• The littlest Palin lady is the only one we can stomach. [DListed]

• Eva Longoria denies the pregnancy rumors: "I’m just fat. I gained 5lb over the summer so instead of a size zero, I’m a size one." [INO]

• Jennifer Aniston stays relevant by playing in the sprinklers. [HT]

• Kid Rock vs. Oprah … We have a feeling this isn't going to go well for the Kid. [ICYDK]

• Forget those new 90210 twerps; we'll take Adam Brody any day. [PS]

• Keira Knightley was verbally attacked by a someone, but she surprisingly survived without collapsing into a pile of malnourished bones. [Yeeeah]

WELL, WE WOULDN'T ACCEPT A DRINK FROM WILMER EITHER "Eva Longoria Parker added fuel to pregnancy rumors by skipping the silly sauce and raw foods in Vegas on Labor Day. The star instead nibbled edamame and drank water at the opening of Yellowtail Sushi Restaurant and Bar at the Bellagio, and even passed on a round of shots bought by Wilmer Valderama for her table of gal pals."

Katie Holmes flew across the country from her Broadway rehearsals to attend husband Tom Cruise's Tropic Thunder premiere last night in LA, because no Cruise-related event is complete without Katie's dead eyes and silent cries for help. We're hoping Katie just ate more lettuce leaves than normal, because if that's a baby bump we should probably start stocking up on bottled water and flashlights.

[Source]

ALL BABIES ALL THE TIME! "Jennifer Garner and husband Ben Affleck are expecting another baby, Garner’s former Alias co-star Victor Garber confirms to Usmagazine.com. 'Yes, she is,' Garber, who currently stars on ABC's Eli Stone, told Us when asked if recent speculation was true that the couple is expecting. (Garber officiated the couple's 2005 wedding.) A source adds, 'She is five months pregnant. They are very happy.'"

• Sorry, ladies: Pat O'Brien is getting married. Let's take a moment to honor one of the last good men with an encore presentation of his infamous voicemails. (YouTube audio NSFW) [DListed]

• Get this: Uma Thurman might be pregnant at the same time her ex-husband, Ethan Hawke, is preparing to marry a former nanny that she hired. The circle of life, Hollywood style! [Yeeeah]

• Barack Obama must be doing something right: His daughter isn't hanging out with Heidi Montag. [HT]

• Maggie Gyllenhaal threatens to leave New York City. To be honest, we didn't even know she lived here in the first place. [ICYDK]

• Alert the presses: Lindsay Lohan almost kisses Samantha Ronson. [PS]

• Eva Longoria got "ugly" for her role on Desperate Housewives. Except … she still looks pretty. [INO]

NO WORRIES, NEONATAL HERPES IS VERY RARE "'She’s not drinking. It’s the first time I’ve never seen her do that.' Above source is a firsthand, regular and up close observer of Paris Hilton and her horniness, hotness and sometimes tankedlicious goings on. Said insider’s been posing and preening right alongside Ms. H at a few recent T-town soirees. Gosh, is this the new, freshly domesticated Mrs.-Madden-to-be Paris or Paris the teetotalist, perhaps (for whatever reason)? Or, to get very National Enquirer about it (as if there were any diff here at A.T., I mean, really), could this possibly be the new preggers Paris?"

HERE WE GO AGAIN "A French magazine reported on its website Wednesday morning that Angelina Jolie has given birth to her twins."

Eva Longoria, who has done a respectable job of attempting to stay out of the spotlight lately, finally decided she needed attention. So, naturally, she threw on a loose-fitting dress and placed objects in front of her stomach while parading in front of the Manhattan paparazzi in order to fuel pregnancy rumors. Well, it was nice while it lasted.

[Source]

Pictures of Paris Hilton out in LA last night are causing a ruckus on the Internet because the camera angle makes her look a teensy bit preggers. We don't buy it — we believe in staying positive.

[Source]

The Beyonce pregnancy speculation is snowballing after an anonymous friend reportedly blabbed about Mrs. Jay-Z's bun in the oven. And this time, the rumors are legit:

She has gained a lot of pregnancy weight. When she gains weight, she normally does the Def Jam detox, but not now.

