Scientology's biggest advocate and worst spokesperson, Tom Cruise, is addressing that whole misunderstanding in which he jumped up and down on Oprah's couch like a crazy person. Of course, none of it makes much sense:

There are things that I could have done better. I could have handled things better. I was surprised at the criticism but it brought everyone closer together: Katie's entire family and my family. Going through that stuff is not pleasant and I think it hit an extreme, but Kate's a very sure and confident and strong woman. She gets it, you know.

She gets that you're insane? That's good. And on to daughter Suri, who is constantly paraded in front of the paparazzi like a circus pony:

I don't want her to be afraid of people. I'm not going to live in fear or have her be frightened of people. She's very open and warm with lots of love and understanding. She's happy and fun. She'll just wave to people in the street.

Fair enough, Tom, but remember: It's one thing to raise a child to be friendly, it's another to raise a child to be emotionally unstable. We have a feeling you're teetering on the latter scenario.

More information is now being made available about Mario Majorski, the crazy person who snapped and stormed the Scientology Celebrity Centre in Hollywood yesterday armed with two samurai swords. Of course, the confrontation ended in death when the building's guards shot and killed Majorski, a former Scientologist.

Over recent years, the man demonstrated his lack of mental stability. He swung an ax at an Auto Club employee, was arrested at a Mormon church service for disorderly conduct, threatened to shoot police who attempted to investigate his home, and even picked up a restraining order from the medical facility at which his mother (who has since died) was a patient. And, to top it all off, he made a series of threatening phone calls in 2005 to the Scientology offices in LA and Oregon. The church described the threats as "ranging from veiled statements that 'something bad' would happen to the church to direct threats of violence."

And check out that mug shot! If that doesn't send chills down your spine, we don't know what will.

Some crazy person showed up at LA's Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre yesterday waving around two samurai swords, because that's always a great idea. Sure enough, the man was shot and killed by one of the church's security guards. Is anyone surprised by this?

Police did not release the name of the guard or the man killed in the shooting, which occurred about noon. An investigator said the man had a history with the church but was not a member now. The tape showed the man arriving at the Celebrity Centre's Bronson Avenue parking lot in a red convertible, getting out of the vehicle and approaching a trio of security guards and waving a sword in each hand, [the LAPD deputy chief] said.

He said the man, who was described as being in his 40s, was 'close enough to hurt them' when the guard fired. The man was taken to County-USC Medical Center, where he was pronounced dead.

It was only a matter of time before something like this happened, we're just shocked it took this long.

LAWSUIT ACCUSES JUDGES OF TAKING SCIENTOLOGY BRIBES "Tom Cruise and the Church of Scientology are the targets of an amended Florida lawsuit that seeks more than a quarter of a billion dollars, FBLA has learned. Ex-Scientologist Peter Letterese, using the RICO statute against the Church of Scientology, originally sought $250,000,000 in a suit filed in July. In the amended suit, filed Oct. 24, he added another $15 million to the total. In court papers obtained by FBLA, Letterese leveled serious charges against Cruise and the Church. He claimed that Cruise and Scientology bribed and improperly influenced a federal judge, a Florida state judge and a federal bankruptcy trustee to tie up his original law suit in bankruptcy court. Letterese's lawyers are really putting a lot on the line, potentially their careers, accusing federal and state judges of taking pay offs,' said Los Angeles private eye Paul Barresi, who had done some work for Cruise in the past."

CRUISE TO HELP ROAST 'GLIB' LAUER "In June 2005, Today Show anchor Matt Lauer took Tom Cruise to task on live TV for the actor's controversial, anti-psychiatry, pro-Scientology beliefs, and in the process created one of the most memorable interviews in the long history of the morning chatfest. And now … the Oscar nominee may be getting his revenge by making a surprise appearance at today's Friars Club roast for the NBC star! While the Friars Club's official line is that Tom isn't scheduled to be part of the Matt-mocking, insiders continue to tell OK! that a super-surprise appearance by Mr. Katie Holmes is indeed in the works, and that it has been planned for weeks."

Click through for video for video of the infamous showdown, dear glib readers.

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Of all the rumors in Hollywood, Will Smith's love of men remains one of the most pervasive.

We've been hearing for years that the super star and his wife, Jada Pinkett Smith, both go for the same-sex. It came as no surprise, then, to hear that Smith, who's been palling around with Tom Cruise and his anti-gay Scientologists, has spent some time with male prostitutes in the past. From the ever-vigilant Ian Halperin:

According to a notorious Hollywood Madame, Smith was a client of hers for years before she packed up shop and moved her operation to Manhattan earlier this year.

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We would ask what happened to Katie Holmes, but we already know the answer: Tom Cruise happened to Katie Holmes. It's a shame, too, because she's a pretty girl who seemingly had her head on straight before the Scientology wizards got a hold on her. Now she's simply a shell of her former self, prancing around in mom jeans and Posh's latest haircut.

Here's a clip of her upcoming performance in Eli Stone. We're assuming the scene is supposed to present Katie as some sex kitten, but it just makes us feel extremely uncomfortable. Fail.

Jennifer Lopez, friend and relative of a plethora of Scientologists, defended the religion in a recent interview — but she's totally not a member of the cult. She just holds the same beliefs, hopes to school her children in Scientology lessons and thinks it's a great way of life. Got it?

