feeling it's coming from the camp of the most desperate starlet of all: Lilo. Out of the three, she clearly needs this. Well, not as much as she needs rehab and a new family, but that's beside the point.
[Source]
Time for another fun round of "Guess That Bleep." In today's New York Post, Samantha Ronson, Lindsay Lohan's lover, says Girls Gone Wild founder Joe Francis is "one of the more disgusting human beings in the world because of what he does … He's a [bleep]bag."
The guy certainly is a bag of something, but what? Our vote: "He's a mommy issues-bag." What do you think?
MICHAEL LOHAN TRYING TO GET BACK INTO CASH COW'S GOOD GRACES "Lindsay Lohan’s estranged father, Michael, feels bad about criticizing her girlfriend, Samantha Ronson. 'I definitely regret all the things I said about Samantha. … I'm a Christian. I should not pass judgment on anyone.'"
'BETTY' FIRING WAS FINAL NAIL IN LOHAN CAREER COFFIN "Lindsay Lohan’s professional life is only getting uglier, so to speak, since news broke that Lohan’s stint on 'Ugly Betty' is being cut short because of tension on the set. According to multiple sources, after 'Betty,' Lohan doesn’t have any lucrative projects lined up, and she’s not on the short list for any roles, either. 'It’s over for Lindsay,' said one well-placed Lohan source. 'She’s got no film work, after this (‘Ugly Betty’ news) she’s not going to land TV jobs; I hear she’s tried to get on ‘Dancing With the Stars’ and can’t.'" (emphasis ours)
DIVA-ISH LOHAN'S 'BETTY' GIG AXED EARLY "It got so ugly on the set of 'Ugly Betty' between Lindsay Lohan and the popular ABC show's star, America Ferrera, that Lohan was cut from an agreed-upon six episodes to four. One production source said, 'It was a mess.' … One episode, titled 'Granny Pants,' was about how Lohan, playing Betty's high school nemesis, would 'de-pants' Ferrera. But Ferrera exacts her revenge and pulls down Lohan's pants instead. 'Lindsay wasn't wearing any underwear,' the source said. But a Lohan pal fumed, 'Bullshit! Lindsay wears underwear all the time now. She was wearing a G-string. And it was America's fault. They were rehearsing the scene and America wasn't supposed to pull Lindsay's pants down - but she did. Lindsay was so embarrassed, she started crying.' … The pal blames Ferrera for any issues, saying, 'America was mean to Lindsay. Producers give her too much power. Lindsay didn't do the last two episodes because America didn't like her and got her kicked off.'"
• First the Spears girls, now beauty pageant queens: Louisiana continues to crank out winners. [Yeeeah]
• Paris Hilton is concerned that Pink thinks she's stupid. Does she understand that the rest of America agrees with Pink? [INO]
• We have no idea who this girl is, but she's wasted and fascinating. [DListed]
• Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson's relationship is outed yet again — this time by Sam's mom. [PS]
• Britney Spears' Halloween plans: "She’s thinking of going as herself but back in her shaven head days. She’s genuinely horrified when she looks back at those times so she figures that look would be a great costume for Halloween." [ICYDK]
• Speaking of Brit: Now you, too, can dance like her in three easy steps! [CityRag]
LOHAN'S PAST BACK TO HAUNT HER "A wild ride that led to Lindsay Lohan's arrest has sparked another lawsuit. Court records show that three men who claim they were in a sport utility vehicle that Lohan commandeered in July 2007 sued the 'Mean Girls' star last week. Their allegations include battery, false imprisonment and that the actress was negligent when she allegedly took over one of the men's SUV to chase her recently fired assistant. … The men are seeking more than $25,000."
• Guy Ritchie is slowly going crazy. Marrying Madonna will do that to you. [DListed]
• Lindsay Lohan has now set her sights on Chace Crawford. Wait, what happened to being a lesbian? [INO]
• A look at Hollywood's toothy kissers. [CityRag]
• Mary-Kate Olsen got in a minor fender bender. No tiny trolls were injured in the process. [PS]
• Tom Cruise has officially turned Katie Holmes into himself. [ICYDK]
• Faith Hill should never look this good in a bikini. [Yeeeah]
• Clay Aiken takes the best pictures. [ICYDK]
• Lindsay Lohan feels like a caged animal. Uh, she's just now figuring this out? [PS]
• Kristin Cavallari is practicing karate so she can stay in shape for her illustrious career. [HT]
• Christina Aguilera and Paris Hilton sink their claws into Prince William. [DListed]
• Christie Brinkley's ex Peter Cook has a sex tape. Doesn't everybody? [Yeeeah]
• Bruce Willis is planning to marry a baby Demi Moore. [INO]
[Source]
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