What? No Def Jam detox? This is serious. Everyone does the Def Jam detox. And to further fuel speculation, Beyonce's rep said she didn't know if the star was preggers: "Let me perform an ultrasound and get back to you."

Tom Cruise followed that up by issuing a statement saying Beyonce was more than welcome to borrow his ultrasound machine.

[Source]

YET ANOTHER WEDDING WE DON'T CARE ABOUT "A source close to [Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz] has told Hollyscoop exclusively, 'The wedding invitations have been sent out, its taking place the weekend of May 16. The location will not be revealed until the day of the wedding but guests are told it will be an hour drive from Los Angeles.' Our source also confirmed that Ashlee is 100 percent pregnant."

Ashlee Simpson stopped by the Ellen DeGeneres Show to tape an appearance that will air later today, and — wouldn't you know it? — she was asked about those pesky pregnancy rumors that were likely planted by Papa Joe. Her response:

Well, that has been going on for quite a while. That is definitely something that I choose personally not to discuss except for the fact that maybe … Do I look like I had 10 cheeseburgers or something? Because I don’t think I do.

What she means is that she's not pregnant, but this is the only way to get people to pay attention to her. Expect a firm denial after her crappy album is released, when it no longer matters.

[Source]

Beautiful shotgun bride Ashlee Simpson may be a pop star, but she ain't no JLo. While it's being said that Jennifer Lopez commanded $6 million from People magazine in exchange for exclusive rights to the first pictures of her new twins, Simpson is finding it impossible to fetch even $100,000 for photo access to the baby brewing in her belly: "One magazine editor said the pictures would fetch '$60,000 maybe - but definitely not a million.'"

But wait, what baby? Simpson and Wentz said they're not having a baby. Are they lying? Are the magazine editors lying? Is everyone lying? Wow, fuck these people.

'PEOPLE' JUMPS ON THE BANDWAGON "Ashlee Simpson is pregnant and plans to get married next month at a private residence in Southern California, a source close to her family tells People. … On Tuesday, Simpson sidestepped the rumors during an interview with MTV after taping TRL in New York, saying simply, 'Some things you want to keep personal.'"

THAT'S NOT A NO "Ashlee Simpson briefly addressed pregnancy rumors Tuesday during a taping of MTV's TRL in New York. A source at the taping says Simpson dodged the pregnancy question, saying that if all the rumors about her were true, she 'would have had a baby by now.'"

Fresh on the heels of the Ashlee Simpson pregnancy rumors, fiance Pete Wentz contacted MTV News to set the record straight:

There is a witch hunt for people to be pregnant whenever they get engaged in Hollywood. This is all news to me. I can't wait for the story about how I'm really in a gay relationship and this is all just a cover. … I mean really, this is crazy. … I mean we're engaged, that's true, and happy about it.

Meanwhile, OK! magazine is jumping on the bandwagon with a Simpson source claiming the couple is "over the moon" with their baby joy. The magazine offers lots of details that may or may not have been made up — big sister Jessica is thrilled about the fetus, Ashlee is suffering from morning sickness and the couple plans to wed by the end of May.

Coincidentally, Ashlee's new CD just so happens to be coming out next Tuesday. You smell that? That is the scent of a desperate publicity stunt.

[Source]

This seems like complete and utter nonsense, but a recent blind item is creating a buzz about Lauren Conrad and a possible bun in the oven:

This Hills and/or Laguna Beach star is pregnant. Now if we could just figure out the daddy.

In the video above, one of the paps ask LC how the baby is. If the paparazzi know about this, it must be true.

Ashlee Simpson — who seems to be popping up everywhere lately — appeared on Fuse TV's The Sauce yesterday to promote her CD. And by "CD" we mean "relationship with Pete Wentz."

The not-as-famous Simpson sister, who was sporting some decoration on her ring finger, put the "rampant" rumors to rest: She's not pregnant, and she's not engaged — Pete only gave her a promise ring.

Promise rings were cool in middle school. Perhaps they're bringing back the trend?

"It just means that he hasn't asked my dad yet," she explained. Uh, good luck with that, Pete. We hear Papa Joe can be a teensy bit jealous.

[Source]