Heidi Montag, one of the only members of Young Hollywood brave — or foolish — enough to publicly support John McCain, is quickly inserting herself into the GOP. She and Spencer Pratt dined with (in the vicinity of) George Bush at this year’s White House Correspondents Dinner, and yesterday she grabbed lunch with McCain’s daughter Meghan, who runs that blog. They ate at The Ivy, a spot where many famous people go to avoid being photographed by the paparazzi. Except, egads, the paps found ‘em! And they were tres interested in what they were up to! Well, not so much Meghan, because they didn’t have a clue who she was.
Can someone introduce us to a Jeopardy contestant who actually watches The Hills?
WHAT A JOKE “Why were Hills stars Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt at a firing range in L.A. Tuesday? ‘All the super soaker ranges were closed,’ Pratt joked to Usmagazine.com. ‘Seriously, we’re learning in honor of Heidi’s step-brother. … He loved guns and always wanted Heidi to become a great marksmen. We’re fulfilling his dream.’”
The hills are alive with the sound of M16 bursts! Yes, those are real guns Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt are caressing like awed monkeys, and, apparently, there’s a lot more where those came from: “The Hills couple has been concerned about their protection and … recently spent $10,000 on weapons at the Martin B. Retting store in Culver City, Calif.” As if these two sad, strange people weren’t frightening enough!
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The great (and by “great” we mean “annoying”) thing about Heidi Montag is that she’s a mystery: Does she really believe the stuff that comes out of her mouth or is it all a big joke? And if it’s a joke, why does she insist on being the punch line?
Lately, Horse Face has gone off on a Christianity tangent, claiming she reads the Bible every day and is a “kind of non-denominational Baptist.” Whatever that means. Also? She plans to insult God through the power of her terrible music by recording a Christian album.
I have been the most religious person since I was 2 years old. I always felt this crazy connection to God. … God knows the truth in all of [the Lauren Conrad sex tape rumors], and at the end of the day, that is the only thing that matters. Jesus was persecuted, and I’m going to get persecuted, ya know?
Because if there’s anyone who reminds us of Christ, it’s Heidi Montag. And to further prove her point, Heidi says she and Spencer Pratt plan to go be missionaries in Africa to “feed children and help build things.”
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You knew Spencer Pratt would have something to say after Mary-Kate Olsen and David Letterman discussed his weasel-like qualities, and boy is his response a doozy:
I don’t really get why she’d use my name to get press for her little indie film that no one’s going to see. She should probably focus more on not getting dressed in the dark than on me.
I know I’ve made it in Hollywood when a famous troll is talking about me on Letterman. I forgive her, though. She’s had to go through life as the less cute twin, which must be tough.
How big of you, Spence. It’s a shame nobody can forgive you for going through life as the biggest d-bag in America.
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I’m feeling honest today, so I’m about to do something therapeutic: I’m coming clean about some things I’m ashamed to admit that I enjoy. As part of my job, I have to be judgmental and critical — but sometimes I just want to confess my undying love for the celebrities and shows the public majority views as repulsive. So here’s my list of six things I’m embarrassed to reveal. Admitting my problem is the first step to recovery.
Oh, Olsen twins, why don’t you like food?
An exhausted Mary Kate Olsen – sans sister and a rubicund glow – stopped by Letterman last night to discuss being tired, being exhausted and Spencer Pratt, all while tiredly, exhaustedly hunching over. If nothing more, it was an exhibition of what a body is like when not it is not functioning properly.
You can imagine how quietly Letterman, whose tolerance for bullshit is the lowest on late night television, suffered the fool’s behavior.
Good news, y’all! Heidi Montag has released yet another single, and, according to Spencer Pratt, it’s “the greatest song of [his] life.” The song is titled “Fashion,” and Heidi even throws in a little French to make the song even more high-class. A sample of the lyrics, for those too self-respecting to listen:
I’m too fabulous / I’m so fierce that it’s so nuts / I live to be model thin / Dress me, I’m your mannequin
Seriously, this has to be a joke. No sane person could listen to this travesty and actually say, “Hey, let’s put this out for public consumption.” Right? … Right?
