• What really matters in this presidential election: The ability to grow a beautiful mullet. [CityRag]

• Britney Spears shows some self-awareness: "My father saved my life. I probably wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for him." [INO]

• Dog the Bounty Hunter or his wife Beth: Who would you rather do? [DListed]

• Oh, phew. Christina Aguilera's red lipstick is back. [PS]

• Madonna's tour minions are threatening to quit. At least Madge still has her crotch. [Yeeeah]

• Spencer Pratt's problem with John McCain: "Not picking Heidi for the vice president. It’s just cold." [ICYDK]

MCCAIN CAMPAIGN SORTA PEEVED ABOUT HITLER COMPARISON "John McCain's campaign hit back at Madonna on Sunday after the pop diva kicked off her world tour with a concert that bracketed the US presidential candidate with Adolf Hitler. McCain campaign spokesman Tucker Bounds angrily condemned the segment of Madonna's concert in Cardiff on Saturday that appeared to draw a comparison between McCain, Hitler and Zimbabwean strongman Robert Mugabe. 'The comparisons are outrageous, unacceptable and crudely divisive all at the same time,' Bounds said in a statement reported by Fox News. … Madonna's apparent swipe at McCain came during a performance of the song 'Get Stupid', when the Republican contender's image was flashed up alongside images of destruction and global warming as well as Hitler and Mugabe."

Heidi Montag chose the monstrosity "Overdosin" to be her newest video-worthy single, but unfortunately she and Spencer Pratt actually put some money into this production. That means no flopping around awkwardly on a random beach — but not to worry, because this video is sure to be just as offensive.

Also: It's good to see Heidi has been taking dance lessons from Madonna. As Madge says, you can never have too much crotch.

Now, usually we love multimedia art and progressive politics, but leave it up to increasingly annoying legend Madonna to combine the two in such a ham-handed, pointy-breasted way that it makes us shake our heads, sigh and reconsider our views on censorship.

Madonna, who turned 50 this month, kicked off her Sticky & Sweet Tour on Saturday night at Millennium Stadium in Cardiff, Wales. The BBC reported that the two-hour show took a political turn when, in a lead-in to a remixed version of “Like a Prayer,” a video sequence showed flashing images of destruction followed by pictures of Hitler, Robert Mugabe of Zimbabwe and then Senator John McCain.

Later, footage of Barack Obama was interspersed among images of Gandhi and John Lennon.

Madonna kicked off her Sticky and Sweet world tour over the weekend, and, as expected, the show was filled with crotch shots and ill-advised outfit choices. We're not sure what her obsession is with constantly showing off her lady business, but maybe by the time the tour's over we will have figured it out.

[Source]

DEMS THROW PARTY OF THE YEAR; GOP NOT INVITED "Celebrities may be scarce at the Republican convention come September, but the Democrats have so many clamoring to get into their convention in Denver the week before, it's like the Vanity Fair Oscar party. George Clooney, Madonna, Kanye West, Scarlett Johansson, Susan Sarandon, Spike Lee, Quentin Tarantino and Matt Damon are just a few of the stars who want to be there … The Republicans have even engaged top William Morris agent Jeffrey Barry to try to wrangle country western stars to trek to the Twin Cities, a political source tells us. He's garnered 'Redneck Woman' singer Gretchen Wilson, the source adds, but Barry wouldn't answer questions about whether he's rounded up more."

We've heard way too much about Madonna lately thanks to her sell-out brother, Chris Ciccone, so we can't help but cringe a little upon seeing the watermelon-loving singer. But all gross stories aside, Madge looked really beautiful over the weekend as she celebrated her 50th birthday (although, to be fair, she should look that good with as much money as she has).

[Source]

BENEVOLENT PHILANDERING "Something good may come out of Madonna's liaison with Alex Rodriguez. The Yankee slugger is making a big donation to the icon's charity, Raising Malawi, a source tells us. 'They've asked him for a million dollars, and I hear he's agreed to give at least $500,000,' the source confided."

Whoa! We knew Christopher Ciccone and sister Madonna were once close, but Ciccone, who recently released a tell-all book about the singer, takes to the blogosphere to dispense some information that’s definitely too much: When Madge used to have problems with her voice, she would call a man named Johnny and … honestly, I can't repeat it.

Click through for the uncomfortable details.

