In a surprising turn of events, our girl crush and our boy crush are planning a "quiet first date" together after someone told Michael Phelps that Carrie Underwood thinks he's cute. The two reportedly started text-messaging, which led to Michael romancing Carrie by requesting that their first date not include dinner: "I’m not so sure you’d want to see me eat! It might not make a great first impression."

Carrie's friends are less than impressed by this development, insisting that she was "devastated when her relationship with Tony Romo broke" and doesn't need another high-profile celebrity waltzing in and out of her life. Except this is Michael Phelps we're talking about — give him a couple more months and he will no longer be high-profile. America has a short attention span.

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America is slowly overdosing on Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps, but it warms our heart to see he's actually doing some good with his popularity, besides just spending his free time rolling around in money and ruining upcoming episodes of SNL.

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IT'S ABOUT TIME "The International Olympic Committee (IOC) confirmed to The Epoch Times today that it has asked the International Gymnastics Federation to investigate the Chinese gymnastics underage fiasco, following new evidence that at least two gymnasts competed under the legal age in the Olympics."

Amidst false reports that Michael Phelps, the greatest Olympian/athlete/human being of all time, is dating fellow swimmer Amanda Beard, his hometown Baltimore paper has come out in defense of the golden boy to claim that everyone has it wrong. According to the Baltimore Sun, Phelps is off the market, but his girlfriend has been around for quite some time now and is not famous in the least.

This so-called girlfriend better watch out, however, because Michael's latest admirer is none other than Lindsay Lohan, who sent a text to Billy Bush to pass along to Phelps' mom, Debbie, saying her son was "[bleeping] amazing and I want to meet him!"

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America got slaughtered last night by China in the Olympic baseball games, which does exist. Not "slaughtered" like China kicked the United States' butt (they didn't, America won 9-1….GO U.S.A.!). Slaughtered like "did that batter just get hit by a Chinese pitcher again?" Yes, yes he did, but only because he was involved in taking out the Chinese catcher.

Watch video of the traumas below (which included a batter, Matt LaPorta, given a concussion, for eff's sake):

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Ever wondered what eight gold medals look like? No? Well, Michael Phelps wants to show you anyway, posing on the cover of Sports Illustrated with his winnings hanging around his neck. And if you were curious as to how popular he's become over the past couple of weeks, the media is now speculating on his love life, which means he's officially hit the big time. The two candidates for Michael's maybe-girlfriend are fellow Olympic swimmer Amanda Beard and model Lily Donaldson. The article left out his third potential girlfriend, Whitney, but it's probably best to keep that under wraps.

Now that President King Dictator Michael Phelps has won the Olympics — literally, the whole shebang is his — what's next? Doubtful that a guy could win eight gold medals in Beijing and then go back to Maryland with his dog to swim laps in the Potomac, although that looks as if it's Mikey's game-plan. Luckily, the money from Phelp's endorsements might last him long enough to buy a place in a nicer neighborhood than Baltimore; Speedo is writing him a cheque for $1 million as part of its promise for him winning eight gold medals, and that's on top of their existing endorsement deal, his sponorship gigs for Visa, Hilton, and Kellogg's (among others).

It leaves little doubt Phelps will add "richest Olympian" to his roster of personal records. But he's going to accomplish a more incredible feat: remaining relevant after the closing ceremonies. Indeed, where other celebrity Olympians disappeared into oblivion after their medal ceremonies, we see Phelps reaching the success of pro athletes who compete in leagues identified by three-letter acronyms.

Here's how:

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Michael Phelps won eight gold medals over the weekend, which officially sent the media into a frenzy, dubbing him the greatest athlete of all time and whatnot. It's not really surprising, but after the miraculous finish from Friday night's 100m fly we were admittedly a little nervous. You can watch the video from Friday night here and Saturday night here, if you actually have a life and haven't seen them replayed on television a thousand times.

We would like to take a moment to wish Michael Phelps luck over the weekend on his quest to win eight gold medals — he's already racked up six, so he's in the home stretch. Let's just hope there's no underage Chinese athletes waiting to sabotage the competition.

