Crack open a cold can of awesome and get a load of the Mission Gathering Church's billboard in San Diego, which reads:
Mission Gathering Christian Church is sorry for the narrow-minded, judgmental, deceptive, manipulative actions of those who took away the rights and equality of so many in the name of God.
Some crazy person showed up at LA's Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre yesterday waving around two samurai swords, because that's always a great idea. Sure enough, the man was shot and killed by one of the church's security guards. Is anyone surprised by this?
Police did not release the name of the guard or the man killed in the shooting, which occurred about noon. An investigator said the man had a history with the church but was not a member now. The tape showed the man arriving at the Celebrity Centre's Bronson Avenue parking lot in a red convertible, getting out of the vehicle and approaching a trio of security guards and waving a sword in each hand, [the LAPD deputy chief] said.
He said the man, who was described as being in his 40s, was 'close enough to hurt them' when the guard fired. The man was taken to County-USC Medical Center, where he was pronounced dead.
It was only a matter of time before something like this happened, we're just shocked it took this long.
Oh that liberal elite media and its terrible sense of humor! Everyone needs to get their heads checked, because Stephen Baldwin was simply making a hilarious joke when he said he would leave the country if Barack Obama became president. According to our least favorite Baldwin brother, "The liberal Democrats who didn't get that I was joking need to lighten up." Here's a thought, Steve-O: Perhaps everyone knew you were joking but, deep down, secretly hoped that you were serious and would pack your bags after Nov. 4.
The Jesus Freak (minus the Jesus) also takes issue with — surprise! — gay marriage: "If they legalize gay marriage in all 50 states in my lifetime, I'll get a Billy Ray Cyrus tattoo on my butt to go with the Hannah Montana one." Even more of a reason to help out the gays.
[Source]
Fresh off his role as the punchline to Gov. Mike Huckabee's presidential bid, Chuck Norris is taking a fresh stab at politics by weighing in on Proposition 8 protests. In an op-ed called "If Democracy Doesn't Work, Try Anarchy," he cries, "Where are the hate-crime cops when religious conservatives need them?"
The whole piece is a gobbledygook of half truths, race-baiting and feigned outrage that form a sort of Greatest Hits list of Yes On 8 talking points over the last week. Even though we've disproved these things half a dozen times already, we'll break it down again, because if there's one thing public education has proven it's that endless repetition can reach even the dimmest of minds.
The geniuses behind South Park, Trey Parker and Matt Stone, have set their sights on a new group of people to offend: Mormons. The duo will work with one of the creators of Avenue Q to produce a Broadway music based on the lives and loves of the religious group, set to run in 2009. The title? Mormon Musical.
Broadway heartthrob Cheyenne Jackson is already booked to star in the show, which he describes in the most predictable way possible: "It offends everybody but does what South Park does best, which is by the end it comes around and has something great to say."
Aaaaaaand here come the trolls.
Jay Newman, the pastor of St Mary Catholic Church in Greenville, SC, is asking parishioners who voted for Barack Obama to not present themselves for Communion until they've gone to confession and asked for forgiveness for cooperating with "intrinsic evil," "lest they eat and drink their own condemnation."
After the jump, this rotten, corrupted bastard Newman's letter of explanation:
CONTINUED »
MORMON TEMPLES UNDER ATTACK AFTER PROP 8 PASSAGE • "Letters containing a suspicious white powder were sent Thursday to Mormon temples in Los Angeles and Salt Lake City that were the sites of protests against the church's support of California's gay marriage ban. The temple in the Westwood area of Los Angeles was evacuated before a hazardous materials crew determined the envelope's contents were not toxic, said FBI spokesman Jason Pack. The temple in downtown Salt Lake City, where the church is based, received a similar envelope containing a white powder that spilled onto a clerk's hand. … Protests in recent days have targeted the Mormon church, which encouraged its members to fight the recently passed amendment banning gay marriage in California." [Photo]
The persecution of "witches" throughout the African continent continues.
Far worse than Thomas Muthee, Sarah Palin's spiritual adviser who famously ran an old lady from his village in Kenya after deeming her evil, is the story of the "child-witches" of Nigeria. Convinced by insane, stupid, greedy clerics that their children are being possessed wholesale by demons, Nigerian parents have taken to abandoning boys and girls as young as five after torturing them for their sins. The innocents who have survived their attacks now clog the West African nation's refuges.