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Spoiler alert: Sketches have been released featuring costumes for Madonna's upcoming world tour. The good news: They all actually qualify as outfits — albeit tacky outfits. The bad news: She's going to look like The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come for a portion of the show. With her lovely not-at-all-surgically-altered face, that's going to be a great visual.

• We need to print this drunken celebrity collage so we can frame it to hang in the living room. [CityRag]

• The cast of Grey's Anatomy is back to filming. That includes Katherine Heigl, unfortunately. [PS]

• The models who hand out the Emmy Awards will be clothed in Lauren Conrad's line. This has officially gotten out of hand. [INO]

• Two girls kissing has lost its shock value thanks to Madonna and Britney (not to mention drunken college girls), but we give Aubrey O'Day an A for effort. [DListed]

• 50 Cent got his son back with a minimum amount of drama. [ICYDK]

• The Brangelina Wonder Twins were not conceived via in vitro fertilization. Thank goodness that was cleared up. [Yeeeah]

OK, here's something that needs to end: complaining about Lourdes Ciccone Leon's hairy face. Not only is she a prepubescent girl (11) who shouldn't be worrying about looking pretty, it's important to remember that it's not a bad thing to have physical eccentricities. In fact, one of history's most famous and accomplished artists, Frida Kahlo, kept a unibrow very similar to Lourdes' her entire life, letting her tremendous work – not her grooming – prove her merit.

When is everyone going to realize that human oddity shouldn't be mocked or pitied, but celebrated? I hope to whatever gods are out there that this little girl not only knows she looks weird, but also revels in that fact; because that would mean she's already stronger than most people twice her age, especially the ones who think they're doing her a favor by imploring her to pluck her eyebrows like a "normal" person.

For those who actually believed Madonna's rep when she claimed that nightmare-inducing picture of her was just a "bad angle," here's more photographic evidence that the pop star is rapidly morphing into the crypt keeper. Normal women don't age like this.

[Source]

Cynthia Rodriguez looks like she means business, and that attitude is carrying over into her divorce case with baseball player Alex. Although the two signed a prenuptial agreement, Cynthia has now decided she wants half of A-Rod's money earned during the couple's time together. Oh, and he can throw in a $12 million waterfront estate while he's at it.

While naming no figure, she petitioned for alimony and child support, including such benefits as life and health insurance and private schools — suggesting she be able to maintain the 'high standard of living' A-Rod has provided his family so far.

The good news for Alex is that the divorce is taking place in Florida, so he doesn't have to explain why his marriage is "irretrievably broken." We're sure Madonna is breathing a sigh of relief as well.

[Source]

WHAT ELSE IS SHE SUPPOSED TO SAY? "[Madonna] was photographed Friday leaving the Kaballah Center in New York looking gaunt and tired. But pictures can lie, says her publicist. 'I just think the photographer got a bad shot of her or it was touched up to make her look bad,' says her rep Liz Rosenberg. 'I saw Madonna two days before at her rehearsal and she looked amazing — glowing skin and working really hard on her show.'"

• The latest round of leaked Miley Cyrus photos make us feel like we're on To Catch a Predator. [Yeeeah]

• Mario Lopez looks like a d-bag even when he's just standing still. [INO]

• Jennifer Lopez won't let those pesky twins keep her from starring in box office failures. [DListed]

• There's rumors of childish drama on the set of Gossip Girl. Um, obviously. [PS]

• Jenna Jameson's covered in blood but still working the pole. Commitment. [HT]

• Nevermind, Madonna and Guy Ritchie won't be renewing their vows after all. Let the divorce rumors recommence. [ICYDK]

• Jessica Simpson's father threatens Dallas Cowboys fans around the country: "She's coming to the games this year, so you better get ready. She's a fan from the beginning to the end." Or until she gets dumped. [PS]

• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are considering asking Bono to be the godfather to the holy twins, which pretty much seals those kids' fate in rehab. [INO]

• Denise Richards is still campaigning to win the title of Most Vile Person Ever. [DListed]

• Lindsay Lohan was hit by a motorcycle over the weekend in NYC. There were no injuries, but father Michael still felt the urge to blab about it to every media outlet who would listen. [Yeeeah]

• Britney Spears is on vacation — but has yet to learn how to escape the paparazzi. [HT]

• Desperation: Madonna and Guy Ritchie will renew their wedding vows in a pathetic attempt to shoot down those pesky divorce rumors. [ICYDK]

So, this is what Madonna looks like these days. Some people think she's had plastic surgery. Specifically, people with eyes.

[Source]