Poor Verne Troyer. The actor and newest Hollywood sex tape star has been through the ringer lately thanks to his famewhoring ex-girlfriend, who has opened her mouth yet again. The rep for Ranae Shrider starts by insulting Mini Me's financial situation, saying he can't pay his taxes "because he is paying his lawyer hundreds of thousands of dollars to file ridiculous lawsuits." Also? Verne is "a small-minded, vindictive, heartbroken, desperate and trivial celebrity." Harsh, but coming from a small-minded, vindictive, heartbroken, desperate and trivial wannabe celebrity is almost laughable.

But the final punch came with this lovely statement: "Ms. Shrider would still like to thank Mr. Troyer for the 'lasting' gifts he has imparted her with." Uh, OK? What the hell does that mean?

STARVING ACTORS TO STARVE A LITTLE LESS "Moderate-income performers will likely benefit from a tax relief bill introduced in the Senate on Thursday. Bill will raise the current limit on adjusted gross income to allow deductions for work-related expenses. Currently, the U.S. tax code allows single performers to deduct business expenses only if they have an adjusted gross income below $16,000. The bill would raise that cap to $30,000."

New York's new tax breaks for film and television productions already have camera crews sprouting like Pinkberrys all over Manhattan, meaning this summer could be perfect for heckling actors until they punch us and we call our lawyer. (We're back, baby!)

Of course, as is always the case, one man's fortune is another man's shit luck. Much as we despise Hollywood types, it's terrible that they're finding it harder and harder to get work.

That's why we're publishing the full-page ad the recently fired production crew of Ugly Betty took out in tomorrow's Variety. We love New York and want her citizens to live well, but we're always in for some righteous Schwarzenegger bashing.

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NY BEATS LA YET AGAIN "ABC's 'Ugly Betty' is about to get a make-over that has nothing to do with Betty's bushy eyebrows or shiny braces. The production is planning to pack its designer bags and leave Los Angeles for the Big Apple, where the fictional Mode magazine where Betty works as an assistant to an emotionally needy editor is supposed to be based. Cast and crew members learned of the move at a meeting Monday … About two-thirds of the show's 150 crew members … are expected to lose their jobs. … Two weeks ago, New York's governor signed into law a bill that tripled the amount of the state's film tax credit. Feature films, television series, pilots, and TV movies and miniseries that complete at least 75% of their stage work at a qualified production facility are eligible for a 35% refundable tax credit."

TAXES! Today! Have you done them? Do them! If you hate doing them, starting tomorrow, learn Arabic and move to Bahrain, where at most you'll have one percent of your income taxed. Until then: get on it.