New rumor: George Clooney dumped cocktail waitress girlfriend Sarah Larson because she got a breast augmentation. If this is indeed the case, was Clooney’s reaction acceptable? We say yes, because the surgery reveals an insecurity that can be hell on relationships. What do you think?

La Toya Jackson hung out in Germany yesterday at what we can only hope was an anti-plastic surgery rally. At least, we think it was La Toya — it could be Michael with a wig for all we know.

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The problem with the term “beautiful girl” is that girls are rarely, if ever, beautiful. Girls are pretty and girls are cute — and that’s fine because there’s a time and place for cute (the age 16 and prom, respectively) — but they’re not beautiful. Women are beautiful. Women are sexy.

We’re reminded of how many people ignore that important distinction around this time every year: the lad mag “Hot List” season, when Maxim et al group together the names of every sad, drunk, Botoxed, sutured, bleached, commodified and infected girl in Hollywood and try to pretend the resultant stable has sex appeal. We’re sick of it, so we’ve compiled our own lineup of truly beautiful women. Feel free to suggest additions or complain.

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• There’s a reason we haven’t subjected ourselves to MTV’s Rock the Cradle. Behold that reason. [DListed]

• Mary-Kate Olsen took in a hockey game last night in NYC. No word on how her frail body survived being that close to the ice. [PS]

• Sarah Jessica Parker swears she will never use plastic surgery or Botox, so you can rest assured she will likely top those “most unattractive” lists for years to come. [ICYDK]

• Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon obtained a marriage license in the Caribbean. So this whole thing is legit? Really? Really? [INO]

• We never thought we’d see the day when Britney Spears was allowed to be in a swimming pool with her two sons. [CityRag]

• Kim Kardashian spent the day around numerous wild animals, and she made it out alive. Unfortunately. [HT]

Pinkberry, Hollywood’s favorite frozen yogurt, is in a whole world of trouble today as reports are surfacing that the all-natural snack is anything but. A class-action lawsuit filed against the chain, which is accused of deceptive marketing, revealed that — surprise! — a majority of the yogurt’s ingredients, including laboratory-produced sugars, aren’t exactly “natural.”

But, then again, neither is the majority of Hollywood.

I’m likely the only person left who watches The Bachelor, and it’s probably a good thing. Nobody deserves to feast their eyes upon this lovely beauty, Michele, who is contestant Shayne’s mother and the ex-wife of Hollywood legend Lorenzo Lamas. Why he left her, we will never know.

KIDS THESE DAYS ARE SCREWED “A Florida plastic surgeon has written a children’s book called My Beautiful Mommy — out on Mother’s Day — to teach kids why their mother is going under the knife for cosmetic enhancements.”

QUITE THE CASANOVA “Jesse Metcalfe reportedly paid for his Playboy Playmate ex-girlfriend’s boob job when they were dating. The former Desperate Housewives star … is said to have been so desperate for curvy Colleen Shannon to increase her breast size that he paid for the operation.”

Alicia Douvall’s 12-year-old daughter, Georgia, wants a breast augmentation; no doubt to emulate her mother, who’s had a dozen. Alicia, a model, says there’s absolutely no way she’s going to let Georgia get breast implants at 12. Obviously, the young lady has to wait until she’s 16!!!!!!!

“I think a 16-year-old with a nice, sexy figure will do really well as a model as long as she’s managed well. That’s why I’m happy for Georgia to have a boob job because it will give her a career.”

The awful, miserable Alicia has done one kind thing for her daughter and changed Georgia’s name to Destiny, a gauche but clear reminder to the world that she had no choice but to become a horribly damaged nightmare.

In an effort to bolster the ever-assailed decorum of the Internet, Mollygood looks to poetry with Someone Haiku. Each day – using 17 syllables or less – you’re given the opportunity to wax poetic about some piece of flotsam or jetsam that’s washed up on the shores of Mollygood. Hopefully this Zen practice will not only bathe you in self-discovery, but also bring a touch of Eastern class to a global network of information that’s devolved into nothing more than tit websites and provocative MySpace pictures.

Today’s Someone Haiku winner is syndicator:

How is this acting?
Her body is already
A soulless vessel.

So, so true, syndicator. Well done.

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Jason Davis — who appears to be drinking coffee through a straw — debuted a new body yesterday in LA. We’re not surprised to see he’s dropped the weight — between his inheritance and drug habit, he has all the resources in the world to shed the fat. Unfortunately for him, he still looks like a disgusting, sweaty pig.

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Heidi Montag is searching for lookalikes to model her clothes during the April launch of Heidiwood. So for anyone who has had multiple cosmetic procedures and also possesses that dead-behind-the-eyes look, this is your chance!

Heidi insists that you must be a California resident to apply, but that’s redundant considering nobody looks like that in the other 49 states.

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• Demi Moore has a great new beauty treatment: Allowing leeches to prey on her. Which works out nicely, since she’s with Ashton Kutcher. [PS]

• Amy Winehouse cleaned up her act! Just kidding, she looks like hell. [DListed]

• Priscilla Presley’s face is all messed up because it was injected with “silicone used to lubricate auto parts.” We’re going to pretend that’s also what happened to Jocelyn Wildenstein. [TMZ]

• Genealogists believe Hillary Clinton is related to Angelina Jolie and Barack Obama is related to Brad Pitt. You know who else they say Barack is related to? George Bush. [Yahoo]

• Britney knows talent when she sees it: American Idol contestant Kristy Lee Cook, this season’s Sanjaya, was signed to Spears’ label many years ago and was even mentored by the pop star. We can see that worked out. [INO]

• Denise Richards legally dropped Sheen as her last name; still no word on what she did with her dignity. [Us]

• Check out Kobe throwing a towel in that woman’s face! Humiliating and hilarious. [DListed]

• Apparently, Ashton Kutcher still “acts.” Who knew? [PS]

• Carmen Electra doing what she does: sitting, smiling and exposing. [HT]

• Who is keeping Ghost Whisperer on the air, and is Ghost Whisperer their only friend? [INO]

• “Mary Kate Olsen’s Awful Plastic Surgery” [CityRag]

• Carrie Bradshaw was a total copycat! [ICYDK]

• “Big Butts En Vogue in Ivory Coast” [SH]

Argument number 4,080 against cosmetic surgery: This is what plastic surgeons, who will – with straight faces – suggest to depressed women that they are unattractive, look like when not in scrubs.

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Nicolette Sheridan has not improved with age.

Let this be a lesson to you: Plastic surgery + botox + a tranny-like appearance = bad news. It’s basic math.

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Two Beverly Hills plastic surgeons recently asked a bunch of people who are unhappy with the way they look what they would consider perfect celebrity features. As if it weren’t a disgusting enough enterprise, Star magazine took the project one step further by then using the survey’s results to form composite images of what hopeless, narrow motherfuckers believe to be ideal beauty.

At right are artisanal SuperCelebs Star mashed together from the following:

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We just recently discovered Jocelyn Wildenstein — seen here terrorizing the people of Hollywood — and we are convinced she is the scariest looking person on the planet. Here’s the info we dug up on this 67-year-old creature, courtesy of the ever-reliable Wikipedia:

[Jocelyn] is known to have received several silicone injections to the lips, cheek, and chin along with a facelift and eye reconstruction to appear more feline. Her eyes were pulled up and back, giving them a more feline shape.

Our cat just looked at that picture and has been hiding under the bed ever since.

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