WE FORGOT THEY WERE STILL MARRIED "Madonna … is understood to be seeking legal advice on a possible divorce from her husband of seven years, the film director Guy Ritchie. [Fiona] Shackleton, 52, is the lawyer of choice for the rich and famous after what was regarded as the spectacularly well-handled split of Sir Paul [McCartney] from Heather Mills."
Professional rapper Nas says he's thankful Yoko Ono broke up The Beatles, thereby allowing his hero John Lennon to thrive as a solo artist. According to Nas, without Yoko giving him the strength to drop his wack crew, Lennon might never have gone on to pen canonical works like "Imagine" and "Give Peace a Chance."
As usual, Nasty Nas is right. Eff The Beatles and the way everyone loves them because their parents have told them to. John Lennon carried that band and Paul McCartney is an old relic who's lost his luster. All hail the egomaniacal Yoko!
After the jump, John and Yoko's notorious "n-word" tune, a song the MC behind Nigger can no doubt appreciate.
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Because she knows she's nothing but an urban Wiccan without the memory of her dead husband to give her street cred, Yoko Ono has again reminded the world that she used to be married to John Lennon, the best Beatle. This time it's to stand up for vegan maniac Heather Mills, the woman recently awarded $50 million in her divorce from Paul McCartney.
… Ono, who is 75, said: "All I can say is it's not very easy for a woman to be associated with The Beatles.
"I think all the wives did suffer, and I think quietly suffer. Suffer but endured, I would actually say."
She [said] that Heather needed to "do her very best and try to survive".
Everyone, please, bow your heads now and pray that Heather Mills finds a way to "survive" with that paltry 50 million fucking dollars. And also pray that Yoko finally gets her wish to live on Jupiter with space frogs.
Above, a sketch artist's rendering of Heather Mills, upon winning $50 million in her divorce from Paul McCartney, pouring a jug of water on McCartney's solicitor, Fiona Shackleton. Note the Beatle's apparent disinterest in the deluge.
This week's American Idol proved that The Beatles should never let a reality show touch their music ever again. This was week two of stealing from the songbook, and the contestants defied any preconceived notions that they would improve on last week's performances. Everything was pretty terrible, and not in a fun trainwreck kind of way. The only entertaining moment was courtesy of David Cook, which pains us to say because he totally knows he's awesome.
After taking Paul McCartney to the cleaners to the tune of $50 million, Heather Mills, sore winner that she is, proceeded to throw a glass of water all over the music man's coiffed solicitor, Fiona Shackleton. Nasty! But check out that British stiff upper lip on an unfazed Shackleton. The wet look suits her, no?
Vegan gold digger Heather Mills won $50 million today in her divorce from third-best Beatle Paul McCartney. $32 million of the settlement will be given to Mills in cash. "I am so, so happy," she gushed outside the court, so, so unnecessarily.
Heather Mills and Paul McCartney continued to battle in court today over what Mills is owed following the couple's cantankerous divorce. Reports have suggested Mills hopes to acquire 10 percent of the former Beatle's fortune, estimated at over $1.5 billion. If Mills is successful, it will be the largest divorce settlement in British history, and everyone will hate her even more than they do already.
But standing between Mills and the fortune is McCartney's assertion that he made very little money during the couple's four-year marriage. And then there's the tales of Mills' infidelity. According to one alleged lover: "The former model had marathon sex sessions with film editor Tim Steel the night before joining the Beatles legend on a romantic Caribbean Valentine's holiday…'Most of the time it was multiple orgasms. Heather has a very unusual erogenous zone-her stump. I used to massage one particular sensitive area of it and give her an orgasm!'" We would have paid $150 million to have not read that.
What many thought were simply miscalculated television appearances by a frazzled Heather Mills were also, reportedly, ill-advised. Evidence of this came yesterday, when Mills' legal team abruptly severed ties with the activist(?).
“She was warned against going on TV and talking about Paul, their marriage and anything about her daughter. But she just refused to listen. She was told time and again to keep quiet because she might hand Sir Paul’s lawyers an easy victory.
“But she is so crazy she decided she knew better than the best divorce lawyers in the country.
“It is total madness. Her bid to win public sympathy could end up with her throwing away millions.”
It is total madness, but the money has very little to do with it.
Remember when Barbara Walters – normally the Switzerland among the View militants – uncharacteristically railed on Heather Mills as much as a staid old woman can, calling her "not very nice"? Well, someone did some digging and discovered that Mills' ex, Paul McCartney, has a new love interest, Nancy Shevell, who happens to be Walters' second cousin! What little integrity, but a damn fine scoop, no?