BLACK PRESIDENT TO MAKE WAY FOR BLACK POPE? "The election of Barack Obama as the first African-American US President could pave the way for the election of the first black Pope, according to a leading black American Catholic. Wilton Daniel Gregory, 60, the Archbishop of Atlanta, said that in the past Pope Benedict XVI had himself suggested that the election of a black pontiff would 'send a splendid signal to the world' about the universal Church. Archbishop Gregory, who in 2001 became the first African American to head the US Bishops Conference, serving for three years, said that the election of Mr Obama was 'a great step forward for humanity and a sign that in the United States the problem of racial discrimination has been overcome'. Like Mr Obama Archbishop Gregory comes from Chicago, and was previously Bishop of Belleville, Illinois."
The most entertaining portion of last night's election coverage wasn't on CNN or FOX News — it was on Facebook, where all of the crazies congregated to update their statuses in rapid succession. As you may know, I spent the first 22 years of my life in Texas, so 90 percent of my friends on the networking site are Republicans. I did not know, however, that most of them are also clinically insane.
After the jump, my top 10 favorite (and by favorite I mean infuriating) statuses from the aftermath of Barack Obama's victory — and yes, the picture at left is someone's actual Facebook photo.
Oh, and the names have been hidden to protect the ignorant.
Update: E-mail me any appalling statuses you find on your friends' Facebook pages! E-mail to: whitney@mollygood.com.
Our favorite Baldwin brother, Alec, chatted with David Letterman last night about his stint on SNL with national joke Sarah Palin. He has great things to say about the lady, although he admits he doesn't want "her hand on the nuclear button." Sounds like someone's been talking to Matt Damon.
He also shows off his not-as-good-as-Tina Fey Palin impression and reminds us how senile his Bible thumping brother, Stephen, has truly become.
Have no fear, increasingly poor readers, everything's gonna be fine. Some 700 Club glossolalist pronounced today a Day of Prayer for the World’s Economies and intends to fix all your financial woes! Here's a bunch of saddies huddled around the Charging Bull on Wall Street, praying for money to a false idol, just like their God told them not to. DESPERATE TIMES!
[Source]
The insufferable Perez Hilton, dressed as Jesus Christ, helped Katy Perry (as the late Freddie Mercury) celebrate her 24th birthday party last night in West Hollywood. This just begs the question: What kind of person invites Perez Hilton to his or her birthday party?
[Source]
MADGE'S RABBI WANTS DIVORCE KEPT HUSH HUSH "Madonna is facing a major fall-out with her kabbalah leaders who are demanding an immediate out of court settlement to her divorce from Guy Ritchie. Rabbi Berg, the most senior kabbalah member and her spiritual leader, has instructed her that the ongoing mudslinging and prospect of a court battle between the sect's two most high-profile members could badly damage its image. Berg has now given Madonna a 24-hour deadline to come back to him with a plan to mediate towards a swift divorce resolution using a round-table of kabbalah leaders chaired by him."
MICHAEL LOHAN TRYING TO GET BACK INTO CASH COW'S GOOD GRACES "Lindsay Lohan’s estranged father, Michael, feels bad about criticizing her girlfriend, Samantha Ronson. 'I definitely regret all the things I said about Samantha. … I'm a Christian. I should not pass judgment on anyone.'"
RELIGIOUS RIGHT STILL VERY HYPOCRITICAL "Harvey Weinstein won't be seeing his favorite 'porno' in Salt Lake City. Utah Jazz owner Larry Miller's Megaplex Theatres refused to book the Weinstein Company's new R-rated comedy 'Zack and Miri Make a Porno,' starring Seth Rogan and Elizabeth Banks, saying it's too raunchy for religious, conservative audiences. 'We feel it's very close to an NC-17 with its graphic nudity and graphic sex,' the chain's Cal Gunderson told us. Asked why Megaplex has no problem showing the R-rated, ultra-violent 'Saw V,' which shows a man forced to crush his own hands to escape a pendulum cutting him in half, Gunderson said: 'No comment.'"
Muslims voting for John McCain and his gun nut running mate are both courageous and rare, so one would imagine the Republican ticket would loudly herald the small constituency the way a botanist might a flower that blooms once a decade. One, it turns out, would be wrong. For their willingness to both see past the GOP's brass-bound ties to Israel and brave the hate pits of monkey dolls and epithets that McCain and Palin are calling rallies, Republican-voting Muslims are repaid with a whole lot of "get the fuck away from us before people think we support terrorism!"
To wit:
CONTINUED »
Editor
