Mariah Carey graced the stage wearing her best 12-year-old hooker outfit during last night's broadcast of the Teen Choice Awards. There's rollerskating, notes that can only be heard by dogs, and lots of backup dancer-assisted walking. You know, Mariah probably wouldn't need help if she didn't insist on wearing shoes you could find at Strippers R Us.
When Miley Cyrus was chosen to host the Teen Choice Awards, which was filmed last night and will air tonight, we're unsure whether or not the producers expected her to hog the spotlight as much as she obviously did. Judging from the pictures, she treated the entire awards show like one of her infamous YouTube videos, including her BFF Mandy in most of her bits and ruining a perfectly good LL Cool J performance.
In other news, Dwight graced the show with his presence, Mariah continued to use a glitter microphone, Arcuhleta's dad still won't go away — and when did Chace Crawford become so good-looking?
Click through for more pictures than should be allowed. CONTINUED »
The greatest Internet-related threat to our children is not sexual predators — it's YouTube. There's just so many things wrong with this clip, which features an 11-year-old belting out Mariah Carey's "Touch My Body," that we don't even know where to begin. The kid's also got an official MySpace page, which confirms our suspicions that the parents either aren't paying any attention to him at all or they're banking on him to become the family cash cow.
Either way, it's disturbing.
TRL seems to be a breeding ground for bad fashion statements: First Mariah Carey showed up in that monstrosity of an 8th grader's outfit, and now Miley Cyrus appeared on the program looking like she let a blind person pick out her clothes. Really, how many articles of clothing is this girl wearing? It's out of control.
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Eternal 12-year-old Mariah Carey reverted back to 1982, when she was at her ideal age, with this horrendous outfit at a TRL taping. You're telling me Mimi has all the money in the world and she chose to go with an outfit (complete with glittery belt) one could find at a garage sale? … We give up.
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Mariah Carey has fallen a bit out of the spotlight lately now that her marriage to Nick Cannon has become old news. So, naturally, she's just now sharing the details on how Nick proposed to her — twice — in hopes of milking this story for all it's worth. But, really, we could have imagined these shenanigans already (it is Mariah, after all) so it's nothing groundbreaking:
'He sort of kidnapped me and took me on a helicopter ride. Then he re-proposed.' Cannon's first proposal had taken place on Carey's roof in Manhattan a couple of evenings prior and involved the hiding of a 17-carat diamond ring inside a candy ring pop.
Only the best for "eternally 12-years-old" Mariah.
Nick Cannon has been painted as a puppy dog who follows Mariah Carey around with eager eyes and fetches whatever she needs to have fetched. If this is indeed the case, he’s definitely enjoying being the puppy to MC’s master. To each his own!
• Guess who's looking for a record deal? [DListed]
• Mario Lopez turned down an offer to appear in Playgirl. Thank God. [INO]
• Mariah Carey's new music video: Just like all the others. [HT]
• Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson were spotted at Cartier yesterday, sending celebrity bloggers everywhere into an "OMG ARE THEY ENGAGED?!" frenzy. [PS]
• It's a sad day when Amy Winehouse's record label has to act as her parent. [ICYDK]
• More information than we ever wanted to know about Christi Brinkley's ex. [Yeeeah]
• Say hello to the Real Housewives of Atlanta. Yes, they're still doing this nonsense. [DListed]
• Angelina Jolie's back on the heroin? [INO]
• TR Knight is still friends with the insufferable Katherine Heigl. Why, TR?! [PS]
• Tyra Banks says she's got a Miley Cyrus talk show in the works. Why the hell is Tyra still allowed to produce television shows? [ICYDK]
• Trouble in Mariah and Nick's eternal 12-year-old paradise? [SH]
We gathered from previews that You Don't Mess with the Zohan will likely be one of the worst movies of the summer, but now we are completely sure. This three-minute clip from the film features a cameo by Mariah Carey, and when she is one of the most entertaining things on the screen, you know you have a problem.
