GOVERNMENT EXTINGUISHES TRUTH "Have you seen the new Bette Davis postage stamp? It's a photo from ALL ABOUT EVE, and after staring at it for a while I realized there was something wrong. She has a gloved hand raised beneath her chin in a very awkward pose. They removed a cigarette from her fingers! Censorship from our Uncle Sam. Didn't they think anyone would notice? Film historians should revolt!"
• Shia LaBeouf and Megan Fox holding hands. Who didn't see that coming? [PS]
• Eva Mendes has had sex in all 50 states. Yay, America! [Yeeeah]
• Anne Hathaway secretly smokes, according to a random source. Wow, HUGE scandal. [INO]
• A lovely definition of The Shocker. [CityRag]
• Gwyneth Paltrow insists she can't diet, and it was really challenging to lose the extra 20 pregnancy pounds. Poor thing. [DListed]
• Lance Bass is considering adoption. What a lucky child. [ICYDK]
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Not content with letting her husband soak up all the spotlight, Amy Winehouse's mother has weighed in with her theories on the singer's recent hospitalization.
The truth is that Amy ended up in hospital this week because she mixed up the medication she's taking to help her come off drugs. She took a wrong tablet.
I really don't think she's using now. Being diagnosed with the early stage of emphysema was a real jolt to her. A bit of a wake-up call. Mind you, I think she does have the odd sneaky cigarette. Give her a break, she's not a miracle worker.
Poor Amy doesn't seem to stand a chance, seeing as how "crazy" and "delusional" run in her family.
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It's a shame Amy Winehouse isn't worried about her health because we are instead treated to her father's public cries for attention. The latest statement from Mitch Winehouse informs all of us that Amy could die of emphysema. Sure, he said that last time — and it was just as unnecessary then as it is now, but it's worth a second listen:
My biggest fear is that she would die, but she won't die of a drug overdose. It won't be that quick. She would die, unfortunately, of emphysema. We would be talking about a very slow and painful death, gasping for air.
I would ask any people who would supply her with substances to think on that. … I want people to understand — even if they give her one cigarette, they're causing her harm.
That's nice to keep blaming others for your daughter's problems, Mitch, but what about when Amy supplies herself with cigarettes, as always seems to be the case? Whose fault is that?
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Amy Winehouse was released from the hospital for a few hours last night to rehearse for an upcoming gig at Nelson Mandela's birthday party. Couldn't the staff handcuff her to the bed? That seems to be the best solution at the moment.
Meanwhile, Amy's rep was hard at work on the spin machine, explaining that reports that Amy has emphysema are exaggerations:
[Amy suffers from] scarring of the lungs which could lead to emphysema. If she keeps doing the wrong things, then it could lead to it. If she does the right things, it won't.
So, naturally, Amy reportedly smoked a cigarette upon walking out of the hospital. Because she's serious about her health.
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• Behold Tom Cruise! Tom Cruise is disgusted with you puny humans. Tom Cruise will laugh with glee when your blood stains the streets. [CityRag]
• "[Dina Lohan] has been named one of Long Island's top 20 moms by Mingling Moms." [DListed]
• Simon Cowell smokes Kools! [ICYDK]
• "If something’s cool and funky and I like it, it doesn’t matter how much it costs." -Vanessa Hudgens, role model [INO]
• Hey, everyone: Mischa Barton is a real woman with real legs. Get over it. [HT]
• Britney Spears recently took a private jet to Kentwood, Louisiana to attend her 17-year-old sister's baby shower. Smashing apart the class system is great.[Yeeeah]
By popular demand: William Shatner's preposterous live cover of Elton John's "Rocket Man." Can you believe the 70s? The ambitious art! The smoking wherever you damn well pleased! The willingness of large crowds to indulge drug-induced madness! We'll say it again: we were born much too late.
After the jump, the sad degree to which public benders have fallen.
