Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen are still making the bookstore rounds to sign copies of their latest rip-off, Influence. With all that money they have, can't PETA's mortal enemies afford to hire a smiling coach? This is just painful.
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OLSEN TWINS STARBUCKS' ONLY REMAINING CUSTOMERS • "Fewer U.S. customers and venti-sized costs for closing poorly performing stores led to lower sales and profit in the fourth quarter at Starbucks Corp., the company said Monday. … Seattle-based Starbucks said profit in the quarter fell 97 percent to $5.4 million, or a penny a share, from $158.5 million, or 21 cents per share."
For our readers fortunate enough to not be in the NYC area today, I'll give you a short summary of what the weather is currently like outside: Hell. It's freezing, windy and rainy (and my umbrella may or may not have imploded during my walk to Jossip HQ). Granted, I'm from Texas so anything below 60 degrees weirds me out, but the overwhelming majority opinion is that today is one of those days where you stay inside as much as possible.
Enter the PETA crazies, who heard that Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen would be at a Manhattan Barnes & Noble to sign copies of their latest book. No amount of bad weather was going to keep these people from lining up outside in those dumb Trollsen masks and frightening passersby.
One insane person's personal account of the protest, after the jump. CONTINUED »
PETA's again out to destroy the Olsen twins before the young, frowny things have the opportunity to destroy themselves.
Just in time for Halloween, the controversial animal rights group is giving away free ugly masks mocking the sisters, who the annoying-even-to-vegans organization has dubbed the Trollsen Twins.
To complete the "Hairy Kate" and "Trashley" look, PETA recommends Starbucks, cigarettes and boho chic gear. Note, the look won't work for anyone fatter than the sheet of paper from which the masks are made.
The Olsen twins are currently in a fight so stupid and easily mended it could serve as a plot to another of their low-budget children's movies just as soon as they hire a desperate enough screenwriter.
It's like this: Mary-Kate and Ashley started two fashion labels together, The Row, a couture line, and Elizabeth and James, a more affordable brand. Both lines are now suffering and Ashley, who's very focused on becoming a "respected businesswoman," believes the failure is due in large part to sister Mary-Kate's partying. Cocaine, as we're sure you know, is a helluva drug.
The rest of the story's all about good lines. Ashley wants MK away from the good line, The Row, until she can cool it with her own, special good lines and the smoking and the drinking, basically all the stuff that makes the fashion industry tolerable.
MK is left to focus on the cheap stuff, er, the more affordable line, Elizabeth and James, “It’s tough because The Row was so much of Mary-Kate’s idea. Mary-Kate has a unique fashion sense,” notes the insider.
“I just see myself more as a business person,” Ashley says.
Great idea, Ashley: give the wasted young millionaire LESS responsibility. That always shapes them right up.
Caroline Tell, a Women's Wear Daily editor who recently interviewed Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen, reports that she was asked by the Olsen's publicist to not refer to them as "twins" or "sisters" in her article. The reason being that the sisters are hoping to establish themselves as separate business entities (never mind the fact that they co-own a company called Dualstar and rarely attend events solo).
Tell says Ashley is the more business savvy of the Olsens and that, when asked how she felt about fame, Mary Kate responded, "I don’t know how to answer that question."
This be a video of the Olsen twins at last weekend's Bonnaroo, the annual hippie-dippie Tennessee music festival. Watch as the sisters sway their hungry bodies to the plodding stylings of Jack Johnson, dancing a dance called, "Why Can't I Truly Enjoy Anything Anymore?"
• Had you forgotten that jerks everywhere are making sure "art" looks stupid? Check out this video for a reminder. We just got that professor an A in his own stupid stupidy stupid class for stupids. [Pop17]
• Cord Jefferson is now also an editor-at-large at Stereohyped. Check in over there once in a while, y'hear? [SH]
• The Olsen twins are releasing a book about their influences. It's going to be called Influence, and it's going to be a lie because it's not going to include cocaine. [DListed]
• Jakey G likes crossword puzzles. Swoon, nerd girls (and boys). [PS]
• Leonardo DiCaprio rocks out to Elton John, and that's more than fine with us. [INO]
• One of Snoop's sons is named "Corde." This is upsetting to us here at Mollygood. Very upsetting, actually. [ICYDK]
• LOLbritneys! [CityRag]
PETA's "Trollsen Twins" campaign against Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen and their menagerie of fur garments is reportedly working as planned, a first for the animal rights organization. Says Page Six:
Mary- Kate and Ashley Ol- sen are grov eling at the non-leather shoes of PETA after the animal rightists began a nasty cam paign against the tiny fur-wearing twins. "The Olsens want to make peace with PETA," one snitch [said].
See that, kids? Words can hurt. Now get out there and insult, insult, insult until you get your way.
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"Look, kids, she's in her natural habitat: a shoe store. Don't touch her, don't feed her and DO NOT emulate her. Now let's go look at the Olsens."
The misunderstood, famished Olsen twins are unloading their 5,725-square-foot, West Village condo. Bidding begins at $11.995 million, but qualified buyers can probably get them to knock off about $.055 million.
The twins obtained the property in late 2004 for almost a third less than they are now asking.
According to The Observer, the penthouse has 53 windows; one for every week of the year and one more to piss out of onto the human offal milling below!
Finding it increasingly difficult to buy garments that don't hang like drapery from paltry limbs and angular shoulders, the Olsen twins are debuting the Elizabeth and James clothing line, a collection for poor skinny women.
…the Elizabeth and James collection “is intended for a woman who wants a designer garment but cannot afford it” Ashley told WomenWear Daily. “It’s a sophisticated woman with a playful side and is still chic. It’s someone who understands fashion and understands details and expects that as well. It’s [for] someone who understands the design aspects of fashion [and] the designer product, but also doesn’t want to pay designer prices”.
I can see it now: "Elizabeth and James: Because a true woman is only emotionally bankrupt."
So, how much are these not-designer prices?
Elizabeth and James is a 25-piece collection with prices ranging from $90 for a t-shirt to $375 for a jacket to $450-$550 for dresses, with a cashmere coat topping out at $995.
"$90 for a t-shirt"? Take that, reasonable expectations! And from on high, the golden duo proclaim, "Let them wear Old Navy."
More of the tatters after the jump.
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If you love the Hamptons so much, why don't you buy a house there and stay in it forever, only exiting the darkness of your splendor for $15 tomato soup? Please?
More merrymakers after the jump.
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New rule: If you're going to wear a ghutra as a scarf, you have to have obtained it from a Muslim vendor or friend, preferably while in a Muslim nation. I'm sick of asses who think the war "sucks" keeping their slender necks warm with an entire people's traditions. How about next we do yarmulkes as earmuffs?
More obliviousness under here.
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I guess the idea behind this is that if nobody's laid eyes on you in years, it's best to let them see a whole lot of you as soon as you start getting invited to parties again.
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