Suri Cruise confuses us because one moment she is in the running for Most Adorable Celebrity Baby of All Time and the next she's scaring the living daylights out of us. Here she is enjoying a day out in NYC's West Village with Katie doing all the things most children enjoy — dancing, talking to inanimate objects and avoiding the paparazzi.
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• If Tom Cruise allowed Katie Holmes to drink alcohol. [CityRag]
• Most bizarre feud ever: Roseanne vs. Angelina Jolie. [INO]
• Tori Spelling reminds us of why plastic surgery isn't always the answer. [Yeeeah]
• When did Lauren Conrad turn into Ashlee Simpson? [PS]
• Malaysia thinks Avril Lavigne is "too sexy." That makes one of us. [ICYDK]
• Jennifer Lopez is training for a triathlon, but we have a feeling this will never come to fruition. [DListed]
Tom Cruise arrived in Manhattan to follow Katie around town and parade Suri in front of the cameras to distract us with her cuteness. Suri really hates the paparazzi, doesn't she? And at such a young age. It's almost unsettling.
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The lovely Suri Cruise has already developed a resentment for the paparazzi, as evidenced by her attempt to hide her face after attending a Broadway performance of The Little Mermaid. She truly is wise beyond her years.
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• The Katie Holmes look is hitting stores. [INO]
• Suri Cruise: Still adorable, still on the bottle, still the second coming of Xenu. [PS]
• Jennifer Aniston wants to have John Mayer's children and "can't wait for Brad Pitt to see pictures of her holding her own baby." All the right reasons. [DListed]
• Jenna Jameson is pregnant. God help us all. [Yeeeah]
• Rihanna and Chris Brown may or may not be dating and now they may or may not be engaged. [ICYDK]
• Introducing the newest problem faced by our youth: Puppy Gangs. [CityRag]
• The most annoying reality show phrase in the history of television. [DListed]
• Amy Winehouse finally admits she took heroin while in rehab. Good to know she's taking her health and recovery seriously. [ICYDK]
• Speaking of Amy, she punched a fan. Nope, we're not recycling a story from last week — it just happened again. [Yeeeah]
• Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy share the same swimsuit, and we can't decide who looks beter. [HT]
• Who does E! think has the best beach body of all time? (Hint: We beg to differ.) [INO]
• Suri Cruise is starting to sprout her Scientology antenna. [PS]
Really, what kind of readers get excited over this stuff?
Start buying your tickets now: Katie Holmes is coming to Broadway. The wife of Mr. Crazy himself, Tom Cruise, will escape the LA Scientology Center to join the revival of Arthur Miller's All My Sons, which debuts this fall. It's unsure whether Tom and Suri will be joining her here in the city, and for our sake, we sure hope not. Besides, Katie needs no distractions as she learns to reprogram new vocabulary into her system.
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Tommy and his robot lady are on Oprah right now. Click through for a couple notes on the show from Lauren, who wisely didn't come into the office today.
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In Touch picked up on sister mag Life & Style's Suri Cruise obsession this week with stalker photos and insider details surrounding the tot's birthday party.
Tom Cruise reportedly spent $100,000 on the extravaganza, which is so ridiculous we don't even need to say anything about it. The cost included $17,000 for fresh flowers, $45,000 on catering and $5,000 for cakes. But these weren't just any pastries: Each guest received a personalized cake and Suri was treated to a four-tier cake covered in buttercream frosting, bumblebees and butterflies. Oh, and Katie received $230 worth of Sprinkles cupcakes. Who knew she ate?
The celebration continued into the evening when Tom and Katie invited their own friends — including Eva Longoria Parker, David and Victoria Beckham, Will and Jada Pinkett Smith, and Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy — to a private bash. Because we're sure that was on Suri's wishlist.
It's a good thing they pulled out all the stops for this milestone birthday, seeing as how Suri likely had already forgotten about it by breakfast.
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From Katie Holmes' new (and hopefully completely inaccurate) interview with the UK's Daily Mail:
WHAT'S YOUR IDEA OF HEAVEN?
Falling in love with Tom and our daughter.
WHO WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE STUCK IN AN ELEVATOR WITH?
Tom and Suri.
WHAT WERE YOUR DREAMS AS A CHILD?
To marry Tom Cruise!
HOW WOULD YOU DESCRIBE HIM?
He's just amazing. He's kind, generous, smart, he's Tom Cruise - he's the most artistic man I've ever met.
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• Here's Amnesia Sparkles – the drag queen responsible for making Cord "Cordless" – explaining how this Sunday's Oscars will be like sex with a black man. As you might guess, it's NSFW. [Queerty]
• Idle Americans are prepared to again fawn over American Idols, many of whom will soon become idle Americans once again. [DListed]
• That's not the breast place for a tattoo, Christina. [HT]
• A silvery Rihanna awaits your approval here. [INO]
• "I'm the Hillary Clinton of the Oscars." [ICYDK]
• Go organic! It'll make you feel like a new person filled with alien spirits! WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! [CityRag]
• Hey! More and more people are discovering that we have too many goddamn golf courses in this country. Cacti of the American Southwest, we've made the first step. [NYT]
ANOTHER SILENT BIRTH? "Katie Holmes has fuelled rumours she is pregnant by buying a "Big Sister" t-shirt for daughter Suri. The Batman Begins star visited Los Angeles baby boutique Petit Tresor with Suri - her 21-month-old daughter with husband Tom Cruise - where she spent over $2000 on baby clothes."
Following closely on the heels of the leak of a propaganda video starring a darting-eyed Tom Cruise extolling the merits of his cultish religion – "We're here to help…These people want help." – an investigative journalist says he intends to release more frightening footage of the Mission Impossible star.
Mark Ebner, publisher of hollywoodinterrupted.com, today reported plans to distribute about two more hours of Cruise's fanatical proselytizing, calling it "the most unintentionally hilarious footage you've ever seen."
From what Ebner describes, most of the footage he plans to release covers old ground – cue Cruise saying, "We are the way to happiness" – but one quote Ebner claims to have on film stands out quite far from the others:
Crush these guys [psychiatrists]! I've had it! Psychiatry doesn't work. No mercy! None! Go to guns!
He sure is lucky he's not a Muslim.
The full Tom Cruise Scientology video after the jump. CONTINUED »
Australian book retailers Dymocks won't stock Andrew Morton's controversial new work Tom Cruise: An Unauthorized Biography.
"We take all accusations of defamation very seriously and, as a result, we won't be stocking the book," a spokeswoman said. "We will continue to assess the situation as it develops."
In light of Dymocks' decision, Elliot Abelson, an attorney for the Church of Scientology International, said Australia is a "classy country."
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An unauthorized biography to be released soon says that the excitable Tom Cruise is second in command of the Church of Scientology. It also claims Suri Cruise is the product of Katie Holmes' egg being fertilized by the frozen semen of dead Scientology founder L Ron Hubbard.
Reportedly, at one point the book uses the term "desert lair." And it was banned in Britain due to their strict libel laws. What fun! We've not even read it and we already highly recommend it.
Editor