• How fights between prima donnas begin. [TMZ]
• Paul McCartney's new lady friend is still married! [DListed]
• Steve Carrell is no scab. [EBG]
• Lenny Kravitz scurrying about in tight pants. Nothing more. [PS]
• Is melanoma fashionable? [HT]
• Jessica Simpson: "A Boston man is closest to a Southern man, I believe." [INO]
• Kim Kardashian celebrates that one (other) time she showed her breasts and vagina to the world. [ICYDK]
• Before he totaled his race car, subsequently injuring his good friend, Nick Hogan had been drinking. What a Hulkamaniac. [Yeeeah]
• The Critic: Gone but never, ever forgotten. [CityRag]
Fashion designer and Beatle progeny Stella McCartney has reportedly found an industrious way to take a dig at her ex-stepmother, Heather Mills, while also making a buck: The first piece produced for the designer's new jewelry line will be a necklace with a single leg charm. You'll remember Mills has but one leg! Last week, Mills told Extra that Stella did "evil" things to her when she was married to Paul McCartney, though she has yet to define "evil."
Today on The View, Barbara Walters recently offered her two wizened cents on the McCartney-Mills divorce. According to Walters: "This is not a very nice woman." Damning!
A few weeks ago, Page Six warned sashaying fashionistas everywhere that the tents canopying Bryant Park during New York Fashion Week would play host to fewer fabulous guests this year. While the news certainly came too late for flustered, coked-up event planners to pare champagne orders, it gave us an ample amount of time to fix a cheese plate, pour a glass of red and prepare to ogle the wreckage of the most poorly attended Fashion Week ever. That said, where is everyone?
Last night, everyone was at the GQ Men of the Year Awards in London. After the jump, many pictures of them wisely not caring about Fashion Week.
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What do you do if you're a recently divorced multimillionaire whose last wife tried to hustle you like she were a common card shark? You somehow find a seemingly more unstable woman with whom to start a relationship, of course!
Paul McCartney and Renee Zellweger grow closer still. Having had dinner last week at Sag Harbor's American Hotel, the former Beatle and the Oscar winner looked "very cozy" at the party Jon Bon Jovi threw in East Hampton Saturday, a spy tells us. "They chatted through much of the evening and shared one of the outdoor day beds where people lounged on the lawn after dinner."
Could somebody relay the message to this guy that, along with love, one also needs a modicum of judiciousness and self control?
Page Six reports that Heather Mills found $41 million proffered by ex-husband Paul McCartney an unreasonable divorce settlement. Despite the fact that the two were married for only four years, Mills feels that $102 million is her rightful take of McCartney's estate, most of which was established decades before the two were wed.
When the duo called their four-year marriage quits last May, Mills allegedly sought more than $300 million of McCartney's $1.6 billion empire. An $8 million Georgian mansion in London's tony St. John Wood was reportedly high on her wish list. Now it appears Mills is willing to let it be for much less. If they don't reach a settlement, there will be an answer after a trial set for February.
Sing it with me: All you need is love and a team of many, many lawyers who will keep you from getting taken to the cleaners when love tries to castrate you.
[Source]
• Colored contacts plus the wig means that about 34 percent of Britney's head is now fake. Unfortunately, she's still using her real brain. [PopSugar]
• "Combined drug intoxication. The reaction of the sleeping pills plus the levels of all the therapeutic drugs in her system, is what killed her. Add on a raging flu and a slight infection from the abscess and thus we have Anna Nicole, dead of an accidental overdose." [ONTD]
• Bruce Willis made out with Courtney Love. I'm guessing it had to have been a dare and that everyone was going crazy when he actually did it. [DListed]
• Now she can go back to getting loaded in peace. [TB]
• Aguliera betting it's not going to rain. [TheBosh]
• Hey, Hollywood, I've got the new Will Ferrell script: 1. Dopey but lovable guy's doing great. 2. Dopey guy fails. 3. Dopey guy finds a quirky way to come back and win. Somehow we'll throw in a love interest and a corny villain. Bada bing! [CityRag]
• Going from Heather Mills to the Guinness heiress is the biggest rebound in the history of dating. My hat's off to you, Paul. [ASL]
• Legislating SexyBack in Tennessee. [ASL]
• They kill them and skin them. What's to learn, Fergie? [DListed]
• Tom Cruise in Hitler movie. Don't get any ideas, Cruise. [ONTD]
• Naomi at community service. Fur? Sure! [JJ]
• Jesse Metcalfe is in rehab. His career is still shitfaced. [ICYDK]
• Federline's keeping the kids. [Glitterati]
• Paul taking the high, Abbey road. [INO]
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