I do know a lot about Scientology. And I know about the practices. I know all about what the technology is and all that kind of stuff. It's very helpful. So in a sense, yeah, you do call on it. No [I don't consider myself a Scientologist]. I wouldn't have a problem saying it because I know what it is. I have no problems with it and it really actually bothers me that people have such a negative feeling towards it.

J.Lo went on to tell about a nervous breakdown she had a few years ago on the set of Enough: "Right away they want to give you pills. But I have never liked the idea of pills and kept saying no to that. … I've still never been to a shrink. I'm not a shrinky person." So you don't believe in medicine or shrinks. Hmm. If it walks like a duck…

[Source]

Katie Holmes' Broadway debut in All My Sons last night was not without incident. No, Tom didn't beat a man bloody with his small but lightning-fast balled fists. As has become the norm at any event attended by noteworthy Scientologists, 'twas those funny, funny, funny Anonymous weirdos keeping it interesting:

About 30 protesters lined up at the Gerald Schoenfeld Theatre and chanted “Scientology kills!”

Some wore masks like in the movie “V for Vendetta,” and one poster read: “FREE KATIE.”

FRANCE HATES SCIENTOLOGY "The Church of Scientology faces trial on deletion fraud charges in Paris, with the possibility that the organization, which claims around 5,000 active members in France in addition to a bevy of Hollywood celebrities such as Tom Cruise, could be banned in France if it loses. 'Scientology is a dangerous movement,' Milivudes president Jean-Michel Roulet told ABCNews.com. 'It puts pressure on its victims, it tries to intimidate them and blackmails them.'"

• Just in time for the weekend: Drunk celebrities! [CityRag]

• DMX is behind bars. Try to hide your shock. [ICYDK]

• Pete Wentz can't stop being a d-bag. [DListed]

• Britney and Jamie Lynn Spears organized a mini family reunion, and somebody forgot to leave Lynne off the invite list. [PS]

• The latest celebrity to join Scientology. [Yeeeah]

• Jamie Kennedy can't keep it in his pants. [INO]

FRANCE LASHES OUT AT SCIENTOLOGY "A French judge has ordered two departments and seven prominent members of the Church of Scientology in France to stand trial on charges of organized fraud, a judicial source said on Monday. The case is the latest in a series of legal battles that have pitted the French judicial system against the Scientologists, who could be forced to stop their activities in France if found guilty. The latest suit centers on a complaint made in 1998 by a woman who said she she was enrolled into the Church of Scientology by a group of people she met outside a metro station. In the following months, she said she paid 140,000 francs (21,340 euros) for 'purification packs' and books which she said were a fraud. … Judge Jean-Christophe Hullin ruled that the Scientologists' Celebrity Center, bookstore and seven Church leaders should be tried for fraud and 'illegally practicing as pharmacists'."

• Can you sense the Fashion Week excitement? [ICYDK]

• Ruh roh: Alec Baldwin takes on the Scientologists. This is not going to end well. [INO]

• There's a reason Hef's bunnies are blonde. [HT]

• Things went horribly wrong at an Oasis concert, of all places. [DListed]

• Doing the impossible: Finding the 10 best moments of last night's VMAs. [Yeeeah]

• Both Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt showed up for the Toronto Film Festival. Everyone survived. [PS]

CRUISE TURNING TO COMEDIES TO SURVIVE "After his hilarious turn in Tropic Thunder, Tom Cruise’s comedic strategy for revitalizing his image seems to be on track. Next step in crafting Tom’s new public persona may be doing a little something for your kids, by voicing a character in Shrek 4.

'SAVE KATIE' "When Katie Holmes’ Broadway show 'All My Sons' opens Oct. 16, ticket holders won’t be the only ones in attendance. The anti-Scientology group Anonymous will be on hand for Holmes’ Broadway debut as well. The group confirms that a protest will take place opening night. 'We aren’t looking to shut it ('All My Sons') down, we don’t have the power to do that, we just want to prove a point,' one spokesperson (who remains anonymous, natch) confirmed via phone. … Of the group’s plans to picket the 'Sons' opening, the spokesperson said their main aim was to 'save Katie.'"

The Holmes backlash has been in effect for quite awhile now, what with her marrying that crazy guy and bearing his creepily-perfect alien love baby. But give credit where credit is due, Holmes isn't the worst actress in Hollywood today. (Melanie Griffith still gets work.)

Although fans of the Dark Knight were relieved when Maggie Gyllenhaal took over to play Katie's role, Holmes has always been one of those young actresses whose performance can best be described with words like "decent," "acceptable," and "passing." She was very good in Thank You For Smoking, actually. Unfortunately, as Mrs. Cruise tries to take Xenu's gospel to the Great White Way, her acceptable mediocrity isn't bowling over the Broadway audiences:

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Katie Holmes flew across the country from her Broadway rehearsals to attend husband Tom Cruise's Tropic Thunder premiere last night in LA, because no Cruise-related event is complete without Katie's dead eyes and silent cries for help. We're hoping Katie just ate more lettuce leaves than normal, because if that's a baby bump we should probably start stocking up on bottled water and flashlights.

[Source]