Reality Bytes is on hiatus this week while I'm at home in Texas for my best friend's wedding, because my family does not own a DVR. (I know, I know. I've been suffering immensely.) Anyway, to satisfy your appetite for reality television, I've compiled the five dumbest competitive reality show gimmicks. Like the Bachelor's roses, except most people actually enjoy getting roses in real life — these trinkets are way less flattering and often cringe-worthy.
During last night's BET awards, Alicia Keys reintroduced the youth of America to three amazing girl groups: SWV, En Vogue and TLC. Some of the ladies still have it and others (SWV, we're looking at you) do not. But even at their worst, all of these groups put The Pussycat Dolls to shame.
Maxim held its Hot 100 party last night in LA, which played host to many horny males hoping to score with desperate women. This event would have been the perfect time to lock everyone in and save the rest of the world from STDs.
After the jump: More pictures of "hot" people than you could ever ask for. CONTINUED »
Audrina Patridge capitalized on her popularity thanks to Lauren Conrad and The Hills by hosting a Pussycat Dolls show over the weekend with as much awkwardness as she could muster. This would be more exciting if she hadn't leaked those nude photos of herself last week.
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Paris Hilton continued her marathon birthday celebration this weekend in Vegas by performing in a Pussycat Dolls show. Been there, done that. Except that was when we turned 12.
It seems fair to let the pictures do the talking; be sure to use protection when viewing these photos.
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Britney Spears is reportedly looking to come under the attentive guidance of Jessica and Ashlee Simpson's manager, their father, Joe Simpson.
According to an inside source, Joe Simpson is considering managing Spears' career, or what's left of it, just as he has done for Jessica and her sister, Ashlee.
The former Baptist minister even tried to set up a meeting over the weekend with Spears, our source attests - though Jessica's rep Cindi Berger denies it.
While some might fear a diva-like rivalry between the two singers, our source says Jessica would be okay with the arrangement and even offered to put out a call to Britney, as the two are no longer competitors.
Well, guy, the "two are no longer competitors" because the two are no longer competing at all. I know people are expecting this Pussycat Dolls hosting gig to turn things around for Jessica, but Denise Richards did it last year and it didn't exactly catapult her back into the spotlight. And if Joe Simpson can find Britney's career amid all that hair on the dusty barber shop floor where she left it, perhaps he really is a man of God.
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It was raining Cats and Doggs at a Tuesday night concert in New York to benefit UNICEF, when both the Pussycat Dolls and Snoop Dogg performed in honor of the children's charity. While Snoop's artistic contributions have always been ideologically aligned with UNICEF's work, specifically their fight against AIDS ("I got a pocket full of rubbers and my homeboys do, too"), it's unclear how the Pussycat Dolls are tied to the organization. Nevertheless, both Snoop and the Dolls found ways to mar the evening.
Organizers of Tuesday night's Pussycat Dolls concert at Cipriani Wall Street to benefit UNICEF, which also featured the rapper, had to fly in more than 10 members of his posse, first-class. Then, at the last minute, Snoop almost didn't go on because, "he insisted on having an Xbox in his dressing room," an insider said. "We finally found someone who lent us their kids' Xbox, and had to put Snoop somewhere on the third floor because he was smoking so much dope." Snoop and his pals were having such a good time they were an hour late making it to the stage, forcing the Pussycat Dolls, who were paid $300,000 to perform, to actually talk - which wasn't a good thing.
And what happens when you're UNICEF and you rely on the Pussycat Dolls to "just wing it"? It turns out that one of them will step forward, introduce herself and thank "UNICEL" for having her.
Let's hope the event raised a lot of money and that UNICEF learned their lesson. That being, when you're one of the most gracious organizations in the world and a presenter you've hired demands first-class tickets for his crew, that's when you go, "Well, we don't usually say this, but fuck off."
Aww look, the little guy from Laguna Beach who just wanted a nice blonde to call his own seems to have found love with the only Pussycat Doll that matters. Her name is Nicole Something that starts with an H and his name is Talan something that starts with a T. Please forgive me for refusing to actually learn either of their last names. Believe me, though, if I needed to talk about either one of them I can mumble them out quite convincingly.
This couple may come as a surprise to the few of you who care, but if you're as weirdly full of useless information as I am, you may remember that when Talan paid a visit to Kathy Griffin's niece on My Life on the D-List he did make an allusion to a PCD being in bed with him that morning. Let's just hope it was the same one.
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• Lindsay's flack is one phone call from "Fuck it. It's all fucking true. Now go away." [Gawker]
• Gwen buys kept husband new baby-making factory. [PopSugar]
• Do I have to pretend to care about this Rosie/Trump thing? Do I? Call me when they Jell-o wrestle it out. [DListed]
• Pussycat Nightmares. [IDLYITW]
• Maybe she's hot for his part. [Page Six]
• Bone fight! [A Socialite's Life]
• Christmas came early for Tara Reid. [HollywoodTuna]
• MADD hates Miss Teen USA. MABT (Mothers Against Bi-Curious Teens), on the other hand, has yet to come out with an official statement. [INO]
Nicole whatever her name is, the only Pussycat Doll anyone recognizes because she's the only one who sings or is ever shown in videos, doesn't look possessed by the shiny bag of goodies at all, does she? What can I say, I just love these pictures from the swag rooms at kinda crappy events. It was some sort of radio station Jingle Ball in NY this weekend and look how pumped Nick Lachey is about his Bratz video game. Oh, and Rihanna has a Bratz doll with similar head/body proportions to Rih-Rih herself. And JoJo is so hilarious with her bedazzled not-swanky-enough-for-an-actual-Bluetooth headset. Posing for those pictures must feel like dying a little on the inside.
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Award Show Season! I have no idea if there is an official start to Award Show Season, and perhaps I already missed it, but judging from the guest list at last night's American Music Awards, this event had enough heavy hitters to qualify as the inaugural event. Britney Spears even took the stake soon after Jimmy Kimmel made fun of K-Fed calling him a "no-hit wonder", It's only a matter of time before she is publicly making fun of him herself. And it's going to be awesome.
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Sorry I'm coming to you a little bit late this afternoon, I've been busy practicing my audition routine to become the Newest Pussycat Doll. You should probably get started on yours, too. That's right, no longer must your eyes and ears bleed from having to watch and listen to their warbling, because you could be able to participate in their very special brand of Third Wave Feminism.
This fall, the CW (the bastard child of the UPN/WB merger) will air a series entitled "The Search for the Next Pussycat Doll." The title of the show is pretty self-explanatory, and if you can't figure out what the show will entail, well, perhaps you're the perfect candidate. Prove you can straddle chairs with the best of 'em. If you're the very best, you might just be able to Stickwitthem. Good one! Sigh, see you tomorrow.
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