Thanks to some new research by AOL Latino, we can finally say for certain that wearing makeup causes women to look different than they would otherwise. Amazing, right? Also amazing: the bullshit that schadenfreude will compel people to sit through.

Christina Aguilera gives a whole new meaning to the phrase “My lipgloss be poppin‘.”

What was the old meaning of the phrase “My lipgloss be poppin’”?

The problem with the term “beautiful girl” is that girls are rarely, if ever, beautiful. Girls are pretty and girls are cute — and that’s fine because there’s a time and place for cute (the age 16 and prom, respectively) — but they’re not beautiful. Women are beautiful. Women are sexy.

We’re reminded of how many people ignore that important distinction around this time every year: the lad mag “Hot List” season, when Maxim et al group together the names of every sad, drunk, Botoxed, sutured, bleached, commodified and infected girl in Hollywood and try to pretend the resultant stable has sex appeal. We’re sick of it, so we’ve compiled our own lineup of truly beautiful women. Feel free to suggest additions or complain.

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Maybe it’s just because I’m tired of Fergie and eyeliner commercials and American Apparel models and going out and thongs and competition and diets and porno, but I really can’t shake the feeling that these polygamist women from Texas are some of the most beautiful creatures to grace my television in months.

More after the jump.

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