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VIRGIN SHUNS LOVE "Courtney Love is the latest celebrity to be banned from flying. The singer and her daughter Frances Bean Cobain were headed back to London on Monday … when she decided that her need for nicotine outweighed the consequences of breaking the airport no smoking laws. The smoking violation took place in the first class lounge of Virgin Atlantic at LAX. A spokesperson for the airline confirmed that Love was prevented from boarding her flight and was not allowed to fly out until the next evening."
We all know celebrities love smoking, and good for them, because now — at least in New York — they'll be the only ones who can afford it. After being driven from the bars and made to pay a $1.50 per pack "sin tax," NYC smokers are getting it from the lawman once again, with legislators planning on doubling the already large cigarette tax. This will boost the average price of a pack in New York City to an unheard of $9, thereby making Camel Lights more expensive than crack.
Miracles do happen, especially for the rich and famous!
Dancer, actor and terminal cancer patient Patrick Swayze has been tapped by a team of British surgeons to undergo a possibly life-saving procedure. Although Swayze is currently smoking away his final days here in the States, the doctors of the Royal Free Hospital in London think he's a great candidate for a radical new medical technique that involves reworking a patient's veins. Performed for the first time in December, the surgery is expected to save hundreds of lives per year.
Why Swayze wasn't offered this treatment by his American doctors we don't know. We thought medical professionals toiling under socialized regimes like that of the UK were working with rusty spoons and a textbook.
Fake wizard Daniel Radcliffe is said to be burning through a pack of cigarettes per day on the set of the sixth Harry Potter film, Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince. The 18-year-old Radcliffe is said to have picked up the habit after many late nights spent with old "luvvies" like Kevin Spacey, and, as you can see, the disconnect between the adult act and his kid features make him look even more like a naughty 12-year-old home alone for the first time.
He's! Going! To! Die! You muckraking knobs! Stay out of his last moments on earth and let him puff in peace.
Here's your tragic anti-cigarette poster, ad clowns: A smoking, formerly dashing Mickey Rourke, who now looks to be composed of considerable amounts of old Silly Putty and chewed bubble gum. We doubt the Camels did that to his face, but they couldn't have helped.
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See, smokers? Cigarettes are like 9/11. Every time you smoke, you're being a terrorist. No, we have no idea how the two are similar, but when did controversial imagery stop being a strong case for and against things? So, thanks a lot, you bastards.
Fun fact: More than one rabid, unthinking ad agency thought this would be a good idea.
CRACKDOWN ON "R"EALITY "With full page ads in the New York Times and the Wall Street Journal, the state Health Department is encouraging the movie industry to consider smoking - along with nudity and violence - when applying ratings. State Health Commissioner Dr. Richard Daines thinks cigarettes merit an 'R' rating, restricting the admittance of children under 18." The ads mentioned in the article cost the New York State Health Department $800,000.
• No hyperbole: Jared Leto's new song is the worst one I've heard in months. [ICYDK]
• "…Paris Hilton and Elisha Cuthbert were making out at Tenjune in NYC last night." [DListed]
• TV celebrity Katherine Heigl still smokes American Spirits! Where are the Dunhills, baby? [EBG]
• Jessica Alba's having a boy. You better believe his friends going to have a field day with the MILF jokes. [PS]
• Avril Lavigne may be pregnant with the world's smallest baby. [INO]
• "Bad luck charms" and "curses" aren't real. Wear the hat, Jessica. [HT]
• "Hey, your natural smell smells, one, like a man, and, two, smells like you." [Yeeeah]
• How gay is Top Gun? [CityRag]
Speaking of good parenting, here's a pregnant Lily Allen on a fag break. Her publicist promised the Daily Mail Allen didn't know she was pregnant at the time of the photo, but tell it to Asthmatic Alfred growing in her belly!
According to Scrubs creator Bill Lawrence, perennial disappointment Tara Reid will not be reprising her one-time role on the medical comedy. Reid was reportedly Lawrence's least favorite guest star, "'not because she wasn't a nice person,' but because she allegedly stank of booze and smokes." Well, of course she did.
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