SHADY BUSINESS "Just nine months before the Beijing Olympics, the Chinese government's news agency, Xinhua, reported that gymnast He Kexin was 13, which would have made her ineligible to be on the team that won a gold medal this week."

Michael Phelps made history last night by winning his 10th and 11th career Olympic gold medals — and breaking world records along the way. Sure, you can call him a butterface, but the man is a machine and is doing things no other Olympic athlete has done before. And his attitude is still pretty impressive, as evidenced by his interview with the lovely Matt Lauer right before the games began.

HE'S A MACHINE "American swimmer Michael Phelps earned his third gold medal of the 2008 Beijing Olympics Tuesday morning — easily blowing away the competition in the 200-meter freestyle. He touched the wall in just 1:42.96 — a new world record — shaving almost a second off his old mark, set in Melbourne, Australia in 2007."

We love watching the Olympics for moments like the clip above, showcasing last night's men's 4×100m free relay (yes, the quality is bad and we can't understand a word the announcers are saying except for "Michael Phelps"). Let us set the stage for you: The team from France is favored to win. One of the French swimmers reportedly told the media: "The Americans? We're going to smash them. That's what we came here for." Oh, and Phelps is still on his quest for eight gold medals. It all comes down to the final leg, where Jason Lezak must swim the greatest race of his life. OK, maybe we're being overdramatic, but how can you not be excited after watching this?

Cynthia Rodriguez looks like she means business, and that attitude is carrying over into her divorce case with baseball player Alex. Although the two signed a prenuptial agreement, Cynthia has now decided she wants half of A-Rod's money earned during the couple's time together. Oh, and he can throw in a $12 million waterfront estate while he's at it.

While naming no figure, she petitioned for alimony and child support, including such benefits as life and health insurance and private schools — suggesting she be able to maintain the 'high standard of living' A-Rod has provided his family so far.

The good news for Alex is that the divorce is taking place in Florida, so he doesn't have to explain why his marriage is "irretrievably broken." We're sure Madonna is breathing a sigh of relief as well.

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Jessica Simpson is trying way too hard to fit in with the country music scene, as evidenced by her September cover of Elle magazine. During the interview she admits to "dating different types of guys and conforming to their worlds," and while we applaud her for recognizing the problem, she has yet to fix it. Rumor has it she's expressed the desire to just become a big-haired Texas football wife and devote her life to prancing around in cowboy boots and a Tony Romo jersey. Uh, Jess? The oversized belt buckle and new country album aren't going to make the Dallas Cowboy wives like you. Sorry.

• Jessica Simpson's father threatens Dallas Cowboys fans around the country: "She's coming to the games this year, so you better get ready. She's a fan from the beginning to the end." Or until she gets dumped. [PS]

• Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie are considering asking Bono to be the godfather to the holy twins, which pretty much seals those kids' fate in rehab. [INO]

• Denise Richards is still campaigning to win the title of Most Vile Person Ever. [DListed]

• Lindsay Lohan was hit by a motorcycle over the weekend in NYC. There were no injuries, but father Michael still felt the urge to blab about it to every media outlet who would listen. [Yeeeah]

• Britney Spears is on vacation — but has yet to learn how to escape the paparazzi. [HT]

• Desperation: Madonna and Guy Ritchie will renew their wedding vows in a pathetic attempt to shoot down those pesky divorce rumors. [ICYDK]

The pained expression you see at left is Eli Manning's best attempt at a smile during Justin Timberlake's EPSY Awards opening monologue. We couldn't sit through the eight minutes of footage because Justin was just so painful to watch — like a small child trying to keep the attention while all the adults just sit around and ignore him in hopes he will go away. Unfortunately, Justin and his ego stuck around throughout the show.

Click through for the clip and let us know how long you were able to sit through that mess.

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There are two sides to all celebrities: The squeaky-clean images forced upon the public by PR reps and their actual personalities. To provide you with a glimpse into the real Hollywood characters are Mollygood’s very own readers, telling tales of celebrity encounters big and small. Up this week: Reader Jana's special moment with Luke Wilson.

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