OK, so this is another Hills post. But before you start shaking your fists and cursing my name, let me state for the record that I truly feel in my heart this is worthy of a posting, if only for the pure enjoyment of watching David Letterman make fun of Spencer Pratt for six minutes. To make matters worse, Dave gets so annoyed by Spencer that he resorts to visiting Heidi in the green room, where the interview grows 10 times more awkward than previously imagined. By the end of it all, I’m still left wondering: With The Hills on hiatus and no LC sex tape rumor to promote, what the hell was Spencer doing on Letterman in the first place? CONTINUED »
Brody Jenner, all-American toy, has inked a deal with MTV to star in Bromance, a reality series that will follow The Hills monkey as he, and we fucking quote, “auditions a group of dudes to fill his ‘bro’ vacancy.”
Each week, losing contestants will be booted from Bromance’s bachelor pad in a “hot tub elimination ceremony,” until the ultimate broham has been chosen to fill the spot of Jenner’s ex-best broseph, Spencer Pratt.
Of course, twee ponce Ryan Seacrest is producing the massive mistake and laughing all the way to the munchkin bank where he gets his twinkle bucks. Sayeth the American Idol dildo, who doesn’t at all enjoy the press speculation about his sexuality: “I can speak from experience — girls can come and go, but a ‘bromance’ can last forever.” Let’s hope not.
Spencer Pratt and Heidi Montag ruined one of the most beloved children’s characters at an AIDS benefit yesterday in LA. Barney would have been infinitely cooler had he eaten the reality show losers, so now he’s kind of dead to me.
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We should have seen this coming: Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt started a Web site titled — of course — speidiweb.com. Spencer promises daily blog posts, pictures and quizzes: “You can do everything here that you can do on facebook or myspace,” Mr. Pratt brags. Our favorite part, however, is Heidi’s blog full of inspirational Bible verses. We’re pretty sure God isn’t interested in any of this nonsense, but what do we know?
Well, let’s discuss the good news first: As of this very moment, there are no plans for a Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt reality show.
The bad news: There will be a Hills spin-off — focusing on Lauren Conrad’s friend and co-worker Whitney Port, who has publicly said she would never move in with Lauren because she can’t handle the cameras being around at all times.
MTV is prepping a show in which Whitney Port, 23, becomes bicoastal while working for fashion PR firm People’s Revolution — and befriends a group of NYC gals (including socialite Olivia Palermo).
Says the insider: ‘There will be more blondes in the city than you ever expected!’
The only person less deserving of a Hills spin-off is dead-eyed Audrina Patridge. Seriously, we love Whitney and all, but there’s no way she can carry an entire reality show on her own. Why not give Lo her own series? Now that we would watch. (OK, fine. We’re going to watch Whit’s show, too.)
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Everyone’s favorite relationship guru, Spencer Pratt, gets patriotic on us this week with his Radar advice column. A woman writes in to ask if she should stay faithful to her deployed husband or begin a secret lesbian relationship with another military wife. Um, OK. Spencer then describes what cheating means to him, and it’s kind of deep until he suggests a three-way.
The aforementioned husband must be really proud to serve our country in order to protect our freedoms — freedoms like receiving cheating advice from a D-list reality show loser.
• How long til this kid appears on My Super Sweet 16? [DListed]
• Angelina Jolie is upset because Disney has yet to release a film featuring an African princess. Angie should really pick her battles. [ICYDK]
• That Jessica Simpson noise is actually doing pretty well on the charts. Well, at least she’s successful in one aspect of her life. Kind of. [INO]
• Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt invade Disneyland. Those poor, poor children. [PS]
• Barack Obama has finally secured the all-important Facebook vote. [SH]
Are you ready for the worst 30 seconds of your life? Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt and Pete Wentz teamed up to shoot a commercial for some new Friday Night MTV thing (called F N MTV), but for the first few seconds we thought we really were watching an episode of The Hills. If this is the couple “acting,” then that should clear up any confusion in the minds of the slower MTV viewers as to whether or not the Speidi relationship is authentic.
The MTV Movie Awards were held last night, and I admittedly couldn’t bring myself to sit through the hours-long crapfest. Just by looking at the pictures (after the jump), it’s obvious I didn’t miss much.
Anyone care to share exciting stories from the show (if you decided to punish yourself last night)? CONTINUED »
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