American Idol’s Neil Diamond night was just as disastrous as I feared, and it’s safe to assume everyone not named David is in danger of getting axed tonight. Everybody was off their game, including sobriety princess Paula Abdul. Once each contestant had performed their first songs of the evening, Ryan asked the judges to offer their comments; naturally, Paula began giving Jason Castro her critique of both his songs, one of which had yet to be sung. Her excuse: “This is hard.”

So what happened? Conspiracy theorists are crying foul, saying the show is fixed and she had written the critiques beforehand, but we’re talking about Paula Abdul here. It’s quite possible that she just mixed the wrong meds.

Tonight’s American Idol is all about Neil Diamond, because what better way to recover from the disaster that was last week’s Andrew Lloyd Webber theme than to give us more train wreck material?

The magical TMZ moles have uncovered this week’s song list, and we’re just hoping Jason Castro can use his two (count em, two) songs to squeak by another elimination.