There's really no appropriate venue for this outfit, but Mariah Carey thought it would be cute to wear while throwing out the first pitch at a baseball game in Tokyo. We're aware of the different cultures and all, but we doubt anyone in Japan finds the hooker heels, awkward-fitting jorts, fake ponytail and … you know, we can't even begin to list the problems with this outfit. We'll hand that over to you — have at it.
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VIOLENCE OF THE LAMBS "Twenty-one-year-old Zachary Alan Schreiber of North Naples, Fl. was popped Saturday night after allegedly throwing a beer bottle at someone who went off because he was blasting Mariah Carey music. Schreiber apparently threw like a sissy and missed the hater, who was sitting in the passenger seat of another car, and hit the driver instead. He was charged with shooting a missile into a vehicle (yes, really) and criminal mischief."
• Ha! The balls are the legs! He's walking with the balls! Jeez, why isn't Amy Sedaris more famous? (By the way, totally NSFW) [Queerty]
• "Christina Aguilera or Transvestite?" [CityRag]
• Mariah Carey demands bodyguards stand watch at bathrooms she uses. Gather from that what you may. [Yeeeah]
• Madge's adopted baby isn't hers again. [ICYDK]
• Mischa Barton now lives in Paris, where there's cheese and butter in everything. Take that, all you mean dipshits saying her legs and butt are "gross." [INO]
• So, that little kid on American Idol is unstoppable, huh? [PS]
• Paris is in London being a real Antwerp. (YES!) [DListed]
• Clearly, we should not have made jokes about Latarian Milton, who was recently been institutionalized after attacking his grandmother. [DListed]
• Angelina Jolie has confirmed she's having twins, which the tabloids did months ago. It's time for celebrities to stop letting the tabloids they claim to hate so much be right. [PS]
• "Reese Witherspoon And Jake Gyllenhaal Are Ready To Wed." Guess what: You're not invited to the wedding, so don't care about it. [INO]
• Megan Fox was once so poor she was forced to have hairy legs. Oh, gawd! That's almost as bad as being so poor you can't eat food. [ICYDK]
• Lohan + Ronson + hickeys = speculation [CityRag]
• "Mariah Carey Has Baby Fever." Uh, no duh—why do think she likes Nick Cannon? Zuh-ing. [Yeeeah]
Nick Cannon really lucked out with this marriage, but let's be honest: The guy has to live with Mariah Carey. We would be expecting a lot more than a diamond ring, but that's just us.
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What's in a name? Unfortunately, when 45 percent of adults in America say celebrity endorsements have an influence on their feelings, a whole lot of sycophancy. Using the Social Security Administration's baby name database, we've found even more evidence to support a theory we've had for a while now: many people are malleable to a fault and willing to make major life decisions based on what's popular.
For instance, in 1991, just one year after Mariah Carey released her debut, self-titled album, Mariah was the 69th most popular girl's name in the US, an appreciable jump from its position in 1989: 563. In 2005, Angelina was the 43rd most popular girl's name; it had been 304th in 1995. Kiefer debuted at 854 in the 1990 rankings of the top 1,000 boy names; two years prior, actor Kiefer Sutherland had starred as a heroic cowboy in Young Guns. Beyonce made its first and only appearance at the 700 spot in 2001.
Of course, as you well know, pop culture won't always positively shift the public opinion. In 2007, about a year after the release of the now-canonical gay film Brokeback Mountain, the name Heath dropped from 778 to 905. In 1989, Lisa was the 55th most popular girl's name in America. That year The Simpsons debuted, and Lisa has lost popularity ever since. In 2007 it was ranked 573rd.
Not at all in the top 1,000 names in the last 100 years: Barf, Cord and Apple.
Behold the first public post-wedding picture of Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon not owned by People magazine. The couple attended a party for Time's 100 Most Influential People in the World, where Mariah performed with a bedazzled microphone and stand. Good luck with that, Nick.
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Mariah Carey, who seems to have forgotten about that whole laser removal technique:
One thing [few people] knew was we got tattoos a few weeks earlier. So anyone who saw my ["Mrs. Cannon"] tattoo wasn’t surprised. To me rings are special and exciting, but tattoos mean more than anything. They’re forever and ever.
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