Because there aren't enough VH1 reality dating shows, the network recruited Ray J, who is mainly famous for starring in a sex tape with Kim Kardashian, to be its next bachelor. Um, we thought he was dating Whitney Houston, no? Not that it matters — this is all about as real as Santa Claus.
The producers are looking for desperate contestants who are "smart, attractive women over 21 who think they can handle the drama of celebrity life." Why would they need to handle celebrity life if they're just dating Ray J?
As if Jesus didn't have enough problems, now he has to deal with his latest fan, Spencer Pratt. We'll let Spence do the talking:
I’m a work in progress. I’d never been to church until I met Heidi. She got me to go — it was a big step. The walls shook a little bit as I first cruised in, but Jesus and I are making the connection. I’m trying to live a more positive, holy life, but it takes work. It’s hard not sinning, you know?
Heidi’s there going, ‘What would Jesus do? What would Jesus do?’ And I’m like, ‘Jesus gave me these great comebacks.' And she’s like, ‘No, that’s the devil.’
Interesting, Heidi. We weren't aware that Jesus got breast implants and spread sex tape rumors to Perez Hilton, but maybe we missed that part of the Bible.
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In news that is surely devastating to 13-year-old boys everywhere, Kim Kardashian announced that she plans to lose weight in her butt. Evidently Kim has grown weary of the constant media attention that surrounds her rear: "I'm just so over it! When you're posing on the red carpet and the paparazzi shout, 'Turn around! Turn around!' — it gets a little offensive."
Fair enough, Kim, but then how will you stay in the spotlight? It's not like you ever do anything worthy of celebrity, unless you count that sex tape. The only reason anybody knows who you are is because of your famous ass, so you might want to reconsider your plans to tone it down.
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Poor Verne Troyer. The actor and newest Hollywood sex tape star has been through the ringer lately thanks to his famewhoring ex-girlfriend, who has opened her mouth yet again. The rep for Ranae Shrider starts by insulting Mini Me's financial situation, saying he can't pay his taxes "because he is paying his lawyer hundreds of thousands of dollars to file ridiculous lawsuits." Also? Verne is "a small-minded, vindictive, heartbroken, desperate and trivial celebrity." Harsh, but coming from a small-minded, vindictive, heartbroken, desperate and trivial wannabe celebrity is almost laughable.
But the final punch came with this lovely statement: "Ms. Shrider would still like to thank Mr. Troyer for the 'lasting' gifts he has imparted her with." Uh, OK? What the hell does that mean?
Precious little Verne Troyer still can't catch a break: This time, he's suing ex-girlfriend Ranae Shrider for "intentional infliction of emotional distress and battery." Also getting hit with a lawsuit is a lawyer who Verne says tried to broker a deal for the sale of that horrendous sex tape. Can we sue him too? Because nobody needs to see that.
The allegations against Ranae include an incident in which she picked the lock to his bedroom door, picked up Verne and then threw him on the floor. Verne's lawyer put it this way: "When you pick up a 2-foot-8 human being and throw him to the floor, it hurts." Solid point.
Verne's suing Ranae for $20 million, which means she's going to have to start making the talk show rounds in the next few weeks. Prepare your DVRs.
You probably don't want to revisit this, but remember when Dustin Diamond tried to get the public to help pay his mortgage by purchasing autographed T-shirts online? And then when that didn't work, he attempted to profit from starring in a sex tape? That was naturally followed by two stints on Celebrity Fit Club, and yet he still hasn't had enough public exposure.
So he's finally come up with a genius idea: a Saved by the Bell tell-all, appropriately titled Behind the Bell. Screech promises "sexual escapades among cast members, drug use, and hardcore partying." We'll be the first to admit it: We're going to purchase this book the day it's released.
• Diddy takes to YouTube to announce his discovery that he has 10 fingers and 10 toes. [DListed]
• Rumor has it someone secretly filmed Madonna and A-Rod having sex. Too bad that person won't be able to enjoy all that money he's going to receive from behind bars. [INO]
• The paparazzi are still chasing around Ashley Dupre for reasons unknown. [HT]
• Why Drew Barrymore and Justin Long split: "Justin gently suggested to Drew that they both slow down on the drinking, and she didn’t take it well. Drew believes she has control over her drinking." We've heard that one before. [Yeeeah]
• Pictures of Brad and Angelina cuddling on a hospital roof — except they're so blurry it could be some random hobos off the street, for all we know. [PS]
• Lindsay Lohan's new line of leggings is already sold out? Really? Really? [ICYDK]
Our favorite little guy, Verne Troyer, received great news this weekend as a judge shot down the distribution of that disturbing sex tape Mini Me made with his famewhore ex-girlfriend. Snippets of the 50-minute tape were leaked to TMZ last month — but Verne must approve of the selling or distributing of the tape, and he vowed he will do no such thing.
Good move, Verne. Seriously, we kind of love him, but no one wants to see his reptilian tongue darting in and out of that loser's mouth.
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I never thought I'd say this, and I'm probably alone here, but I've grown a soft spot in my heart for Verne Troyer. He seems to be getting the raw end of the deal with this disgusting sex tape scandal, and to add insult to injury, he's still sharing a house with his ex-girlfriend who sold the tape to TMZ in the first place.
'She's still in the house,' Troyer said, noting that he’s taking legal action to force her out, but their situation 'makes it even harder, to, you know, not strangle her.' According to the actor, his brunette ex has been taunting him. 'I saw her when I left today, and she was calling me names and stuff…so I can't get away from it,' he said, choking back tears.
Troyer said friends, family and attorney are helping him pull through the mess, but that the embarrassment 'has already started affecting [work opportunities].'
But the real "aww" factor came into play when Verne shared my favorite Heath Ledger on-set story to date. CONTINUED »
Ranae Shrider, the lovely woman who filmed a sex tape with Verne Troyer and then leaked it on the Internet, is playing this "scandal" like a pro. Not only has she been seen all over the World Wide Web with Mini Me's reptilian tongue darting down her throat — now she's speaking out to the media and sharing way too many details about the former couple's sex life.
As for their fairytale romance, Ranae admits that as soon as she met Verne she was so captivated by his personality she no longer cared that he was less than three feet tall: "I liked him so much I even gave up wearing high heels for six months." Sounds like love, no?
Unfortunately for us, true love didn't last forever in this instance, which means we are now being treated to the details of the couple's sex life — after the jump, for those who have already eaten breakfast. CONTINUED »
The great (and by "great" we mean "annoying") thing about Heidi Montag is that she's a mystery: Does she really believe the stuff that comes out of her mouth or is it all a big joke? And if it's a joke, why does she insist on being the punch line?
Lately, Horse Face has gone off on a Christianity tangent, claiming she reads the Bible every day and is a "kind of non-denominational Baptist." Whatever that means. Also? She plans to insult God through the power of her terrible music by recording a Christian album.
I have been the most religious person since I was 2 years old. I always felt this crazy connection to God. … God knows the truth in all of [the Lauren Conrad sex tape rumors], and at the end of the day, that is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and I'm going to get persecuted, ya know?
Because if there's anyone who reminds us of Christ, it's Heidi Montag. And to further prove her point, Heidi says she and Spencer Pratt plan to go be missionaries in Africa to "feed children and help build things."
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Verne Troyer is now a mini litigant in a a $20 million lawsuit filed yesterday afternoon against TMZ, the often stupid but rarely wrong gossip site he claims violated his rights by publishing and airing portions of his sex tape.
Troyer alleges the tape was obtained illegally before ending up in the hands of the same porn purveyor who released One Night in Paris, the Oscar-nominated drama about a rich girl who sleeps with terrible men to feel fleeting notions of worth.
Surely, this whole dustup has nothing to do with obtaining free publicity for Troyer's new film, The Love Guru, which is currently tanking at the box office. And racist.
We are of the school of thought that any celebrity sex tape made public is usually the doing of said celebrity, and this time is no different: Verne Troyer, also lovingly referred to as Mini Me, has leaked an X-rated video shot with his ex-girlfriend. Kevin Blatt, sex tape distributor to the stars, is peddling the tape for $100,000, which is $100,000 too much.
As a lovely preview of the tape, please direct your attention to the left. And then feel free to throw up your breakfast. (Image has since been removed.)
Let’s face it — unless, due to some warped, wishful thinking, you are convinced that the real R. Kelly is “I Believe I Can Fly” and not “You Remind Me of My Jeep,” or you are just such a die-hard fan that you are completely delusional, most people believe that R. Kelly did indeed film himself having sex with and pissing on his 14-year-old goddaughter, whether they’re in the cut-off-his-balls or the she-was-old-enough-to-know-what-she-wanted camp. You believe this because you saw the tape — which very clearly shows R. Kelly and a sickeningly young girl in an ugly wood-paneled room one might also have seen if one had tuned into his MTV Cribs episode — or because you know that R. Kelly married a 15-year-old Aaliyah, or because you’ve heard about the multiple settlements he’s paid to underage girls who have accused him of sexual misconduct.
The jury saw the same tape many of us did (I was in college; it still makes me queasy to think about it). And, from what they’re saying in post-trial interviews, they saw what everyone else saw. So why the hell did R. Kelly get away with it? There was one little thing. Well, one big thing.
OK, so this is another Hills post. But before you start shaking your fists and cursing my name, let me state for the record that I truly feel in my heart this is worthy of a posting, if only for the pure enjoyment of watching David Letterman make fun of Spencer Pratt for six minutes. To make matters worse, Dave gets so annoyed by Spencer that he resorts to visiting Heidi in the green room, where the interview grows 10 times more awkward than previously imagined. By the end of it all, I'm still left wondering: With The Hills on hiatus and no LC sex tape rumor to promote, what the hell was Spencer doing on Letterman in the first place? CONTINUED »
R. Kelly’s tell-tale mole has been found, the tape has been verified, the young girl has been identified by friends and family, and the prosecution in R. Kelly’s child pornography trial has rested its case. Yesterday, 27-year-old Lisa Van Allen testified that she had multiple three-way encounters with Kelly and the victim when the victim was underage.
R Kelly's defense team in his child pornography trial hit a dark patch on Thursday—literally.
Although lawyers for Kelly had claimed that a mole the singer has on his back was not shared by the man from the sex tape on which this trial is based, prosecutors yesterday used advanced digital imaging to prove that, indeed, the man from the tape has the exact same mole. Uh oh!
Kelly and his attorneys looked grim and dejected during the expert's testimony, while prosecutors looked pleased, appearing to smile as they sat at their courtroom table.
R Kelly's next hit: "Trapped in the Jail Cell (and Getting My Teeth Kicked In)"
SEX TAPES, DRUGS AND R&B "Ray J was tossed out on his behind early Saturday morning from the Hyatt Regency in D.C., because Brandy's bro allegedly had a stash of marijuana and a drug called 'Boat' (a club drug). … Our sources say the singer tried to bribe hotel security so he could stay but they didn't bite."
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